The City and Woman that Never Sleeps

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I'm back from New York.

You guys.

It was insane. In an awesome and horrible way.

This is the thing: Supposedly I love to travel. But I do not travel WELL I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again--I HATE FLYING. I hate it. I didn't use to hate it. But now I do. 500 miles per hour thousands of feet off the ground? I can't take it. My anxiety was in full throttle.

I didn't sleep the night before we left because I was so excited/anxious. I didn't sleep the night we got there because I was so excited/anxious about going to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire the next morning. (You heard me). I kind of slept the next night after seeing Memphis on Broadway and eating the best food on earth. I slept a tiny bit better the next night in Brooklyn after singing my guts out at New York's most famous piano bar, "Don't Tell Mama". I slept a little the next night knowing I'd be saying goodbye to my friends and staying an extra day and a half by myself. And I got in only a few hours the next night because I was so excited/anxious to fly home and see my boys. I had my ambien, my xanax, my ativan...and I still couldn't sleep. I hate anxiety and post traumatic stress. I often ask myself, "How do I LIVE?" I guess the lady that never sleeps fits right into the city that never does. But it isn't fun.

I was on a the verge of a nervous breakdown the whole time. I loved it and hated it. I was exhausted and thrilled. I was overwhelmed and giddy and sweaty and humid. I ran my butt off in Central Park and was elated. ELATED. I ran my butt off for two days in Brooklyn Heights and couldn't handle the awesomeness. There is no charge for awesomeness.

I ate food so good I wanted to cry. I missed Lucy deeper and more terribly than ever and thought I would explode and when they examined the evidence it would be all tears and grief.  I missed Peter something fierce and could have hyperventilated on the drop of a dime just thinking about it. I missed my Vic. A lot. It hurt.

I had the time of my life, I thought I was going to lose my life. I was thrilled to be back in the city, I hated being back in the city. I wanted to live there and be on Broadway, I wondered how I ever handled living there. I wanted to buy everything, I wanted to buy nothing because it was so overwhelming.

I saw Jersey Boys. I laughed, I cried. I danced and sang in my front row seat. Dominic Nolfi (Tommy DeVito) winked at me onstage.

I walked my butt off and packed the wrong clothes. It was hotter than a mother on the 4th of July. The noise. The constant motion. I loved it and hated it.

And I'll post photos later this week with more fun details. (Like the vintage dress I DIDN'T buy at the Upper West Side flea market--more tears. What was I thinking??)


  1. How fun! I think?! I love NYC! We were just there last month AND we went to "Don't Tell Mamma's" if you want a great story on the matter-refer to my blog

  2. I have never been to NYC... and I wonder if this small town rural girl would enjoy a visit there one day.


  3. Had I been with you, you'd own that dress. ;) Next time, sister.

    This post was raw and real and painful and beautiful. Thank you for sharing all of it, the good and the hard.

    And yes, it's hot as a mother here. If Fall doesn't hurry up and get here, I may be in Park City before Sundance.

  4. It gives new meaning to "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times," right? I'm still recovering from the awesomeness and horribleness. One thing is certain; you are a fantastic travel partner! (non-sleeper and all) - Rachael

  5. Wow...Molly~ your post gave me anxiety! You write so well that I got all caught up in the moment myself! Glad your home safe and sound!

  6. So glad you are safely home! LOOOVED you description of your trip.

    (ummm, some of us are curious what you thought of Vic's post...)

  7. Oh I love that place. But even for the city, THE city, that is a lot of intensity. It'll bring it out in you. I'm glad you got to go.

  8. Molly, where in Brooklyn did you stay? And what were you doing running around Brooklyn? Sorry, we love Brooklyn. Brooklyn.
    -Chris (totally jealous)

  9. Man. This is how I feel. Every day. (don't ask me what drugs I'm on)

  10. I am happy for the amazing good parts of your friend was there too while you were and saw Memphis. Did you see the riots on Wall Street?


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