You guys. I've gone weeks and weeks where I have forgotten to blog. Or I've just not wanted to. But this time? I forgot that I even HAVE a blog. Instagram killed the blog star. Amiright?
You want to know what made me remember that I still have this thing? We went to Festival of Trees two nights ago, and among all the amazing gingerbread houses and trees and generous donations to help the families at Primary Children's Medical Center (and the tears), two different darling women stopped me to say hello and that they read my blog. Oh! That's right. I have a blog. I used to write. (Hi, ladies).
It still amazes me/is crazy to me that people read this. I am "that lady who lost her daughter when she choked on an apple." I am that lady who performs and deals with the madness of motherhood and "isn't as profound in real life as you are on your blog". (One of my all-time favorite comments).
My blog isn't fancy or trendy. I don't have the time, energy, or know-how to do cool things with my photos or make things look hip and alluring. I just...enjoy sharing my life. For posterity's sake, for gratitude's sake, for the sake of connecting with my fellow humans and trying to understand myself.
So here I am. Where do I even begin? How about New Mexico? That seems like a reasonable place to start.
We drove 9.5 hours to visit Vic's sister, Joy, in Albuquerque, New Mexico for Thanksgiving. The drive was much less painful than we were anticipating. It was so nice to all be together, singing songs, coloring, talking, eating. Peter was SO excited to see his cousins! Joy has 5 adorable kids and was an incredible hostess. Her cooking was DELICIOUS. We had such a great time.
We took more of the scenic route home, by way of Durango, Colorado, and it was absolutely worth it. I had never been to Durango and it utterly charmed me. The photo above of Zoë looking down at her feet was taken on Durango's main drag. I could have spent the entire day there exploring but we had to get home for my final two shows. I want to go back!
As we drove out of Durango, the sun began to set and I felt so much peace. I thought back on the last time we visited Joy's family in New Mexico. Peter was 8 months old and I was still grieving HEAVILY. I wasn't sleeping. I was so stressed and overwhelmed. It was amazing to me, as I looked out the window, the sun setting over the lake, to realize how far I've come. I talk about this a lot, but it has reason to amaze me. I was truly on the brink of disaster--mental and emotional.
On this vacation I went on several runs, had a great time road biking with Vic and Jason (Joy's husband), ate wonderful food, slept (!), played with my kids at the Explora museum, and didn't experience anxiety. This is a HUGE thing for me. That sunset was the perfect ending to our trip. The kids were playing quietly in the back and Vic and I marveled out loud, again and again, at the beauty we beheld. It was such a simple moment, but the feelings in my heart were so profound and clear. Nothing earth-shattering. Just peace and gratitude and happiness.
My life is an embarrassment of riches. My family. My friends. My opportunities. My health. It is truly humbling and overwhelming at times. I have my daily battles (besides motherhood, my daily internal struggles lately are mostly centered around "what to do with my life" and making money), but I am managing at a level I never thought possible. I ache for my Lucy sweet like my body needs water. But as many people have commented to me lately, "Wow, you are like...alive. And living! And doing things!" Yes. Yes, I am.
And with that, I will crawl into bed and wait for Vic to get home from his boys night out. Welcome back, blog. It felt great to reconnect with you tonight.