The following post is not a brag. It is a lesson. An insight. A journey. A balance trying to be achieved. I should also say that I'm not fishing for compliments. But I am fishing for advice on how to balance it.
I've had some prevailing emotions and thoughts this week. They mostly center around "success". I'm feeling the pulls of a desire to do more, be more, learn more, make more (money), know more. Going back to school for a graduate degree has crossed my mind more than once. Getting a job and having a "real" career sound so enticing to me right now. I'm not sure what exactly it is I'm craving--but I want to do something great. All while being there with my kids to see them grow and develop and share sweet moments, of course. (Right.)
Everywhere I look I see another mom inventing something--starting a company, making a lot of money, getting a promotion, publishing a book. I want these things! I want the adult interaction. I want to use my talents and gifts. In short, I want to become more than I am. My mind's sponge feels long dried up and begging for a torrential downpour. A new language, a new skill, a new experience, a new show, new scenery...something!
I saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang last night at the Hale Center Theatre. It was phenomenal. I really needed to be on that stage playing the Baroness and being hilarious. I got to see old friends, go out with a great girlfriend, be entertained, have a break from the tedium of my day-to-day life. It was great.
My friend who choreographed the show was there that night. We had fun chatting it up during intermission. She is my age. She owns a dance conservatory, choreographs all over the state, recently flew to NYC to interview with a super Broadway legend...MAN. She's the cream of the crop. But after intermission I sat there thinking, "I want to do all these great things. I want to LIVE MY DREAMS!"
After the show I spent some quality time (not enough) with my girl Ali (who, coincidentally, does play the hilarious part of the baroness and kills it all the way to the moon). I mentioned these thoughts to her then said, "I want to be known as more than just 'a great ENDURER'. Ya know?"
So there it is. Molly the Endurer. How about Molly the great performer? Or Molly the great writer? Or Molly the great business woman? (And again, this is all on top of Molly the great Mother--of course. I want my cake and to eat it too.)
The next day I got a phone call from my neighbor. She is a single mother. She is separated from her son. She recently left the local Women's Shelter (The Peace House) and is renting a room in a home up the street from me. I've been helping her get some clothing (we are the same size), a computer, and back on her feet. We met at the grocery store bakery when I mentioned I'd seen her walking in my neighborhood. (She doesn't have a car. And Peter loves doughnuts...thus, the trip to the bakery where she worked.)
Anyway, long story short--she needed a ride from Heber City back to Park City. She was stranded (long story). This phone call came as I was writing the above paragraphs about wanting to do something great. I loaded Peter, Soren, and Zoë into the car and headed down in the snow to pick her up. I was happy to do it.
As we were driving, I heard the faint whisper of a sentence that sounded something like this, "Something great."