I drop Peter off at pre-school and hear about a tragedy from another mom. Another child lost.
Later that day my inbox has several emails from family members and friends of the little angel, asking for help and advice, telling me their story.
I sometimes respond like a robot or it takes me days, weeks, months to respond.
Often I become numb or am so busy with Peter and my duties at home that I don't let it sink in too far.
But sometimes, late at night, when you've been fighting a horrific cold for days on end, and you are 31 weeks pregnant, and you haven't slept properly, and your husband and son are away for the night at grandpa's house--you read an email and a news story and you simply cannot breathe. You re-live it all again. And the pain you feel for the suffering family is so great you have to step away and distract yourself.
That is what happened to me last night. This is a common scenario in my life. I do not despise being a homing device for tragedy. I am grateful people know there is someone else out there they can talk to--to know that they are not alone.
But sometimes I want to walk away from it all. I am such a deep feeler, a deep thinker, a deep lover, a bottomless pit of emotion and love that either serve me well, or take me over to a place of paralyzing fear.
But this I do know, "You can either walk by and see someone drowning and ask do you need help, is there anything i can do, or you can jump in the water and try to save them."
There must be ACTION and not words alone. So what do I do? What do WE do?
I know I need to get feeling better. This has gone on for a long time. I am simply a mess. I need to focus on my family and my impending birth and simplify my life. But I can never, and will never, stop loving and reaching out and helping others. It is a lot to take in at times. Life can feel so heavy and burdensome and confusing. Thank goodness life is short. Not short enough, I often think. Not short enough.
Thanks for listening.
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