Firsts and last

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Let's get real for a second here and talk about marriage.


I repeat: NOT. EASY.

No, we are not on the brink of divorce (as far as I know), but things are strained. Life demands so much of us. Taking care of the kids (probably the hugest and most and most demanding thing on the list), school work, soccer, piano practice, working, teaching, church, cleaning the house, remodeling the bathroom, worrying about money, student loans, car problems, being a good spouse, grocery shopping, on and on and on. It ain't all roses and gravy.

It's been a tough year for us in the marriage department. I won't go into details, but we've had our struggles. Some things I'm to blame for, other things are just the general stress of life. Depression, mental illness, dissatisfaction with work, potty training the Zoë, dealing with fiery children...It's been a struggle.

My love for Vic is securely anchored, despite the tempests of life. I've often felt like a boat--Just adrift in this ocean of life. I get tossed here and there and never know when a storm will roll in. I think we all feel like this. We never know when lightning could strike and rip our sails and jar us off course. But I had the thought today that maybe we are not the boat. Maybe we are the ocean instead. What WE do, even little things, can change other people. If things are rocky and choppy, it doesn't mean we are the victim, the boat.  So maybe I'm not the boat. Maybe I'm the ocean.

While cleaning out our storage closet a few weeks ago (looking for birth certificates to register our kids for school) we came across a pink folder. I had no idea what a treasure there would be inside this little folder. 5 pages, single spaced, written by Vic, all about our wedding day. He sat down and typed it up the night before our wedding. It contains every detail of our wedding day, including a poem that he wrote and read to me at our wedding luncheon.

We both sat down and started rapidly reading the words coming from his heart those 11 years ago. It was tender and sweet and slightly painful. Painful because we had no idea what was in store for us. I don't think we knew how hard life could be. We have a wonderful life. We really, really do. And all in all, I think we have a great relationship. But reading his words really took me back to the beginning, to the core of our relationship. And while we have both changed in various ways and have our ups and downs, the love we have for each other in those early days is still beneath the surface of life's craziness. Here's the poem that took my breath away all those years ago: (We've talked about printing it out and framing it for years. Maybe someday I'll get around to it)

First sight, first glance
Thought I'd take the chance

First night, first drive,
You made me feel alive

First swim, same night
Laughter you ignite

First dinner, first date
First call, first kiss
Being with you is bliss

First walk, first talk
First run around the block

First trip, first sing
The CD you decided to bring

First reception, you caught the bouquet

First gift, first game
Vicky Poo is a cheesy name

First question, first fight
"Settlers" right?

First answers, first vacation
Utah, Albuquerque, the destination

First aquarium, first zoo
I love being with you

First lift, next gift
First rollerblade, first hike
We still have yet to bike

First clean, first cook
First movie, first book
First struggle...our jobs
...what next

The bar results we celebrate
Thai in the tree
The book- a surprise for me
Thanksgiving, Mexico
Our friends and the lost keys

First Christmas, so sweet
Days I'd gladly repeat

January still thinking
The break, my heart sinking

Your birthday-a bash
Pink, and in a flash
The flowers, the day-

You stole my heart away.

The song goes on.
To Idaho you were gone
My prayers, my cares,
The decision, the ring

Back to the spot
Is what I thought

First sight, first glance
This night. Our dance
Thank you for loving me

Today? Begins Eternity.

Obviously there are back stories to a lot of this poem, but I think you can still get a taste of what a deeply feeling and wonderful man Vic is.

Life is difficult. Relationships are hard. I'm glad we haven't given up. I'm glad (and I hope) there will never be a poem of lasts. Only that we will last, despite ourselves.


  1. the poem is beautiful. frame it soon!

  2. inspirational. keep at it, you two!!

  3. It's good to go back to those days when it was just you and Vic and remember how your heart would race when you saw him and how you longed to be with him every minute of the day. It makes it easier to get through the rough times when you realize how much he meant to you then and how much more he means to you now. My husband was my best friend...oh sure I had my BFF girlfriends but he was my everything. Was life hard? You bet. We struggled financially, we could not have kids so we adopted our son but it took 3 1/2 long years, he struggled with his health but I loved him unconditionally even if he got on my last nerve or did something that he usually later regretted doing. He made me laugh every day and I was his muse so he said. I miss him every day but I know with assurity that I will see him again and that we will carry on where we left off. Marriage is H.A.R.D....there is no other way to think of it but the happy times, the sad times, the good times, the bad times, the confusing times, the busy times and the sacred times are what make our marriages what they are and they mold and shape us into who we are today. The poem is a treasure. So is your marriage and your husband. I agree with Holly...keep at it...never give in to the struggles. You've come so far!! Look at what you have accomplished...together!! Together is so much better than going at life alone.

  4. just want to say I hear you, it IS hard....


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