My name is Tiffany Nutter. I had a professor in college try desperately to convince me to hyphenate it with my maiden name, making me Tiffany Winkel-Nutter, but I didn't want people to think I was from a Dr. Seuss story, so Tiffany Nutter it is. You don't have to live with it, so don't try to change my mind.
Being the narcissistic, self-centered, attention-starved person that I am, I usually jump at the chance to talk about myself as well as display it to the world. But ever since Molly began these "Meet My Readers"' posts, I've hesitated to contribute because I just can't bring myself to impose myself on a place so sacred.
Yes, Molly. You're blog is sacred to me. It's a place I didn't stumble upon until Lucy was at the hospital, balancing in between this life and the next. And as a mother of two healthy girls, I almost feel guilty trying to show my face here. That's not to say my life hasn't had its fair share of trials (a severely colicky baby, a post-partum depression diagnosis, a miscarriage) - but nothing nearly as severe or devastatingly "permanent."
I met Molly when we were both "older girls" in the MDT program at BYU. Molly had served a mission and I had been at another school as well as a performing stint in Japan. Our first class together was a voice class with a lot of 18 & 19 year old girls. I felt a little out-of-place and always wondered if she did, too. She may not have been aware of this, but I always felt that we were very similar in many ways.... aside from our age. We were both pursuing the same degree and were loud, brash, funny, loud, sarcastic, and did I mention loud? Her jokes always seemed to go over better than mine, though. And anyone who knows MDT majors might think, "Aren't they all that way, though?" I'd say yes, except that I felt Molly and I were a different kind of those things. A sincere kind of those things. Ourselves. And I liked and respected her for that
We weren't particularly close. We had classes together. And I would definitely say we were "friends." But time went by; she graduated; I graduated; that was that. It wasn't until a somewhat vague facebook status appeared on Molly's profile 3 years ago (has it been that long?!) that I went in search of her blog. And when I got there, I read a brief post about Lucy's accident. For three days, I checked every hour on the hour, wondering what was going to be the outcome of this impending tragedy. And when I read the official post of sweet Lucy's passing, I cried. Hard. Really hard, actually. I even called my husband at work to inform him because I'd been telling him of the situation for a couple of days. (I'm not really supposed to call him at work). I just couldn't believe how affected I was.
Needless to say, when I woke my then 2 1/2-year-old from her nap that day, I held her and hugged her and kissed her face. She didn't know why. I didn't tell her why. I just couldn't help it. And that night I cried more as I started to deal with the guilt that consumed me after tucking in my very healthy and happy little girl to bed that night. I was surprised at the guilt I felt that followed for a couple of weeks. And when a month went by and I would go a few days without it crossing my mind, I would feel guilty again for forgetting, knowing full well Molly couldn't forget.
Every time Molly blogs about her pain recurring and being renewed, I have that guilt again. And even way down here in Southern California, I feel an ache to run over to her house with wild flowers, hot chocolate chip cookies, and a shoulder to cry on.
I am a stay-at-home mom, by choice, to my two little girls. Malia is 5 1/2 and Cecily is 2 1/2. I have a wonderful husband who I met while doing the afore-mentioned performing job in Japan. I teach piano & voice lessons on the side to occasionally make ends meet in the over-expensive but beautiful location of Orange County in California. I haven't had my natural hair color in over 12 years. Blogging and Church are the only things I have that make me feel like I have any sort of a social life outside of pre-school/toddler land.
.... is this the part where I say, "And I'm a Mormon?"
If you'd like to get to know this hilarious and out of control talented woman, you can visit her BLOG. Really, you should hear her sing.