The Opposite of Hate isn't Love

Thursday, April 25, 2019




I was at a National Speakers Association event recently and INSTANTLY connected with the firecracker standing next to me. She smelled amazing, had on a fabulous blazer, and the fun, spicy energy radiating off of her was palpable. We became instant friends through just a few snarky comments and smiles.


Within minutes we were sharing summarized versions of our life journeys and committed to stay connected. She gave me all the dirty details about where I could buy her same blazer, perfume, and lotion. The important things!

We took our separate seats and began messaging each other throughout the rest of the meeting on Instagram. When I went to her Instagram profile I was shocked for a second. Right there on her main page it said she was a Trump supporter. WHAT?! For half a second I thought...wait, there is no way I just connected and laughed with a Trump supporter like that. Really? I never would have guessed that about her.

But in the same breath I was absolutely delighted! It actually made me giddy that my theory that "the opposite of hate isn't love, it's CONNECTION," was proven true. It almost makes me like her all the more because of it. I get to learn a new perspective from her. I get to celebrate the dynamic harmony produced by our differences.

I have no doubt that if I would have stumbled across her Instagram account without having met her, I would have written her off and likely rolled my eyes. By committing to conscious connection we set aside our quick judgements, or knee-jerk reactions and assumptions, and we look for ways to connect person to person, heart to heart.

We don't have to persuade or manipulate or convince. We don't have to mourn that we aren't on the same page. We don't have to waste time and energy wishing our partners, neighbors, leaders, parents, or children were different. We don't have to love what they love or believe what they believe. We just have to commit to connection.

It thrills me that I get to dive deeper into this concept in my speeches and upcoming book and teach people actual tools to help them commit to and implement connection in their lives. I will never stop believing that it's the only way to heal and improve our relationships, businesses, and our world.

1 comment

  1. I think we miss too much in life by keeping ourselves in a close knit group of friends who think exactly the same we do. I was not raised in the predominant religion but joined as a 10 year old girl, as did all my other 4 sisters. I think it is because I had other experiences, other friends, other interests outside the mainstream, white bread, "typical Utah" lifestyle that I can move in lots of circles of friends. My parents were not members of the predominant religion in Utah but they taught us great values: hard work, honesty, kindness, being helpers, service, etc. They were both the best parents and great people!! So, I have friends in all walks of life. We don't all believe the same, vote the same, act the same, live the same or look the same but we ended up friends anyway. My motto is to try to reach out and then decide if the relationship is worth exploring and working on because not all relationships will be for the best. My best relationships are where I accept people for who they are and they do the same for me. They know I have my beliefs but they respect them and don't try to push stuff on me that they know I don't want. Glad you met a new friend. We can never have enough great friends.

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