Ogres

By Vic - 1:29 PM



So Molly is in New York for a few days. Peter and I stayed with my parents Wed and Thurs so they could watch Peter during the day. He had a blast. Tonight, being Friday, Peter and I got a pizza and watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm kidding! Jeesh, don't freak out. We rented Shrek 4 [which may have been pushing it - those witches and that Rumpelstiltskin were creepy. Don't worry Honey, we didn't get any pizza on the couch or carpet].

I really liked the movie. Did you know that on our honeymoon Molly and I saw Shrek 2? I really like the love story in the Shrek movies. The imperfection. It helps me. I struggle with my flaws and frailties. I am not comfortable with them. I don't like them to be seen by others. For example I have always been a little embarrassed that we went and saw Shrek on our honeymoon. It just seems... mundane? Granted that you can't spend your entire honeymoon doing certain things, but I always felt like it was... weak. Not "grand" enough for such a special occasion. But we were poor, and we'd already been biking, hiking, the alpine slide and Olympic park [We came to Park city on our honey moon]. I hadn't planned anything else. So we went and saw Shrek 2.

Do you remember the video that Molly posted a few months ago? The speech on vulnerability from the TED conference? It definitely resonated with me because I struggle with the desire to hide my weaknesses, imperfections [perceived and real], and vulnerabilities from others. And since I perceive watching Shrek to be less than an ideal activity for a honeymoon, I have, as I said, always been a little embarrassed to acknowledge its place in our honeymoon [at least there were some other activities that were ideal to offset it, right?]. And yes, I understand that taking your bride to see a movie on your honeymoon is pretty minor as far as flaws are concerned; I'm starting off small here so cut me some slack.

So tonight as I watched Shrek, with Peter nestled in the crook of my arm, I thought about Molly and me. Our love, our struggles, our life together. Sometimes Molly tells me I am her rock, her knight in shinning armor etc [the things we men want to be for our wives]. Other times... well other times I am an ogre, mean smelly, selfish and undesireable. Frankly, sometimes Molly is too [and not just because she can kick butt like Fiona]. We are imperfect. [Sweettart, is it ok if I lump you in with me here? It helps me to be able to hold on to you as I try to admit I am flawed.]

Shrek has an "Its a Wonderful Life" kind of an experience [one of the greatest movies of all time by the way]. He loses sight of how good things really are, and gets stuck on the imperfections. He starts to think life would be easier without all his responsibilities as husband and father. When he is given his "wish" he realizes of course how great his life really is. He then has to fight his way back to his life. There is a line at the end of movie where the good has triumphed, Rumpelstiltskin has been vanquished and Shrek is together at last with Fiona. Fiona tells Shrek "you saved me" and Shrek replies "no, you saved me". I thought about Molly and I. As I thought about my imperfect Sweettart, who is stuck with her imperfect man I thought about how she has saved me, how she is saving me, about how I need her. This summer has been hard. We have struggled. There have been some uncomfortable "downs". That's just the way things go sometimes.

What started out has a fun guy's night ended with me thinking about all this stuff, but most particularly about my love, my Sweettart, my Molly. [At least after all the drinking was over and I put Peter to bed. Man can that kid down chocolate milk!!! One, two glasses and I am done, but that kid just keeps going and going]. I am lucky to have Molly and all her wild actor singer dancer craziness. I love her and the part she plays in my life. And this is not just chocolate milk hangover talking. It is now Sunday afternoon. I am trying to correct my spelling errors [I'm not going to mess much with the grammar - sorry Babe] and am still thinking about Molly. She will be home tomorrow evening and I am glad, because I love her.

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23 Loving Lines

  1. You & Molly are so lucky to have EACH OTHER. I appreciate the raw emotion in this dialogue...I've been feeling a bit ogre-ish myself lately.

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  2. Vic,

    You two of been through more already than most marriages endure through a lifetime. I think no matter what if you can still remember how lucky you are to have her (and you are) you can not be doing all that bad! I am glad you have each other-on a side note Lucy and Peter are so lucky to have you for a daddy, you are such a cute dad.

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  3. Wow. Vic I'm pretty sure any flaws you might have will definitely be canceled out once Molly reads this post. It's a beautiful expression of love for your Molly.

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  4. Wow, this was really sweet. Thanks Vic.

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  5. Awww - such a sweet love note. Sounds like a fun guys-night-in.
    we sure miss you guys!

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  6. I admire how you and Molly both have the courage to be so honest, so open, and don't hide the hard stuff. You, like she, teach all of us who read this blog. Thank you for that.

    I won't tell you I understand because I don't. I've never been in your position. We who don't know make assumptions that are faulty and it's good to know the truth. One of my dearest friends lost her child a few days before her third birthday, over 20 years ago, and she has never been the same. I never understood, because she seldom will speak of it. But through you and Molly I see clearly what she has gone through. It's helped me be with her, and understand her. Thank you both for that.

    Her marriage survived, but it took a long time and a lot of work. They had to fall in love again, with the new people they had become after losing their daughter. Their old love didn't apply because they weren't the same people. I'm sure you know that already. It must be another painful loss. It breaks my heart. But there is hope. I've seen it done, with miraculous results.

    You are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers, as always.

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  7. This is so sweet. I always liked Shrek because it was a "down-to-earth fairytale," and that's what you guys have...a fairytale love in an imperfect world. I have no doubt it'll be happily ever after.

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  8. ya Vic, you're totally an Ogre. ;) Glad you have Fiona though too. That was an excellent post. Wish I could get David to contribute to our blog these days... it's nice to hear from the men in the family.

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  9. Vic... great post! You are lucky in LOVE! Have you seen Tangled? Many friends I know didn't think to see it with their sons but honestly you, and even Peter would love it! Sounds like you have had a fun weekend too!

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  10. I like this. Well done. She is a treasure. :)

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  11. Despite all the heartache, your lovestory keloids wonderful, old romantic movie. It is genuine and messy and you share it all. More than anything, your ability to love each other warts and all is what will you you through the painful, agonizing rebuilding after Lucy's death. I am so sorry you lost your precious, beautiful Lucy. But I know she is proud of not just your ability to survive. She is proud of your ability to love despite such deep pain. It honors the love she gave you and the love you gave her. And it is hard work. Yup, like a beautiful movie. And may your love andlide continue happily ever after!

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  12. Vic,
    It's so nice to hear from you. I Love your take on Shrek it is one of our family favorites as well. Also, if it makes you feel any better the first week David and I were married I made him take me to the ER. I was very sick with an allergic reaction to some antibiotics for a sinus infection. For about a week my lips seems to be peeling off my face and I couldn't eat anything except Chicken Broth. Talk about a bad first week of marriage(no doing certain things for us that first week). But he stuck with me and now we rarely think of that one week in our 13 years. And when we do it's just a tender memory of two lucky people starting their life together. A life that is almost never perfect. But I know we're perfect for each other and I'm sure you and Molly have felt that same feeling many times too.

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  13. This was beautiful, Vic. My husband and I went to see Charlotte's Web on our honeymoon. You articulated emotions within me that I have felt for nearly five years.

    It is so good to know we are loved by our spouses... imperfections and Disney movies and all.

    I am glad you have Molly and that she has you.

    Best,
    Molly R

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  14. I may be wrong here, but I'd bet big money that women everywhere would melt in their husbands arms to hear something like this. What a very sweet post.

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  15. I absolutely LOVE the realness you two bring this blog. It is so refreshing and so uplifting to hear that we all struggle with the same things at points along our journey and to hear again that it's ok to be imperfect.
    Thank you.

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  16. I am amazed at the courage & strength you have shown in everything you have shared, Vic.

    Thank you for your incredible example. Molly is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have her.

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  17. I love that post, vic! Maybe that's why I like Shrek too- the ugly princess still gets her prince. I often think that Pete isn't perfect (I am far from it!) but he is perfect for ME! And I wouldn't have any one else! Even though he is anti social and a total home body. He is just the best for me! Ahhh, Love!

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  18. P.s pizza and milk chocolate?! HELLO! Yummm! I'd watch texas chainsaw masacre with you!

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  19. Vic, you are such a good example! I tell Jack that he has to behave and show his siblings how it's done. You are doing that again and again for me. Maybe someday I will come to terms with my ogre side... not sure if I can be as open with them but we'll start small.

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  20. I truly loved your post. Thank you for sharing and for adding your feelings!

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  21. Vic can we really love you any more than we already do? I didn't think so until I read this. It makes me love Molly more too. It also makes me miss you both even more.


    (But I have to admit I still don't love Shrek. I feel anxious, and irritated and bugged watching it. Maybe that is because when we decided to take our little family to see it, someone was breaking into our car to steal our garage door opener and insurance card with our address, driving to our house and conveniently breaking into our house. Maybe that's why).

    Joy

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