What I Never Imagined

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 2:09 PM

I never imagined that after becoming a mother I would lose my child in a sudden, shocking, soul crushing accident. 

I never imagined being able to emotionally handle having another child. Let alone, an adventurous, daring, physically aggressive little boy. 

I never imagined the strangers I would meet and come to love. 

I never imagined the out pouring of kindness I would experience and the softening of my soul. 

I never imagined I'd feel pain and anguish like I have. 

I never imagined the battle it would be to keep my marriage alive, happy, and thriving. (We're winning the battle very well). 

I never imagined I'd be raising money to pay for the headstones of other children who pass away. 

I never imagined partaking of the beautiful words of strangers who have found comfort and identity in my struggle. 

I never imagined the heartbreaking beauty amidst the backdrop of a sometimes very ugly life. 

I never imagined I would feel 80 yrs. old on the inside when I'm in my 30's. 

I never imagined how intensely I'd feel the love of God and see His hand in my life so poignantly. 

I never imagined I'd be driving home from my ultra sound appointment singing, "Don't stop believing...hold onto that fee ee ee ling." While simultaneously laughing and crying and feeling a whisper that says, "This is my gift to you. It means something and I am in charge and very aware."

Because I never imagined..







That I would be due with a baby girl on the same day as Lucy's birthday. 



Vic is scared. I am thrilled. Peter doesn't get it. God is in charge. Lucy is watching over. 

Baby girl Jackson-- 
{Although one of the photos above says "Kate", we are not naming her that. Though it is a wonderful and lovely name. These are nursery photos that inspire me. Click on photos to see websites}. 

Due June 11. 2012

I wore the appropriate color. And my Lucy necklace to comfort me.


{I also never imagined my big pregnant boobs could look so saggy in a photo when they are fabulous in real life}. 


I never imagined. And it is above and beyond all that I deserve. My deepest thanks to my creator, my daughter, my loyal and patient husband, my son--my sunshine, my soon-to-be daughter, my family, my blog readers, my friends who are too beautiful for words, my fellow angel families, my ward, the very air I breathe. Thank you. 

Life is beautiful. Don't stop believing. You can never imagine what life has in store. 

As my mom just said, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away..."



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83 Loving Lines

  1. Ha ha! Yes! Oh you lovely, lucky lady. Congrats. A girl. Not Lucy of course, but a GIRL. Lucy's sister. And Peter's sister. So happy for you.

    Triple hugs!

    What kind of girly things can I send you?

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  2. Congratulations! I was secretly hoping you would get a baby girl. Lucy is sending you a very special little lady, and I'm sure she'll be just as beautiful. And although I wasn't looking a few weeks ago, I'm sure your boobs are fabulous. Haha...

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  3. Yahoo! Another Girl! So happy! I knew when you told me the due date it was a girl! I love you all and tell Vic it will be alright. Love the nursery photos-. Congratulations. Peter will figure it out soon enough and he will love being a big brother to a special precious princess lady!

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  4. A girl! on Lucy's birthday! Perfect! I wonder if this little spirit will want to share the day... or have a day to call her own??? Time will tell. congratulations!

    ToOdLeS.

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  5. Oh how wonderful Molly and Vic. Beyond words. So exciting. Cannot wait to hear more about this. Just thrilled. The whole process of parenting is fearsome and miraculous and I will pray for peace for you both.

    May I suggest the name Megan, it's really a wonderful name for a girl. :)

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  6. YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!! I'm so beside myself. I'm so happy for Vic and Peter and Lucy and YOU, my favorite 80 year old :) Muchas felicidades!!!

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  7. Chill bumps. Good ones. Lots of them.

    So, so very happy for you.

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  8. Congratulations. I love the boob comment!

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  9. Yay for the baby girl!!!! I'm so happy for you Molly. I'm sure you are going to go to town on the girly nursery and clothes and accessories!

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  10. Congratulations! I am so happy for you!

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  11. I feel true happiness for you!

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  12. Best post!

    Life IS beautiful, Molly! I love the surprises that are hiding around the corner...we just never know, do we??

    I am thrilled for you guys! Baby girl will bring with her a special energy from above, no doubt. Two darling girls to call your own.

    You are looking great, by the way, hope you are feeling well too! WE LOVE YOU, VIC, PETER, LUCY, & BABY GIRL!!

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  13. What a sweet miracle and blessing. I am so excited for you guys!!!
    Those nursery's are fabulous.

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  14. Absolutely beautiful post!! I'm so thrilled for you and your darling family:) GOD IS GOOD:)

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  15. I am so happy for you. What a blessing for your family. All is well. All is well.

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  16. That's amazing! Congrats! I am really happy for you. That's the very same day my baby girl will be one! HAPPY DAY!!

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  17. Wonderful, wonderful news.

    =D

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  18. So happy for you. Beautiful.
    I am due with our first baby just a few days before you!

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  19. Ohhhhh - SO SO happy for you Molly! She is one blessed girl to be coming to such a fantastic family. CONGRATS! Love ya!

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  20. Molly! No words can describe how thrilled and excited I am for you guys! How amazing! That little Peter-man is a handsome little devil! I am so happy for you guys and we love you!

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  21. Yeah!!!! So thrilling! This is so great!And tell Vic not to be scared. :)

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  22. Ahhhhh- I am so happy for you and Vic! Girls are the best! Email me your new address. So So happy for you.

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  23. Hailey, Allie, Rachael and Lucy are thrilled, I'm just sure of it! This Jackson Family needs more girls. And with a girl cousin her age! What fun!

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  24. Congrats Molly! That is wonderful news!

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  25. I am so thrilled for you! That is an awesome gift on Lucy's birthday!So SO SO SO Happy for you both!!

    Congrats- Julie

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  26. I just got a little happy teary eyed for you! Cangratulations!

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  27. Aw, congrats. I can't even imagine what you and Vic are feeling. It will be such a bittersweet experience watching her grow. But I am so happy you'll get to raise another little girl.

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  28. Congrats Molly! What a lucky little spirit to be joining such an amazing family. She is one lucky girl! You have no idea how much reading your blog bring me so much comfort and peace. words cannot describe the joy i felt in reading this one! thank you for all you do!
    -Mary Ann Merrill

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  29. Hi. I have been a stalker of your blog for awhile. I am so happy for you and your family. I have a 21 year old son (Geoffrey) and a five (Olivia) and 2 year old (Marina) daughters. My youngest two are the same ages as you Lucy and Peter . I have gone through many twists and turns in this life, a divorce when young, a loss of a beloved second husband due to cancer, then the joy of finding my husband and having my girls. I know how grief is at times all consuming and unrelenting. Yet love and happiness is always able to prevail. You have inspired me beyond words. I just wanted you to know I have been routing for
    you and your family. Much love and joy.
    Tamara

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  30. YAYYYY!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!! I am so, so happy for you. What a tremendous blessing, and what an amazing way for the Lord to show you that you are loved and being watched over. I am just so thrilled for you!

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  31. Molly- I am so very, truly happy for you! Congrats on your bright future, you deserve it. You inspire me to be a better person, wife and especially mother everyday. I miss you and hope our paths cross again in the future... Best case senerio in a show :)

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  32. Congrats! I'm so excited for you! I'm crying tears of joy right now and I feel like you totally deserve to be a happy mommy of 2 beautiful daughters and a handsome son. Love you!

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  33. A baby girl- it's perfect. Totally perfect. Peter is going to love having a little sister and since he's older, he can totally protect her.

    It's strange to be so happy for a person that you don't even know yet here I am... so so so happy for you. Congrats.

    (I'm totally crying right now.)

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  34. I have goosebumps all over! I am SO excited for you and your sweet little family. What a lucky girl to come to you. What happy news!! xo

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  35. Tears. Goosebumps. Oh, Molly. Congratulations doesn't seem sufficient, but congratulations. This is the best news I've heard in basically ever.

    And you look beautiful and radiant. (And so not saggy.)

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  36. I couldn't be more excited for you. Your obvious happiness makes me happy. How blessed is this little girl to be coming to your family! How blessed we all are by you sharing your experiences. Lucy must be thrilled to be getting a sister!!!
    Love to you all...

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  37. Oh boy! Or should I say 'oh girl'! Congrats! I've been reading your blog since Lucy's passing and I had tears reading this post! I really wanted you to have a baby girl! Oh yes, boys are fabulous, I have 2 myself that I love to pieces. But I also have one daughter and mothering a daughter is just different and I so wanted you to have that experience. again. Who am I, a stranger to want you to experience something? I don't know...like a previous commentator, she won't be Lucy but she will be her sister and Peter's sister and oh boy, it's soooo exciting! Congrats again!!!

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  38. That is soooo awesome! I seriously have chills everywhere. So neat. Congrats to you and yours!

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  39. Molly, you are AWESOME! Congrats on the baby girl.

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  40. I am so happy for you and your family. I got excited for a minute about the name kate because I have one! I love your strength and your ability to share your whole soul with all of us. Thank you.

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  41. Oh Molly! So so happy for you! Thanks for sharing your beautiful, gut wrenching life with us! Congratulations on your new baby girl!!

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  42. I am pretty sure that reincarnation is not a Mormon belief...but still, you have to imagine that Lucy's soul has touched this little soul in a way that will bring a little bit of her self back to you. Beautiful news.

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  43. Didn't you just say went for a run this week? What an inspirational mama! Congrats on your little girl!

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  44. Goosebumps here too. So very excited for you!

    Oh, and my saggy puts your (non)saggy to shame!

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  45. I read this and cried. Then I pulled my husband into our room, read it to him, and we both cried. Tears of pure joy and SUCH happiness for you. For your little family. That God is SO aware of every detail of our lives. That He is so aware of YOU. What a beautiful, tender mercy.

    So, SO happy for you, Molly.

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  46. I knew this baby was going to be a girl. I just knew it. I'm so happy for you. I actually feel butterflies in my stomach. Silly huh?

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  47. BRAVA!!! This is thrilling news. It's no exaggeration when I say that I couldn't be more elated for you FIVE!

    (Now would you please bring your pregnant self to Boston?)

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  48. Molly, thank you for this post that reminds me that god is in the details, that he gives good gifts to his children, and that there is hope ahead. I needed it. I'm so happy for you!

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  49. Molly, thank you for this beautiful post. My son has been gone for three months and sometimes it is hard to have much hope for the future. Your post reminds me that God is in the details, that he gives good gifts to his children, and that there is hope and joy ahead.

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  50. It's hard to imagine that things have come full circle for your family in this incredible way. You couldn't make up a more beautiful story about your third child. Love you, Mollz! And I believe you about the boob thing...

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  51. Wonderful news. So glad you are able to feel so happy right now.

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  52. I got chills reading this! I'm so grateful for you for sharing! It's great to remind us that Heavenly Father is there and He loves us and He knows so much more than we do! This is truly a miracle! Bless you and your cute family!

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  53. Congratulations! I cried in Costco when I got your text. This post is beautiful, and I'm so thrilled for you, Vic, and Peter.

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  54. Congrats to you and your family! I thought your ultrasound wasn't for a few more weeks, so this was a early treat! Keep the updates coming! I absolutely loved running with you--one of the highlights from this trip. Love ya Molly!

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  55. Congratulations! I'm so glad you told us about your boobs. Puts my mind at ease. Ha ha ha.

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  56. Oh Molly! This post made me tear up with happiness for you and your family. Congratulations!

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  57. Molly,
    Congratulations!! A girl. . . we are prego too; I am due June 12th and we are having a boy. I have to say, I am scared to have another boy after losing Luke. My husband is having a hard time with it also. I know that Heavenly Father knows this is the best thing for us, but I am still scared. Your excitement encourages me.

    Jan Taylor

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  58. Absolutely over the moon for you!! Ah this post brought a tear to my eye xx

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  59. Dear Molly, Your post made me cry. I found your blog by accident and have been following your journey. I lost my husband 3 years ago, Dec. 20, 2008. Life is good, and all is well, but I ache for him at times, as do my children. Your blog inspires me, and helps me know I'm not alone in some of my thoughts and feelings. This post is sweet, and tender, and joyful. I am so happy for you.

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  60. I just knew it! Congratulations again and again. Beyond expressions for happiness for you!!

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  61. I read your blog from time to time, I just wanted to tell you I love this post. Its such a reminder that the Lord truly loves his children. Congrats!

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  62. This makes me smile. REALLY smile. :) Congratulations, Molly!!!

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  63. Oh Molly, those words... a baby girl on the same day as Lucy's birthday, made me cry!! I am super thrilled for you, Vic, Peter and little Miss Lucy! Congratulations! God is GOOD!

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  64. Congratulations Jackson Family! I have tears in my eyes and a grateful heart for you! How wonderful!

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  65. Congratulations! So happy for you :)

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  66. Wow, congratulations! Beautiful post and I am so proud for you all! 2012 is going to be a beautiful year! Five more weeks and I will get to meet my first grand child, Miss Preslee Jo! Yes, itis going to be a beautiful year. Thank you Lord for all you have done for us! A friend in East Texas, Pam.

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  67. This is such wonderful, life-affirming, hugs-from-beyond kind of news.

    I can't wait to meet the new little one!

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  68. Molly! Yeah! What a great post. I love the whisper you heard about this baby girl being a gift. I have felt that way about Wilson so many times. I can't wait to meet her. I imagine Lucy teacher her the ropes right now. Lucky girls.

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  69. I never imagined I could love a sweet lady I have never met. But I do.

    I never imagined that I could cry oceans of tears over a baby girl so suddenly and violently taken form this world. But I did.

    I never imagined I would cheer on a little dude named Peter more than my own nephew Peter. But I do.

    I never imagine I would have greater anticipation waiting to learn the gender of a beloved baby more than I did with my own siblings. But I have been waiting and checking with eager, joyful anticipation knowing that this day was close.

    I never imagined I would read your post and burst into tears of utter happiness for my sweet, deserving cyber friends Molly and Vic. But that is exactly what I did.

    No one, no thing can ever fully erase the agony of Lucy's death. A baby girl and on Lucy's birthday is God's reminder that hope and grace irate gifts and He chose yu for this baby on what ever day she comes.

    I am a mess reading this joyous news. A happy, blubbering mess. God be praised Baby Girl Jackson is on her way home. Nice work Lucy, nice work!!!!

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  70. LOVE LOVE LOVE this - HUGE congratutions to you and Vic and Peter!

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  71. You look stunning here. Boobs and all. :)

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  72. Oh Molly
    We are thrilled for you. She will bring you so much joy. Lucy is teaching her all the tricks. I think you should name her Hope. I need to come your way and visit. It's been a long time since we've seen each other. Sending lots of love your way.

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  73. I'm so thrilled for you! Thrilled that you get the chance to raise another beautiful girl. Peter will take care of his little sister and Lucy will watch her from above. Congratulations!

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  74. AWWWW!!! YAY A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! :) Congratulations! What a tender mercy!

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  75. I just commented on your extract on the Blogher site and then came here to your blog, you've made me cry twice now... Congratulations, I am so sincerely happy for you...

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  76. Love you Molly. Congratulations. I know Heavenly Father loves you. I'm so glad!

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  77. Just finding your story. How incredible. Congrats on your new addition and love to you, Vic, Peter and Lucy.

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  78. Reading this gives me a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I'm very happy for you and your family; congratulations! My prayers are with you all.

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  79. That is amazing! God is in control and He knows just what we need and just when we need it. When our little man passed away, in 2008, Heavenly Father blessed us again, 5 months later, with another sweet little boy. He reminds us so much of his older brother. Blonde hair and blue eyes...and yet so different. You couldn't be more correct...Heavenly Father is in control and He loves us SO very much. What a sweet tender mercy. Congrats.

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  80. I came over from BlogHer, and I've been reading your blog for the longest time, Lucy's story, your family's stories....it's so beautiful and your faith is truly inspirational. I wish you all the best! Congrats on the new baby girl on the way.

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  81. I am so excited for you! I have posted before telling you that I am expecting my first child on the same date. So much has happened since then. I am expecting identical twins - girls - on June 11, 2012. My babies suffered from a serious illness in the womb and I was terrified I would lose both of them. I prayed overtime and so did many other people but your story taught me that even if those prayers do not result in the miracle we expected, it does not mean that Heavenly Father isn't working miracles of His own design for us. Your ever-evolving story helped me find peace in a scary and unpredictable time. I underwent intrauterine surgery last week and both of my girls survived it and are healing at amazing rates. Their survival expectancy went from 10% to 98%! I pray harder than ever now. I pray that I will have the wisdom and strength to guide my daughters to trust in their Heavenly Father and love Him through it all. As you know, we are halfway through thepregnancies and have a long way to go. I am here with you, praying for all 4 of our daughters :)

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