Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The City and Woman that Never Sleeps
I'm back from New York.
It was insane. In an awesome and horrible way.
This is the thing: Supposedly I love to travel. But I do not travel WELL I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again--I HATE FLYING. I hate it. I didn't use to hate it. But now I do. 500 miles per hour thousands of feet off the ground? I can't take it. My anxiety was in full throttle.
I didn't sleep the night before we left because I was so excited/anxious. I didn't sleep the night we got there because I was so excited/anxious about going to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire the next morning. (You heard me). I kind of slept the next night after seeing Memphis on Broadway and eating the best food on earth. I slept a tiny bit better the next night in Brooklyn after singing my guts out at New York's most famous piano bar, "Don't Tell Mama". I slept a little the next night knowing I'd be saying goodbye to my friends and staying an extra day and a half by myself. And I got in only a few hours the next night because I was so excited/anxious to fly home and see my boys. I had my ambien, my xanax, my ativan...and I still couldn't sleep. I hate anxiety and post traumatic stress. I often ask myself, "How do I LIVE?" I guess the lady that never sleeps fits right into the city that never does. But it isn't fun.
I was on a the verge of a nervous breakdown the whole time. I loved it and hated it. I was exhausted and thrilled. I was overwhelmed and giddy and sweaty and humid. I ran my butt off in Central Park and was elated. ELATED. I ran my butt off for two days in Brooklyn Heights and couldn't handle the awesomeness. There is no charge for awesomeness.
I ate food so good I wanted to cry. I missed Lucy deeper and more terribly than ever and thought I would explode and when they examined the evidence it would be all tears and grief. I missed Peter something fierce and could have hyperventilated on the drop of a dime just thinking about it. I missed my Vic. A lot. It hurt.
I had the time of my life, I thought I was going to lose my life. I was thrilled to be back in the city, I hated being back in the city. I wanted to live there and be on Broadway, I wondered how I ever handled living there. I wanted to buy everything, I wanted to buy nothing because it was so overwhelming.
I saw Jersey Boys. I laughed, I cried. I danced and sang in my front row seat. Dominic Nolfi (Tommy DeVito) winked at me onstage.
I walked my butt off and packed the wrong clothes. It was hotter than a mother on the 4th of July. The noise. The constant motion. I loved it and hated it.
And I'll post photos later this week with more fun details. (Like the vintage dress I DIDN'T buy at the Upper West Side flea market--more tears. What was I thinking??)
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