Saturday, December 6, 2014

I Totally Forgot

You guys. I've gone weeks and weeks where I have forgotten to blog. Or I've just not wanted to. But this time? I forgot that I even HAVE a blog. Instagram killed the blog star. Amiright?

You want to know what made me remember that I still have this thing? We went to Festival of Trees two nights ago, and among all the amazing gingerbread houses and trees and generous donations to help the families at Primary Children's Medical Center (and the tears), two different darling women stopped me to say hello and that they read my blog. Oh! That's right. I have a blog. I used to write. (Hi, ladies).

It still amazes me/is crazy to me that people read this. I am "that lady who lost her daughter when she choked on an apple." I am that lady who performs and deals with the madness of motherhood and "isn't as profound in real life as you are on your blog". (One of my all-time favorite comments).

My blog isn't fancy or trendy. I don't have the time, energy, or know-how to do cool things with my photos or make things look hip and alluring. I just...enjoy sharing my life. For posterity's sake, for gratitude's sake, for the sake of connecting with my fellow humans and trying to understand myself.

So here I am. Where do I even begin? How about New Mexico? That seems like a reasonable place to start.

We drove 9.5 hours to visit Vic's sister, Joy, in Albuquerque, New Mexico for Thanksgiving. The drive was much less painful than we were anticipating. It was so nice to all be together, singing songs, coloring, talking, eating. Peter was SO excited to see his cousins! Joy has 5 adorable kids and was an incredible hostess. Her cooking was DELICIOUS. We had such a great time.












We took more of the scenic route home, by way of Durango, Colorado, and it was absolutely worth it. I had never been to Durango and it utterly charmed me. The photo above of Zoë looking down at her feet was taken on Durango's main drag. I could have spent the entire day there exploring but we had to get home for my final two shows. I want to go back!

As we drove out of Durango, the sun began to set and I felt so much peace. I thought back on the last time we visited Joy's family in New Mexico. Peter was 8 months old and I was still grieving HEAVILY. I wasn't sleeping. I was so stressed and overwhelmed. It was amazing to me, as I looked out the window, the sun setting over the lake, to realize how far I've come. I talk about this a lot, but it has reason to amaze me. I was truly on the brink of disaster--mental and emotional.

On this vacation I went on several runs, had a great time road biking with Vic and Jason (Joy's husband), ate wonderful food, slept (!), played with my kids at the Explora museum, and didn't experience anxiety. This is a HUGE thing for me. That sunset was the perfect ending to our trip. The kids were playing quietly in the back and Vic and I marveled out loud, again and again, at the beauty we beheld. It was such a simple moment, but the feelings in my heart were so profound and clear. Nothing earth-shattering. Just peace and gratitude and happiness.

My life is an embarrassment of riches. My family. My friends. My opportunities. My health. It is truly humbling and overwhelming at times. I have my daily battles (besides motherhood, my daily internal struggles lately are mostly centered around "what to do with my life" and making money), but I am managing at a level I never thought possible. I ache for my Lucy sweet like my body needs water. But as many people have commented to me lately, "Wow, you are like...alive. And living! And doing things!" Yes. Yes, I am.

And with that, I will crawl into bed and wait for Vic to get home from his boys night out. Welcome back, blog. It felt great to reconnect with you tonight.

9 comments:

  1. Molly,

    It was so nice to meet you and your sweet family. I thought you were all MORE darling in person.

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  2. Zoe! Her feet! In Durango! SO adorable.

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  3. We are so so happy that you came, that you had a great time (that you like my food :) that you liked Durango and were willing to take our advice on that one! We love you! Can't wait to do it again! I still laugh when I think of our night out to Flying Star.

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  4. I wasn't finished - hope this gets published. Each time we see your photos and hear you on Skype - we ache to see you, Vic and most especially Peter and Zoe - and the presence of Lucy. Love you will all my liver and lungs!!!!

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  5. I love this. Please don't ever stop blogging.

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  6. I love that picture of Joy, and then I looked back at that first picture of Vic and he's making the same face. They're definitely related.

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  7. I love your blog and all it's profoundness. It must be longer then I've thought since you've blogged, or at least posted a picture on here. It just seems like your hair grew overnight. Maybe it's just the fact that it is shining so brightly in the Albuquerque sun! Please write more and more. You are so real and I appreciate real on so many levels.

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  8. My family (my dad, mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc.) grew up in New Mexico. I have cousins and an Aunt living in Albuquerque. It is a long drive but I always enjoy the visits. I'm with you....I was charmed by Durango. The last vacation with my husband before he passed away was to Durango. We rode he train to Silverton and back...it is a memory that live in my heart and mind forever. You have come a long way Molly. I'm proud to say....so have I. I miss your posts but I'd rather have you living life than blogging about life. Your posts are always so raw and honest, uplifting and filled with all kinds of emotions, and true and real. I guess that is what draws me the most. I've never met you but I can see those emotions in my niece Kendra. She's still missing her baby girl but I can see real smiles and real joy in her face. It doesn't mean that missing is any easier, it just means she found a way to feel real joy again. I can see the change and growth in her as I have in you. Life isn't always easy. I've had times in my life that were so hard, I wondered how I could take my next breath but I did....and it is worth it. Love you girl!!

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