Tragedy Homing Device

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 4:57 PM

I drop Peter off at pre-school and hear about a tragedy from another mom. Another child lost.

Later that day my inbox has several emails from family members and friends of the little angel, asking for help and advice, telling me their story.

I sometimes respond like a robot or it takes me days, weeks, months to respond.

Often I become numb or am so busy with Peter and my duties at home that I don't let it sink in too far.

But sometimes, late at night, when you've been fighting a horrific cold for days on end, and you are 31 weeks pregnant, and you haven't slept properly, and your husband and son are away for the night at grandpa's house--you read an email and a news story and you simply cannot breathe. You re-live it all again. And the pain you feel for the suffering family is so great you have to step away and distract yourself.

That is what happened to me last night. This is a common scenario in my life. I do not despise being a homing device for tragedy. I am grateful people know there is someone else out there they can talk to--to know that they are not alone.

But sometimes I want to walk away from it all. I am such a deep feeler, a deep thinker, a deep lover, a bottomless pit of emotion and love that either serve me well, or take me over to a place of paralyzing fear.

But this I do know, "You can either walk by and see someone drowning and ask do you need help, is there anything i can do, or you can jump in the water and try to save them."

There must be ACTION and not words alone. So what do I do? What do WE do?

I know I need to get feeling better. This has gone on for a long time. I am simply a mess. I need to focus on my family and my impending birth and simplify my life. But I can never, and will never, stop loving and reaching out and helping others. It is a lot to take in at times. Life can feel so heavy and burdensome and confusing. Thank goodness life is short. Not short enough, I often think. Not short enough.

Thanks for listening.




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8 Loving Lines

  1. I understand some of what you may be feeling. For me, it is hearing that someone else has been widowed. I guess one of the blessings we receive in the refiner's fire is an increased sense of empathy and compassion for others. We may also feel overwhelmed at such times because we do remember and feel again our own grief and sorrow, and our hearts break to know someone else is experiencing such pain.

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  2. I can't even IMAGINE what kind of pain something like this causes you who has been there before...who IS there now. You are an angel among women. You feel deeply, you hurt deeply, and you help deeply. I have gone through so many emotions this week for the Hebbs. I can only imagine what your thought processes may be. Molly, you are loved and adored by those who suffer this unthinkable pain, and those who can only imagine, because you offer hope that it is possible to
    just.
    keep.
    breathing....

    AND maintain some semblance of happiness while doing so. You are loved because you love, no matter how much it turns back time to do so. A Good Grief is probably so bitter sweet for you, isn't it? Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I talked to Tiff today, and she said she would be in touch, and was very appreciative.

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  3. President Hinckley always said to just make sure we were doing our best. Only you know what your best is and what you have or don't have to give.
    I admire you for allowing your life to be open to so many others. I hope you are seeing the blessing that that is to those who benefit from it. :)

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  4. This is probably the curse of being such a good voice for the grief community. I'm so sorry. I think taking a step back and giving yourself time to swim back to the surface and catch some air is a good thing. You're an amazing person, Molly, and the fact that you're doing as well as you are is really a testament to the strength of the soul. I wish I could come sit in your living room and we could chat or cry or do something silly. Hugs.

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  5. I read that the other day and it absolutely broke my heart to pieces. I have a 2 year old boy who is also my laundry helper, I can see how it could happen and it made me sick to my stomach. I am sorry you are the homing device, but I am so glad they have someone so amazing who can help them through this horrible tragedy.

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  6. I know that you truly must have angels buoying you up to help others in such tragic circumstances. It makes us all pause and send prayers heavenward...for all of you.

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  7. Wow. What a random random accident. Tears flow freely for this family. It's so sad.

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