How Fast Food and A Cheesy Musical Saved My Life

Friday, August 6, 2010

Did I tell you how bad the month of May was for me? It was bad. Really bad. I'm talking...lay- on the- floor- all -day -and -barely -able -to -mumble -a -prayer kind of bad. We were in the middle of moving into our new house (which was basically a construction zone), I had rehearsals every single night, and the 2 year anniversary of Lucy's death was consuming me. How I managed to ever shower, take care of Peter, and learn all my songs and dances is beyond me. Let alone, remodel the kitchen, paint, etc. Let's hope a month like that will never, ever be repeated again in my life time. Honestly, I felt at times that I was going to die.

But there were a few things that saved me. 1) Fast food. The thing is, I had no appetite. NONE. It was like my body reverted back to that week in the hospital with Lucy. My one-year-old son was eating more than I. It was scary. Yet, somehow, being the health nut that I am (mostly), the only thing I could manage to choke down that didn't taste like sandpaper was fast food. Not much, granted, but enough to sustain me. I was dizzy, shaky, and light-headed the entire month.

2) "The Wedding Singer". I was nervous to do the show, I'm not gonna lie. Most of the cast was in their EARLY twenties (some still teenagers!), in school, no kids, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to relate to them. I wanted to stand up on a table at my first rehearsal and say, "Listen! I'm 32. I've had two kids. And one of them died. Her name is Lucy and I love her and miss her so much. I love theatre, I'm happy to be here, but you should know that I am a bereaved mother." Why I felt so strongly that they needed to know that, I'm not sure. I just couldn't imagine spending the next four months with these people, sharing blood, sweat, and tears and them not knowing the deepest part of me. The part of me that is missing.

During my month-long stupor, people slowly started adding me on facebook. And we had moments during rehearsal to sit and really talk to one another. News of Lucy slowly started getting out. And you know what? These people--these young, crazy actors and actresses were wonderful. My sweet little dance partner who I absolutely adore, Alan Babcock, brought me flowers on May 22nd. The stage manager allowed me to miss a dress rehearsal in order to honor Lucy's life on her birthday. These people loved me... and they helped me to find joy again.

Do you know how cheesy "The Wedding Singer" is? Slice it, fry, it shred it, cube is cheesy. But it forced me to do something. It forced me to be at the theatre at a certain time. Away from Peter. Away from mommy-hood. Away from grief. And I had to focus. And I had to SMILE. And dance. And it worked. It put music and soul and dancing and FUN back into my life. And I got to meet wonderful blog readers who came to support me (please leave a comment here reminding me of your cute face...please?), and long-time friends from Showtime and High school came to party with me. It was an absolute hoot. There were times I really struggled, yes. It was a big commitment. And man, the dancing really kicked my booty. But overall, it was such a blast.

And I will forever remember the best compliment I ever received from one of the crazy cast members:

"Molly, I want to be like you when I grow up. You are the perfect blend of mature and retarded".

Thank you, John Wolfe. Thank you. I hope I can always be mature and retarded. It means I am enjoying life. (People...I have a crazy side to me).

And thank you McDonald's and Arby's. But most of all, thank you to the incredibly talented cast of the Wedding Singer for such a healing experience. It thrilled me to know I could still be retarded with you young ones. I still got it!

And we musn't forget the man who made it all possible---THE VIC MEISTER. Thank you, honey!

Many women commented, "I used to have a dress just like that!" I'm sure you did, sweetie.

Bridesmaid. Pepto. Real puffy sleeves. Love it.

Runner extrodinaire and Simba look-alike, Ashley Grant. LOVE HER!

The girls from high school. Are they hot or what??! They have ALL had multiple children. I think it is something in the Rexburg water.

My dance partner, Alan.

Little Miss Kelly.

The notorious John Wolfe.

Linda and Robbie's wedding. ROBBAAYY!


  1. Molly- you look awesome! I am glad that this musical helped you to put a smile on your face. I went to a Sat. production of it. I was so excited to meet you- but you weren't there. I even asked a cast member if I'd just missed you, and he said you had traded that performance for the matinee. Darn! Anyway- even though I didn't get to see you, I thoroughly enjoyed the show.
    I am sorry the month was so rough for you. I can only imagine the stress and sadness of moving, grieving for Lucy, taking care of Peter, and doing a show etc. I think anyone would have had an unbelievably hard time, and you did all of that on top of the grieving.... It's hard to believe. Evidence- that you can do hard things!

  2. Jennie!
    AUGH! I was worried that would happen. I had to switch my double on a few shows because of commitments she had. I'm so sorry I missed you! BIG BUMMER.

  3. Molly. I love this blog. But even more, I love you, and am so glad we are friends. Are we on for Tuesday? You better be joining us. Also, I am bugged we didn't say goodbye Saturday, but not really, and here is why: there is no goodbye, you know? I will see you, and you will see me, and we will continue to shake our heads, snap, and step-touch to the beat as we say "oh dontchya know" for the rest of our lives.

    Miss you lots.


  4. Umm...yeah..I don't know if you remember me...but I came to your super fun show. It was really good. I laughed a lot and had a really fun time. It was awesome.

    Keep up the good work!

  5. Molly I wanted to come to your show SOOOOO bad, but by the time I went to buy tickets the date I needed was sold out. I hope you do more in the future, so I can come and see you. You are so talented and I admire you in so many ways.

  6. Molly,
    I absolutely adore you! And though I wish I can one day be the perfect blend of mature and retarded, no one will top you! It was so much fun doing the show with you and getting to know you. It's great to play once in a while.
    Love ya!

  7. I still haven't figured out how you do it all. Seriously, you're a ball of energy and you inspire me to do more.

    I'm so sorry May was such a hard month for you. Lucy has been in my thoughts a lot lately. You're little girl has made quite the impact on my life.

  8. If that is what got you through I am thankful you had fast food and a cheesy musical and great people all around you.


  9. Molly-
    My sweet hubby and I spent the evening of our 25th wedding anniversary watching you perform in The Wedding Singer. You are right, it is a cheesy show but also, so much fun! I was too shy to come up and say hello, but I want you to know how much we LOVED the play. You have a light about you...even my hubby could tell and he never reads your blog. (Although he hears about it from time to time.) ;)
    I'm not sure why this is your test Molly, but from an outsider looking in, you are making it-day by day, or minute by minute, doing well in honoring your sweet Lucy by the way you are continuing to live your life.
    I am so grateful for the Gospel and for good people who happen into my life that help strengthen my testimony. Thank you for doing that.
    Loves, Wendy

  10. I'm a LOONNGGG time lurker. I'm not sure I've ever commented. But, I think of you and Lucy daily. This post made me cry and laugh at the same time. I'm sorry May was so difficult. Lucy is so beautiful.

  11. Molly, I have to say that you really do look cute in the pictuers. And I'm jealous you got the best compliment I've ever heard. I love it. Maybe you should put that on your headstone!! (What I have planned for mine is super long. "She thought she was funny...and she was...kind of." I hope it all fits. I wish we could get together sometime. I'm having your may, right now. Anyway. You look cute!

  12. I went to the play! I loved it and now realizing what you were carrying during that time, I'm so impressed that you made it through that very cheesy play! You are truly an inspiration and I've loved reading you blog and growing with you. I came up to you after the show and said "hi," but was a little embarrassed. You were so nice though, I appreciated that. What I really wanted to say was, "Hi Molly, my mother passed away not long after Lucy and I miss her too. You have inspired me and taught me so much about grief and acceptance and hope. Thank you." Anyways, that's what I wanted to say but was too shy. :)

  13. I have missed reading the blog, been caught up in building a house, but I have been thinking of you! It was good to catch up, sounds like you have been busy too! Your friend in East Texas, Pam.

  14. I still check in on your blog daily :) I admit it I'm kind of addicted! You are an amazing woman and I appreciate how honest and raw you can be with your emotions! Hang in there!

  15. That is the PERFECT compliment! :) I love it, you, love it all!

  16. Miss Molly,

    You are simply amazing! The second you announced on your blog that you were going to be in the wedding singer @ Hale I booked tickets. It was my first impulse. I didn't even think to ask my hubs. I just did it. And I'm SOOOOO glad I did! I got to finally meet you and see you and witness your impeccable talent and see your wisdom and "retardedness"!! I love it! Thank you for being such a rock. I know you feel as if you are not, but you truly, truly are. are simply stunning in person! I mean, your blog pics are gorgeous, but are one good lookin' 32 yr. old mommy of 2! Great to finally meet you!

    Jennie Burt (The Story of Mitchell...aka, Mitchell's Mom) :)

  17. I'm so sorry it was such a hard month for you, but I'm so glad you had something that helped you! Caydin's angel day is coming up at the end of this month, and even though it has been nearly 5 years, this is still a difficult time of year for me, with a lot of ups and downs! Both of my girls' birthdays are in the month of August, so at least, like your play, there is something that still kind of forces me to focus on something happy! I hope you are feeling better!

  18. So glad you were surrounded by a cast of loving, compassionate people during an especially tough month, Molly. Wish I could have been there for your performance!

  19. I'm sorry we missed your show, but glad we got to see you, even briefly. "Mature and retarded"-I like that, maybe that will be my motto for the year...

  20. Molly, I wish I could have made it to your show! It sounds fantastic and looks like so much fun. I really hope these are better days for you. I'm sure they are never perfect, but you deserve happiness. Love you. We'd love to get together some time soon.

  21. Molly, You are a beautiful , strong , loved woman. You can do many things. Your children are so very blessed to have you. They love you.
    I am so very happy that you performed. it is a part of you. I hope you got to know Jenny - she's awesome.
    Lots of love - to all of you.


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