Thursday, July 5, 2012
Quite a few thoughts and feelings have been swirling around in my soul and I want to record them.
First of all--is there anything better than pie crust? I surmise that there is not.
Second of all--Why did I eat so much of it?
Thirdly--In all seriousness, I want to talk about how good I'm feeling. I can't give enough credit to Zoloft. I also can't give enough credit to "not being pregnant anymore." I know it makes no sense, but you know the quote that says, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." ? You know the one? Well I keep saying, "It's nice to be pregnant, but it's more important to be not pregnant."
I can touch my toes! I can sleep on my tummy (for short periods of time...my bosom is too large). AND--the cough I had since MARCH, yes, MARCH, is finally, finally, finally gone. Mostly. A 4-month cough? Come on now.
Also, (this is the important part), I'm realizing this is the first time I've enjoyed my new baby. My pregnancy with Lucy was a surprise--not to mention she was my first born--and I was just not ready for the onslought of motherhood. Vic and I had no money and things were stressful.
With Peter--well....I can't say that I'd recommend the death of your first child and birth of your second 11 months later as a recipe for joyous postpartum. As much as he filled an incredibly deep and tender hole, it was still very, very difficult to be grieving so heavily while taking care of a newborn. Not to mention I hadn't discovered the benefits of Zoloft yet and was a true insomniac. (Still am when it comes to naps).
Then Zoe came along. I wasn't expecting to feel this well after her birth. Oh, don't get me wrong. My house is a disaster, I'm lucky if I shower, I'm exhausted most of the time, and yes, Peter's toilet DID leak while we were at the hospital giving birth and we DID come home to a house with a hole in the ceiling and are now re-modeling his bathroom. (Which is also the guest bathroom---since this house decided to not have a bathroom on the main living level...because that makes so much sense and I love going up and down the stairs a million times a day. Multi-level houses are way over-rated. Where is the flat rambler of my dreams when I need it??)
Anyway--I'm thankful to be in a good spot. I have good days and bad. I cry for Lucy. I cry for no reason. I cry that Peter is crazy. I cry that Peter is so sweet. I cry that Zoe is here. I cry that my husband is hurting.
But mostly, I cry that I can't afford a housekeeper and that I ate too much pie crust.
Posted by Molly Bice-Jackson at 9:02 AM