Meet My Readers Monday

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 4:28 PM


CAMILLE


My name is Camille and I live in Heber City,UT. I first heard about your sweet Lucy the day after her tragic accident.  I work with a physician who was at church that day.  He wasn't at work the following Monday and his partners told us of your story.  I was heartbroken.  When I spoke to him a few days later, he was so devastated as he told me she had passed away.  I became obsessed with Lucy's story (though I didn't even know her name at the time) as I also had a curly blonde 2 year old daughter myself.  I quit working shortly after this because I was pregnant with twins.  I thought about you from time to time when I saw that physician or went to Park City.  I just couldn't imagine your pain.  I saw a link to your blog on Facebook and I clicked on it.  I read the entire thing all night long...smiling and crying and just excited to actually put names and faces to a story I had often thought about.  I was sad and heartbroken yet inspired and uplifted.  My husband watched me read it and kept asking why I would read about something so sad.  I just couldn't explain to him how it made me feel.

I've had my own struggles, which in no way compare to yours, but are in a way ironic.  After about 3 years of marriage we learned we would likely never get pregnant on our own.  After years of procedure after procedure and lots of prayers, we had our daughter through IVF.  We felt so blessed.  Two years later we did IVF again and we had twin boys.  My life seemed complete.  For all those years I cried and prayed for children, I now had 3 under 3.....and I was depressed!  It was so so hard and between post-partum depression and the guilt I felt for not being blissfully happy as a mother since I had wanted this SO much....I was in a bad place.  I was home with my 3 kids under 3 feeling sorry for myself and then I would remember your story and feel horrible guilt for even thinking I had a reason to complain.  


I love that you are so real and so honest.  I can't tell you how helpful it is to me, to know that someone who has gone through the worst experience imaginable, doesn't preach to everyone about how you know there was a "reason" this happened.  I appreciate you being angry, frustrated, sad, but yet gracious and thankful for what you have and what you will have someday :)  You have helped me realize that while I do have a testimony of my Savior and I understand the plan of salvation, I don't have to go through life thinking there has to be a reason for everything.  Sometimes bad things happen, sometimes life just sucks and it's okay to feel all those emotions.  I really do admire you and appreciate you.  The only thing I don't like about blogs is getting to know someone through their writing, but never getting to meet them!!  Maybe someday we will run into each other and I will have the nerve to talk to you!



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4 Loving Lines

  1. I enjoyed reading about you Camille. My daughter has almost been married 7 years... last year she started the whole fertility testing. No baby yet... but we celebrate the miracle that my SIL after going through testicular cancer and chemo... is producing sperm and can father a child although he was told he would not be able to. Hearing your story gave me hope that one day my sweet daughter will have the child she longs for. I will warn her about multiples...

    ToOdLeS.

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  2. Camille, although infertility isn't an issue with me, I can relate to your feelings. My son was 21 months when I had my twin boys. I went into labor with them on the night of my third wedding anniversary! Ha! We don't waste any time procreating at our house! I've felt those same feelings of being trapped, wanting a moment alone, and feeling sorry for myself. I finally got on a low dose of an antidepressant when the babies were 6 months old and went off it shortly after their first birthday. It made a world of difference! It looks like your kiddos are around the same age as mine- and although it's a constant whirlwind of messes and craziness at my house it is fun and manageable. Don't you agree that twins are the best? (especially after they sleep all night!)

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  3. Camille, your words are really great to read & I appreciate you sharing! Those feelings are not uncommon & that is a relief to me. Thanks! :)

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  4. Loved your post, Camille. I had an IVF miracle and then found out we were expecting for FREE when he was 10 months old. Then, when baby brother was 8 months old we found out about our third child, a free daughter. :). Three babies in three years was a shock. Especially to a couple who'd been married for 12 years!

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