Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I Have A Ginormous Announcement



Are you ready for this?

I still can't believe I can actually say these words.

Are you sitting down?

Take a deep breath.

Close your eyes.

OK, now open your eyes.

Wait. How did you know to open your eyes if your eyes were closed? You CHEAT!

OK. I think I'm ready to make the announcement to the world.

I didn't want to jinx anything, but I think it's been long enough now that I can start telling people.

Do you have any guesses?

It's WAY BIGGER than anything you could possibly imagine.

It's something I've been working on for 5 years now.

The crazy thing is, the final outcome didn't happen until after I STOPPED "working" on it.

Oh, there are just so many factors that made this amazing dream become a reality.

But I'll tell you more about that in a minute.

I

AM

NO

LONGER

DEPENDENT

UPON

AMBIEN

TO

SLEEP

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sleep, people. I sleep! Without heavy medication. Without anxiety (still have your run-of-the-mill life in general anxiety, but NOTHING compared to what it was after Lucy died.)

If you have ever been addicted/dependent upon something, you know what a big deal this is. Sleep is a big deal! I was just listening to a TED talk today on my walk with Zoë and it was all about the importance of sleep. How we underestimate sleep. How sleep works. How, if we live to age 90, we will spend over THIRTY years of our life SLEEPING.

I have dreamed of this day more than you can know. I can actually take naps now!! When I lay down and close my eyes, I am no longer haunted by repeating lyrics and crazy thoughts and restlessness. The monkey chatter in my brain has quieted.

It still takes me quite a while to actually fall asleep, but I do it. I even went on vacation without Ambien. That's when I really knew this was the real deal. I am Ambien free!

I don't obsess about how much sleep I got or how much sleep I will get. When I turn out the lights I let myself think about whatever I want...just NOT SLEEP.

And one more thing: if I'm having a bad day (like yesterday. I just felt fat, ugly, unstylish, tired, frustrated, stressed about money, impatient with my kids...) all I have to do is remember, "OH YEAH! That's right. I can sleep now! I can sleep ambien free! I AM AMAZING!!!" And then my day gets better.

If you've been a long-time blog reader, you know how much sleep has been a struggle for me. Now if I can stop obsessing about my abs maybe they'll get smaller and tighter? If I stop obsessing about how clean my house is it might get cleaner? I don't know... but it feels like magic and I consider it a huge miracle in my life.

Thank you and Amen.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


13 comments:

  1. Um, this is AMAZING! I'm so happy for you!!!!

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  2. After the loss of 3 important people in my life in 7 months (hubby and both parents), sleeping was impossible. I worked full time, 10 hour days. Geez it was such a challenge. I did not take ambien or any prescription but relied on over the counter sleep aids (such as unisom). Some worked ok; others gave me nightmares; others made it so I could not wake up at 6 a.m. to get ready for work. So....I struggled on and on and on. I finally started taking melatonin regularly and it helped, especially the kind that has chamomile in it. It's been 5 years since my sweet husband passed and sleep is much much better. I'm so happy for you...so glad you sleep better. I'm sure it must be a welcome relief. You will still have nights where you think...what is this about - it is 2:30 a.m. and I'm wide awake?? I also do better when I exercise or walk. Taking Sunday afternoon naps is tabo but sometimes it can't be helped. The abs and the clean house??? Dream on!!! Ha Ha LOL!! I'm sure you'll get there a lot sooner than me, I'm quite sure of it. Have a wonderful day and a dreamy, sleepy, relaxing, refreshing night!!

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  3. I love your WALRUS!!!! LOL! It's my favorite!

    And congrats on sleeping. :)

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  4. I just love your blog. Love how honest and real you are.
    When I read the part about you having a bad day yesterday I thought of this quote I just found recently. It's funny and helpful all at once. And congrats to sleeping!!!
    "On particularly rough days, when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my t... - http://pinterest.com/pin/185210603399047939/

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  5. So happy for you! But I'm not gonna lie, here's a couple of the ideas I had you were going to announce:

    pregnant
    moving to NYC
    adopting a Somalian baby
    starting another non-profit
    Peter got accepted to an Ivy League
    you finally found your contact lens
    you found an awesome wall calendar on etsy
    you're buying stilts to wear everyday

    But I'm happy for you! You should take another vacation to test it once again. :)

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  6. I just had my first Ambien-free full night's sleep in years last night. Good for you...it's definitely worthy of a blog post! If you have some tips for how to get off it, I'd certainly love to hear them.

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  7. I don't know who to start except to say, once again, if you (anyone) can do it, so can I. Only I can't. I'm taking a drug, legally prescribed, every night for sleep for more than 15 years. I've tried to stop taking it but find myself overly
    emotional, completely lacking in sleep, mean/rude, and, strangely, feel persecuted! I don't have the 'monthly' time anymore, but if I did, this is so much more worse. I take it that you are telling us to get off these medications, just stop taking them, and life improves. I'm going to make an eternal commitment this very day to go off the drug, suffer the consequences for as long as they last, and come through clean and drug free. Thank you so much for the inspiration!

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  8. I felt the same way when I got off anti-depressants. IT IS FREEING! Happy for you!

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  9. Congrats Molly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know how long this has been a struggle for you - hence the plethora of exclamation points!!!!!!!! So wonderful

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  10. YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you and I am so proud of you! Good for you Molly! I still remember you telling me your sleep struggles 4 years ago. Congratulations! Now you deserve to go take a nap...now...turn off the computer and go :)
    Love ya!!!

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