Hello internet land. It's been a while.
I don't have much to say and yet I have far too much to say. Thus, the blog drought of twenty 15. (Twenty 15? Why is she spelling out half the year like that? Why not do it all in numbers?). Welp, my children spilled a large quantity of milk all over and INSIDE my laptop. I took it the dodgiest of places to have it repaired. It looked like a Meth house. It was this random residence on Redwood Road, with a small sign out front, all the blinds drawn, and no parking to speak of. But hey, they "fixed it" for $150 as opposed to $700 at the Apple Store. The only downside to the work performed by this shady operation is that my number TWO on my keyboard does not work. The number Two key also happens to be the AT sign that's needed when typing an email addresses. It's beginning to be a problem.
But back to business here--It's my birthday tomorrow. (It's actually my birthday TODAY, Feb. 10th. I wrote this last night but didn't publish it/finish it until this morning). And I've had a very rare and lovely weekend to reflect and brace myself as I enter my 38th year of life. (Not to be interpreted as me TURNING 38. Nay, I'm turning the ripe age of 37). I was able to spend the entire day Saturday with several friends, both old and new, as we rehearsed and performed in a fundraising performance in Orem. It fed my soul a thousand times over. When I returned from my long day away, I found that Vic had cleaned the house from top to bottom. Every last stitch of laundry was done, every towel folded, the toilets and tubs and showers cleaned, fresh linens on the beds, all the dishes done...it was a DREAM.
Yesterday, I wasn't feeling well (I've been fighting a cold for almost a week now) and stayed in bed most of the day while Vic cooked and played with the kids and baked and decorated a birthday cake with Peter for me. I read, took a long nap, and basked in the luxuriousness of doing NOTHING.
And thus we see what I mean by a rare weekend with time to reflect and prepare for the coming year. Zoë is in bed nice and early and I'm sitting here typing in bed while the boys work on a birthday present for me. Lucky am I? I absolutely think so.
So here's my list of things I've learned in my 37 years on this planet:
-Binge watching shows on Netflix is one of my true passions.
-If you watch too many episodes of "Parenthood" it will make you want another baby
-I love people
-I might not ever be as thin and strong and fast as I once was, but I need to write a sad poem in my journal about it and move on.
-Follow your passions
-Eat well and exercise
-Listen to your heart
-Be gentle with yourself
-EVERYONE has a story. Be kind. Learn their story. Open up and share. Make a new friend.
-Kindness matters more than anything. Really.
-Life is short.
-Things will work out
-I really don't have a list of profound lessons I've learned in my 37 years of life but felt like it would make a good blog post but now that I'm writing it I've got few things to work with.
-Oh, and family really is everything. Family and Kindness.
I used to need to express my thoughts and my heart to the world after Lucy died. It was far too big a burden to bear alone. I needed constant expression and analyzing and support and therapy. And my soul was so torn that my words were so raw and beautiful. Now I feel like I'm just in the trenches of motherhood, I've healed SIGNIFICANTLY and my constant need to emote and process has greatly diminished. What's left is my day to day dealings with my adorable kids and my occasional adventures.
Which I guess does lead me to one very significant lesson I've learned (am learning)--to embrace the everyday mundane. It's beautiful. You are here. You have a body. You have loved ones around you ( I hope). You are breathing and learning and alive. Your life doesn't have to be grand. You don't have to be famous or rich or popular to be "successful". You are you and you influence in small but significant ways. You are important to a small circle, needed by just a few, and that small circle is a strong and steady force. It's a force for good. A force of love. Nurture those relationships closest to you and don't waste too much time and energy seeking praise and adoration from the outside world.
You are enough. Improve yourself, make good choices, but love yourself. And every time you are kind, people are changed. Always be kind.
Now that I'm done lecturing myself, it's time to celebrate ME and all the beauty and love in my life. (That means responding to each individual birthday wish on Facebook, text, email...because people and friendships are the beauty in my life that I speak of.) Thanks for listening to me give myself a pep talk for my birthday. xoxo