2011--Closer to Heaven

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 7:00 AM

Ok, Ok. Remember my theme last year?
2010--Let the Fun Begin?

And then I had the Fun Challenge?
And then I never picked a wiener? I told you to tell me who won and why...and only one person really responded. And then I didn't respond to HER.

Well, now I am.
We have a 2010 Wiener! (I'm sorry, I just can't say winner, it's always wiener).

Congrats, Kerri Hess! When do you want to do dinner and a movie? Email me and we'll set up a hot date. Can't wait to meet you. Maybe Kerri doesn't read my blog anymore. Please bless this isn't the case.

Also, I think I want to tell you my theme for 2011 and report back on my progress last year.
You might be thinking, there are only so many words that rhyme with ELEVEN so of course she'd pick HEAVEN. But truthfully, it is very fitting and well-timed. I find myself being pulled back to my center. I find myself longing to be softer, kinder, more connected to my God in heaven. I have drifted. A hard shell has formed around me and I need a warm bucket of water thrown at me so it will melt away.

A very dear friend gave me something just before Christmas that signaled loudly to me that this is what I wanted for my new year. The gift was a small notepad. On the notepad was written her experience the week we lost Lucy. She wrote it as things were happening. It was not a reflection back on the events, it was a real-time record. It floored me and called me to my knees. A soft, mold-able spirit erupted and my body and soul remembered what it felt like to be soft. Tender. Open to the spirit and energy of miracles and love that surround us. The important stuff in life.

My friend's name is Susan Hale. She is Mrs. Incredible. She was there at the church when Lucy choked. She and her husband are two of the three people I called out for while I laid in shock. She is the one who drove me to the hospital. She is the one who helps me make the St. Lucia bread every year. She is the one who has hosted Lucy's birthday parties in her home. She is the one who watched Lucy for me once a week while I taught voice lessons. She is the one who brought me food and gifts after Lucy was born--she knew I was struggling. Her son was one of Lucy's best buddies, he was an honorary pall bearer at her funeral. She still asks how I am doing. She is the one who feeds us at least twice a month while we sit around her cozy home with her five children. She is one of my angels.

Hearing her account of that week...it was humbling and so sacred. I went into "Lucy's room" and sank to the floor in a wet heap. But it was beautiful. It reminded me of the miracles we saw that week and the undeniable spirit. It softened me. I just kept saying that word, "Soft, soft, soft."

As far as the details of this year's theme, I am letting them come as they will. I've started focusing less on cleaning my house and putting on makeup, and more on moving my body, playing with Peter, and being in the moment. I've started reading inspiring literature again. I am slowly learning the guitar. I'm doing things that engage my creative spirit. And I really, really want to be kinder. Just plain old kindness. (I'm mostly talking about how I interact with Vic).

There it is:
2011--Closer to Heaven

And as far as the fun I had in 2010? I think it was a success. I mean, come on, I performed in an 80's musical.

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7 Loving Lines

  1. Molly, I'm on board! I have a new calling this year which will stretch me and the only way I can rise to the challenge is to sink to my knees. This year, I will get through with the Lords help and maybe even help the Lord at the same time, if I listen and obey.

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  2. I love Susan, what a great friend she is. I'm so glad she's still there to support you guys so much. I love your 2011 theme, it's perfect. Love you!

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  3. Love this! I want to smooth my rough edges this year...every day is new!

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  4. What an amazing gift and thoughtful friend... someone already living closer to heaven.
    When you were in 'the moment' your immediate goal was caring for Lucy you did not have time to record the events... I am so glad that you had someone that was doing for you what you could not do for yourself. Service in the truest form.

    ToOdLeS.

    ps. Congrats Kerri!!!

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  5. Did you read the analogy I put on the Angel Blog about the first part of loosing your child being like the mountain that crushes you, but eventually it gets worn down to a small, smooth stone you can carry with you? I think the few years or so are when big chunks have to be blown off to help make the weight more bareable, but it leaves behind rough edges that can still cut and hurt. After some of the big stuff is off, that seems to be when the "smoothing" happens, and the "softer" stone emerges. Great theme!

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  6. I love your blog Molly. Thanks for being so candid and real. I wish I could meet you!!! I'm going to theme my 2011 too. Thank heavens for wonderful friends and angels in our lives...

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  7. Molly,
    I don't know you, but I am inspired by you each time I read your blog. You are a strong woman and an example to many. Your words have helped put things into perspective for me. I really appreciate your honesty in your feelings and your reminder of what really is important in this life.
    Sincerely,
    One of your blog stalkers
    Brynn

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