The Weird Al of Mormon Music

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 5:30 AM

I have a dream.

I've had it for a long time.

In fact, I don't even think it is my dream. It is far to superior to come from me alone. Surely it comes from a higher power and I am simply the conduit sent to fulfill such greatness. And don't call me Shirley.

It is to be the Weird Al of Mormon music.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved changing the lyrics to songs. Or is it that I just used to get them entirely wrong and it morphed into me purposely changing them so as not to embarrass myself completely. Like the time I thought Natalie Cole's song, "I Miss you Like Crazy" was "I Guess you like Paintings..." Seriously? And I sang it at full voice in the car with friends or at a dance and though nothing of it?

The point is, I started out small and innocent. Just swap out the word ME for the always hilarious potty-humor word PEE and you have an instant hit. I also like to use the word BUTT FACE in place of anything sweet and two-syllabled like "angel" or "honey". Works like a charm.

But that's amateur.

As far as the specific Mormon Market is concerned, the possibilities are endless. The director of one of my performing groups used to sing a song in green room, before the show started that said, "I see a light within your eyes...I can see it there, I know you wanna share."

Give it the Molly twist and you've got:

"I see a light between your thighs..."

Or the ever popular Primary song, "Here we are together, together, together. Oh, here we are together in our Primary. There's Amy and Suzie and Adam and Henry...Oh, here we are together in our Primary."

When I was Primary Chorister I'd sing (under my breath)--"There's short kids and fat kids and dumb kids and tall kids...oh, here we are together.." Until the 11 year old boys in the back heard me.

Mind  you, songs are even better when sung in funny voices. Like the time Vic and I drove home from Stake Conference in L.A. We both lived just off Overland right by the L.A. temple. As we drove closer and closer to it I started singing (off pitch with vigor) "I love to see your buttface, it is so beautiful. And every time I look at it, I begin to drool".

That's when my rule-abiding, more spiritual and serious than me husband slowed down and said, "Really? After that great meeting? Please don't ruin it."

But he still married me and he's been hearing off key, sung with vigor, make up your own lyrics songs ever since.

How about this one for a garden store (not in the Mormon genre but too genius to not share)--"This mulch is true--ooh, this mulch is true--ooh. I know this...mulch is TRUE." You know the song. Picture it: someone turning rich brown mulch through their hands while inhaling the fresh smell of earth. It has local commercial written all over it.

Or how about for the center for skin diseases ad campaign-- "All the Shingle Ladies" (Beyonce)

Ok you guys, I've been way too sick for way too long and need more rest.

Come, come ye Saints, no toilet paper here.


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15 Loving Lines

  1. Ah Molly, there's a reason why we're supposed to be friends and this post proves it. I'm now introducing you to everyone I know as the Weird Al of Mormon Music.

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  2. aaaaaannnndddd you've officially lost it. I haven't been as truly worried about you in all these years as I am right now. ;-) hilarious. will you come sit next to me in church?

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  3. I have never commented but this is the post that brings me out of the lurking darkness, THANK YOU for a hearty laugh this morning! I am so glad to know that my house isn't the only one where mom gets a kick out of potty humor!

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  4. I totally cracked up out loud with the Come Come ye Saints one....that's hilarious. I've got to start doing that. Its all in good fun - kind of like playing testimony bingo during a testimony meeting. Its an app on my phone. Stuff like, "travel log, goes on on on, medical report, loves husband, loves wife, etc. It's fun.

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  5. i am glad i am not the ONLY inappropriate thinker in the mormon world. dude... sometimes i think up some wicked- (both meanings apply here)- awesome SNL skits from church or even general conference.
    maybe we should never meet up in real life because lightning would strike.

    hugs.

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  6. First time commenting but I loved this and it reminds me of what my husband does to songs! My husband could also be considered the Mormon Weird Al. He has changed words to songs and has made them silly or gross for as long as I can remember. His current favorite is a song my daughter likes by Hilary Duff. To The Beat of My Heart becomes To The Smell of My Fart. When a song begins with "I'm thinking about letting it out..." I guess it has it coming.

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  7. {gasp} What?... there are two of you out there! My husband who is also a singer...does the same thing! There are a few hymns I can’t sing anymore because of the man...I can't sing High on the Mountain top without the next few words being "a beaver chased a squirrel!" Although, it did my heart some good when I found out he sang it at the top of his lungs while he was leading the music in Elders Quorum…he totally forgot, it’s just so natural for him! Hahahaha…busted. Love your post…made me smile. Thx

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  8. This is one reason I love you. Let's hang out again soon and sing instead of talk kids :)

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  9. Ha Ha this totally made my day because I do it too! I think that you should post a video of your mad singing skills!!!
    PS you have no idea who I am but I love your blog and I absolutely love reading it! It is such a breath of fresh air. You are just I don't know... SO real! I feel that as a mormon mom we have to put on a face all the time like everything is fine. You know the sappy stuff, like butterflys and roses on days that SUCK! Anyway enough with my rambling! Thanks Molly!

    Angela Mendenhall

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  10. Miss Molly your sense of humor is grand. I can relate to you.

    I had a colonoscopy this morning... and I sent my sister Angela a text when it was done... a few of them actually.

    I said, I love Fentanyl, Versed, and Propofol!!! She came back with: Some of the best people... Jewish? Right? I laughed out loud.

    Humor makes life so much better...

    ToOdLeS.

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  11. Thank you for sharing I truly needed to laugh out loud today.
    Love Ya!!

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  12. Oh yeah. You should totally go for it. You've got talent, sister. Let it shine!

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  13. I hear different words all the time. You know the song that goes, "Elvira, Elvira, my heart's on fire, Elvira." For years I thought it was "Hell fire up, hell fire up, my heart's on fire, hell fire up!" Totally works, don't you think? And I too would sing those lyrics at the top of my lungs.

    Combine "Who Let the Dogs Out" and "Who's on the Lord's Side" and you've got, "Who's on the Lord's Side, Who? Who? Who? Who?"

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  14. Ask Wes to sing his version of "Strangers in the Night" (strangers in my pants...) sometime...

    I love you!

    -Rach

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  15. What was the song called that your director sang that went "I see a light within your eyes"? I'm trying to hunt it down

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