The City and Woman that Never Sleeps

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 2:19 PM



I'm back from New York.

You guys.

It was insane. In an awesome and horrible way.

This is the thing: Supposedly I love to travel. But I do not travel WELL I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again--I HATE FLYING. I hate it. I didn't use to hate it. But now I do. 500 miles per hour thousands of feet off the ground? I can't take it. My anxiety was in full throttle.

I didn't sleep the night before we left because I was so excited/anxious. I didn't sleep the night we got there because I was so excited/anxious about going to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire the next morning. (You heard me). I kind of slept the next night after seeing Memphis on Broadway and eating the best food on earth. I slept a tiny bit better the next night in Brooklyn after singing my guts out at New York's most famous piano bar, "Don't Tell Mama". I slept a little the next night knowing I'd be saying goodbye to my friends and staying an extra day and a half by myself. And I got in only a few hours the next night because I was so excited/anxious to fly home and see my boys. I had my ambien, my xanax, my ativan...and I still couldn't sleep. I hate anxiety and post traumatic stress. I often ask myself, "How do I LIVE?" I guess the lady that never sleeps fits right into the city that never does. But it isn't fun.

I was on a the verge of a nervous breakdown the whole time. I loved it and hated it. I was exhausted and thrilled. I was overwhelmed and giddy and sweaty and humid. I ran my butt off in Central Park and was elated. ELATED. I ran my butt off for two days in Brooklyn Heights and couldn't handle the awesomeness. There is no charge for awesomeness.

I ate food so good I wanted to cry. I missed Lucy deeper and more terribly than ever and thought I would explode and when they examined the evidence it would be all tears and grief.  I missed Peter something fierce and could have hyperventilated on the drop of a dime just thinking about it. I missed my Vic. A lot. It hurt.

I had the time of my life, I thought I was going to lose my life. I was thrilled to be back in the city, I hated being back in the city. I wanted to live there and be on Broadway, I wondered how I ever handled living there. I wanted to buy everything, I wanted to buy nothing because it was so overwhelming.

I saw Jersey Boys. I laughed, I cried. I danced and sang in my front row seat. Dominic Nolfi (Tommy DeVito) winked at me onstage.

I walked my butt off and packed the wrong clothes. It was hotter than a mother on the 4th of July. The noise. The constant motion. I loved it and hated it.

And I'll post photos later this week with more fun details. (Like the vintage dress I DIDN'T buy at the Upper West Side flea market--more tears. What was I thinking??)

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  1. How fun! I think?! I love NYC! We were just there last month AND we went to "Don't Tell Mamma's" if you want a great story on the matter-refer to my blog http://nataliesnewspot.blogspot.com/2011/08/20-most-important-things-i-learned-in.html

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  2. I have never been to NYC... and I wonder if this small town rural girl would enjoy a visit there one day.

    ToOdLeS.

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  3. Had I been with you, you'd own that dress. ;) Next time, sister.

    This post was raw and real and painful and beautiful. Thank you for sharing all of it, the good and the hard.

    And yes, it's hot as a mother here. If Fall doesn't hurry up and get here, I may be in Park City before Sundance.

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  4. It gives new meaning to "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times," right? I'm still recovering from the awesomeness and horribleness. One thing is certain; you are a fantastic travel partner! (non-sleeper and all) - Rachael

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  5. Wow...Molly~ your post gave me anxiety! You write so well that I got all caught up in the moment myself! Glad your home safe and sound!

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  6. So glad you are safely home! LOOOVED you description of your trip.

    (ummm, some of us are curious what you thought of Vic's post...)

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  7. Oh I love that place. But even for the city, THE city, that is a lot of intensity. It'll bring it out in you. I'm glad you got to go.

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  8. Molly, where in Brooklyn did you stay? And what were you doing running around Brooklyn? Sorry, we love Brooklyn. Brooklyn.
    -Chris (totally jealous)

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  9. Man. This is how I feel. Every day. (don't ask me what drugs I'm on)

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  10. I am happy for the amazing good parts of your trip..my friend was there too while you were and saw Memphis. Did you see the riots on Wall Street?

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