*Photo by CARRIE BUTLER
I needed a break.
I'm still recovering from the dark abyss I've been in. But I feel like I'm turning a corner. I haven't felt true depression like this in years.
But I have to be totally honest. I owe it to my wonderful readers who give me such great words of encouragement.
The whole truth:
Part of the reason I've been so crazy/moody/emotional/grief stricken/sleep deprived/insane is because
And I'm due on Lucy's birthday.
And I do feel like its a girl. Though, of course you never know.
And I had to go off my sleeping meds.
And I've been quite sick.
And pregnancy can do crazy things like make you breathe fire and stuff. And make your husband's deodorant smell like a dying hippo.
The walls of my home were caving in, the walls in my mind were caving in, Park City was caving in on me...I felt like I had no where to run. No where to turn.
But there are a lot of people who have been helping me and I get to blog all about them for the next 30 days in this season of THANKS.
So there it is. Little Miss Molly is making another human being. It's hard work. I've been saying things like, "I wouldn't wish parenthood on my worst enemy. It's just too hard." (Because this isn't just about the alien inside of me causing panic attacks, it's also about the 2 1/2 year old stinker napping in the other room. Boyfriend is out of control).
HOWEVER, this is what I wanted. And still want. And am THANKFUL FOR. And it is what I shed tears of joy over, knowing Lucy and baby #3 will likely share a birthday. Of all the days of the year...(I've been given two due dates. June 8th, the day Lucy was DUE, and June 11th, the day she was BORN)
I'm thankful Peter will get to experience having a living sibling. I'm thankful my body is working well enough to get pregnant and hopefully all will go well for the next 7 months in the womb. I'm thankful for all of you great people.
P.S. This photo was taken a few days after I found out I was pregnant. I hadn't left the house or put on makeup in days. I was so dizzy and exhausted. But Carrie totally boosted my spirits and I was happy to have an excuse to curl my hair and look like a human for a little while. That always helps. So does running.