Thursday, May 10, 2012

How it Feels to Have a Child Named After your Deceased Daughter

I've had parts of this post reeling around in my head for years now.

Before I tell you more about it, I want to give a report on how I'm doing: I've gained 40 pounds, I'm 1 cm dilated, baby's head is down, and I contracted a horrible, horrible cold--AGAIN. The past few days have been miserable. MIS ER ABLE.  Having your health is everything! I need/want to do better at keeping my family healthy. It is so important! How do I do this? It effects everything.

Not being able to breathe is never a good thing. That's my main complaint with this cold. Not breathing leads to panic, no sleep, dizziness, etc. I cried a lot yesterday. I found out that Peter had been saying to his friend, "My mommy is sad. My mommy is sad." Be still my heart. Poor little guy.

Pregnancy is hard. We all know that. But I do want to make it clear that I am very grateful for this opportunity to have another little spirit in our home. Another little girl. A living sibling for Peter to torture. I know I am lucky.

Several of Peter's little friends have been asking me, "Why aren't you going to name your baby Lucy?" I've explained to them that this baby isn't Lucy, but her sister. "But she choked on an apple and died and now you are having another little girl so you can have her again and call her Lucy." Oh, they are so sweet and their perspective is so innocent and wonderful.

I have secretly wanted loved ones and family members to name their children after Lucy. (Not so much a close cousin also named Lucy--but as a middle name).

Well, a few years ago, on the same day that we got a letter from Intermountain Donor Services telling us a little more about to whom Lucy's organs went (it was a very emotional day), we also got a call from Vic's MTC companion (MTC stands for Missionary Training Center--they trained for their Mormon mission in Argentina together and we LOVE him and his DARLING DARLING DARLING wife)...they called to tell us they had a little girl and named her Lucia. It was the icing on the cake that day. There was so much sweetness after all the tears.

And this year (Dec 13, 2011) we got a call from Vic's cousin in the early evening, a beautiful winter day blanketed in white. I knew she had been in labor that day and was anxious to hear when the baby girl would arrive. AND...AND...listen to this--she had had TWO C-sections and was doing a natural water birth with her third! Do you understand how rare and amazing that is???

When the phone rang, and I saw it was Shara, the tears started coming. Something told me she was calling to ask our permission to use the name Lucia. Do you remember what Dec. 13th is? St. Lucia Day. Before we said a word to each other I just knew. We blubbered a few things to each other and when she asked if it would be ok I choked out a few "yes, yes yes's".

So how does it feel to have another child named after our deceased daughter? (In Shara's case it is the daughter's middle name, with Meredith it is the first name). It feels very special. It feels humbling and sweet and sacred. It feels connecting and powerful and it is a gift you can never lose, forget, break, replace, or purchase with any amount of money. It is above and beyond this world and this realm. Another silver lining in all our clouds.

With Shara's permission, I am sharing the beautiful video of her VBAC2 story. It is very moving. It reminds me that I can do this in a few weeks! And SPOILER ALERT---her "little" girl was OVER TEN POUNDS. Ka-freakin-Cha.





9 comments:

  1. Amazing video!

    Love that so many hearts have been touched by your Lucy.

    ToOdLeS.

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  2. All I can say is "WOW" The video is beautiful as is that sweet baby girl and, well, the entire family. Yes, I agree. Your Lucy has touched so many lives but so have her parents. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on her name. I'm sure those families who now have daughter's with the name Lucia feel it an honor to name their daughter after such a beautiful little angel.

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  3. Your daughter's name is absolutely beautiful--wonderful and all the more meaningful.
    I have always loved the name.
    I have to say that naming our son after Ben's brother (who passed away) was very touching and sweet. The blessing was perfect.
    He's always going to carry a very special meaning and reminder.
    Thank you for sharing, as always.

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  4. That is just so amazing. I love that she was born on St. Lucia day, and I love the whole story. I am so, so, so, so grateful to her amazing OB and hospital for "allowing" this natural process to take place and for helping Shara reclaim her body and her births. It moved me to tears!

    Molly, I can't wait to hear all about this little lady. If you let Jen know when you're in labor, she can let me know and I'll light a candle and say a prayer for you.

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  5. Even before we lost Caydin, we used family names as middle names; it just seems such a great way to honor those you love! I don't know of anybody that has named their child after our son, but I know what an honor it would be if someone did! Emotional, but amazing!!

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  6. When my sister called me and said her C-section was scheduled for Evan's birthday and they wanted to use Evan as a middle name, I was extremely happy too. I also secretly have wanted loved ones to use his name, that is why we decided to name our latest addition, Evangeline. I want to write his name, hear his name etc etc etc...you know...I love saying Evangeline's name. It's a little annoying that some family members keep shortening her name to not even include "Evan". Evie, eva, her middle name "Hope" etc... Are they afraid to say Evan? Anyway....so happy you are having another little girl. I will send hugs and prayers your way....glad to be 8 weeks out from delivery!
    HUGS,Angela

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  7. What about Lucina? That's my cousins name. Is not Lucia but very close, even as a middle name :)

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  8. First, wonderful video! second, and kind of unrealated, if there is another baby down the line for Shara please do not ignore (not that you could) the itching. I have a friend who has that and found out that it is actually bile that gets built up in your system and can kill the baby so please please have it checked out next time. It took her a lot of research to figure it out but a simple bile check would be a good place to begin when you start to feel itchy (even better to have one before so you have a base line)

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  9. what a lovely video. it is nice to see some pictures of the process. no one remembered to take any for our birth. we had a home waterbirth.

    i very much love the use of family names. just another way to connect us all. my children each have a grandparent's name for their middle name.

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