Meet My Readers Monday

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 8:36 AM


I don't remember exactly when I first found the Jacksons' blog. I know it was a few months after Lucy passed away. I was doing a Google image search for “dancer's feet” to prove a point to my husband about how brutal dancing injuries are. Molly had made a silly post about dancing for her production of Peter Pan, and the image from her post came up in my search. (It wasn't really her feet, but it was the most disgusting image Google could come up with, so kudos to Molly on traumatizing my husband for life with that picture.) I started looking around her blog and I saw a picture of Lucy and thought What an adorable child. I still remember how my heart stopped when I read about her tragic accident. I had to read it twice. For such a vibrant and beautiful person to be absent from the world seemed to defy the very laws of physics. You know how you can just tell that certain people are special? They have a radiance about them. I wanted to know more about her. So I kept reading.

By way of introduction, my name is Megan. I'm an editor, a writer, a wife, a new mother. I used to want to be a famous novelist journalist pirate princess (dream big) until I realized that what I really wanted to do with my life was write poems in my bathrobe and have 20 minute conversations about baby poop with my husband (true story). I was 24 and soon-to-be-married when I stumbled upon Molly's blog about motherhood. I knew absolutely nothing about motherhood, except that I would love to have a beautiful daughter like Lucy someday. I now have a 7 month old daughter and I still know very little about motherhood. But Molly has taught me a lot. Not about the daily mundane and glorious work of diapering and swaddling, but about the real stuff parenting is made of. The heart work.

There is no baby book, no parenting class, that teaches you how to look into the eyes of what is most precious and revocable and make the most of every moment. As a new mom, I worry about every cry, every new risk, every hair out of place. Lucy was not promised to Molly, and my daughter is not promised to me. But if Molly and Vic had spent Lucy's life in fear, they would have drained the richness and joy from it. They would have held her back from her true potential. They would have snuffed out her incredible light. One of my favorite quotes is from a Mary Oliver poem: “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when it is time to let it go, to let it go.” When I am tempted to grasp my daughter too tight, to hold her back, I remember Lucy. And I open my hands.

My days are simple and ordinary. They can be frustrating and exhausting and lonely. My daughter is amazing and wonderful, but she's also colicky and very demanding. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I eat too much chocolate and I snap at my husband too easily and sometimes I want to check into the Hilton by myself and do nothing but watch Hoarders for a week. But often when I'm still in sweatpants with pureed peas all over me comforting a crying baby for the 13th time so sleep- deprived I start fantasizing about injecting espresso directly into my veins, the Jacksons pop into my head. I think about how I want to live with Lucy's spiritedness, with Peter's exuberance, with Molly and Vic's strength and perspective, with the gratitude that my life, with its undeserved wonders, demands. Time slows down. Plans are dropped in favor of tickle fights. Life comes back into focus.

I wish I had a bigger, more extraordinary and interesting explanation for why I am here and how this blog has changed me. But when I think of Lucy and that certain kind of love that immediately follows the release of fear comes into my heart and my home--it feels very big indeed.

***************

*Would you like to be featured in my Meet My Readers Monday posts? I want you to! I want to meet you. Send me an email letting me know your name, how you found my blog, why you read, and something about yourself. And a photo, of course. I'm looking forward to meeting you...and for all of you to meet each other. And if I already know you in real life--a long time friend, a ward member, an acquaintance, a family member--I want to feature you too.

And don't tell Meg, but one of the blog titles she suggested won the "Rename my Blog" contest.

Also, I did not intend, nor DO I intend, any of my "Meet My Readers" posts to be about me and why you love me and me me me. I want it to be about you. But of course, by way of not being totally random, I DO want to know how you found me and why you read. I am not fishing for compliments and praise, just an explanation of how we are connected. Do I love that Meg made me feel so good? Of course.

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11 Loving Lines

  1. What an amazing post! I love the poem she shared, I love her writing style it is so warm and inviting like a nice hug. Thanks.

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  3. I loved megan's post so sweet and true. This is an awesome idea!
    Sending Love!!

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  4. What a great idea, Molly. It will be fun to meet the other readers.

    =)

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  5. Loved this post, and love the idea!!

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  6. Miss Molly...
    this is a great idea. I enjoyed meeting Megan finding out a little about her and reading what she had to say. What precious words of comfort.
    ToOdLeS.

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  7. Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to meeting your other readers!

    And yaaayyy I'm the wiener!!! (There's a sentence I never thought I'd type.)

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  8. Great to "meet" you Megan! Molly this is so fun!

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  9. I loved this story. I love this idea. That is one cute baby. Looking forward to more.

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  10. I enjoyed this--it's always fun to see who else is out there and what their story is!

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