I had a quiet moment to myself this afternoon and I didn't know what to do. Clean? Try to nap? Read a book? Make phone calls and return emails? Sew something? Organize my closet? Make myself famous?
I sat down with a bowl of creamy roasted red pepper tomato soup and flipped open the Engisn. The Ensign is the monthly magazine my church publishes. I opened directly to an article entitled, "What Happy Couples Do." It was simple and direct and had great advice. I feel happily married. I want Vic to feel happily married. I was glad I read it. I always need to be reminded and I always, always need to improve.
But what really caught my eye was a small quote on the side of the article by one of our past prophets, Spencer W. Kimball. I don't remember the details of what he said, (something about peaceful marriages), but I remember that he quoted part of the scripture in Phillipians that speaks of "the peace which passeth all understanding."
I read and re-read that short phrase five times.
The peace which passeth all understanding.
You guys--this is the exact opposite phrase and sentiment I have been feeling about the pain since Lucy died. It is a PAIN and agony that passeth all understanding. And I know you know that it has haunted and bewildered me. The battles which have raged in my mind and the thought patterns I have held onto with an unrelenting grip...they are staggering.
And to read that phrase, "The peace which passeth all understanding"... I cried. Something told me clear as day that my mind doesn't have to be wrapped up in the indescribeable pain, but can be freed and joyful because of the indescribeable peace. It hit me hard. Very hard.
This happened 5 minutes ago.
I had to write it down. I had to share it. I'm sure you have found yourself thinking, "If I lost a child I couldn't handle it. I couldn't do it. How are you living?" You could. You can. It is because of the peace that passeth all understanding. It is the love and kindness and service that exceeds my mortal understanding. That is how.
I googled this phrase to learn more about it and find more scriptures relating to it, etc. I stumbled upon this article and I absolutely love it. I'm not sure who this woman is or what her background is (sounds like she might be Catholic?) but her words are wonderful. You really should read it.
CLICK HERE to read it. Let me know what you think.
Also, I might be feeling especially grateful for the peace because Peter has been napping in his cage for almost 3 hours. No, it couldn't be that.