Wednesday, September 11, 2013
I Have A Ginormous Announcement
Are you ready for this?
I still can't believe I can actually say these words.
Are you sitting down?
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes.
OK, now open your eyes.
Wait. How did you know to open your eyes if your eyes were closed? You CHEAT!
OK. I think I'm ready to make the announcement to the world.
I didn't want to jinx anything, but I think it's been long enough now that I can start telling people.
Do you have any guesses?
It's WAY BIGGER than anything you could possibly imagine.
It's something I've been working on for 5 years now.
The crazy thing is, the final outcome didn't happen until after I STOPPED "working" on it.
Oh, there are just so many factors that made this amazing dream become a reality.
But I'll tell you more about that in a minute.
I sleep, people. I sleep! Without heavy medication. Without anxiety (still have your run-of-the-mill life in general anxiety, but NOTHING compared to what it was after Lucy died.)
If you have ever been addicted/dependent upon something, you know what a big deal this is. Sleep is a big deal! I was just listening to a TED talk today on my walk with Zoë and it was all about the importance of sleep. How we underestimate sleep. How sleep works. How, if we live to age 90, we will spend over THIRTY years of our life SLEEPING.
I have dreamed of this day more than you can know. I can actually take naps now!! When I lay down and close my eyes, I am no longer haunted by repeating lyrics and crazy thoughts and restlessness. The monkey chatter in my brain has quieted.
It still takes me quite a while to actually fall asleep, but I do it. I even went on vacation without Ambien. That's when I really knew this was the real deal. I am Ambien free!
I don't obsess about how much sleep I got or how much sleep I will get. When I turn out the lights I let myself think about whatever I want...just NOT SLEEP.
And one more thing: if I'm having a bad day (like yesterday. I just felt fat, ugly, unstylish, tired, frustrated, stressed about money, impatient with my kids...) all I have to do is remember, "OH YEAH! That's right. I can sleep now! I can sleep ambien free! I AM AMAZING!!!" And then my day gets better.
If you've been a long-time blog reader, you know how much sleep has been a struggle for me. Now if I can stop obsessing about my abs maybe they'll get smaller and tighter? If I stop obsessing about how clean my house is it might get cleaner? I don't know... but it feels like magic and I consider it a huge miracle in my life.
Thank you and Amen.
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