That Week

By Vic - 9:10 PM




Vic here. I have felt the desire to write this blog post for a long time. I guess I have chosen today because it seems appropriate to me, on the day we commemorate Lucy's graduation from life, to share something spiritual. I have attempted to share this, or parts of it, a number of times and in a number of settings and have yet to feel like I communicated what I experienced that week in the hospital. I have thought about how I would write this for more than a year but I still feel at a loss; unsure of how to share this. It is to me, sacred. However, I have also felt almost as if it were a duty to share; that to not share would be selfish. I don't think it is really anything new, or different from what you already know. It wasn't really anything new to me. Yet it was the most profound of experiences and I felt like I understood so much more and had a glimpse of the "grand scheme" of things. I was filled with an overwhelming certainty of the reality of a loving Heavenly Father. It was undeniable. And I felt like He communicated with me so directly and so intensely. I can't put it all into words but there were some specific thoughts and ideas that came to me.

I AM here. I AM in control. Nothing will happen that shouldn't.
I had the sense that Heavenly Father really is in control and is active in our lives. I have thought about this a lot and I don't know how it all fits together because I know that He leaves so much up to us. He allows us to use our agency, our will to decide so much of our lives. I don't think that he made Lucy choke. But I am certain that He wouldn't have allowed her to die if it wasn't "right". I felt this so strongly as Lucy and He worked everything out. I felt like those words didn't just apply to our situation at the time, but to our whole lives and to the whole world. That is a really really deep topic and I won't try to discuss it further, other than this - I think that part of that idea, how it works or what it means, is that because of Jesus Christ the wounds we experience, the holes and loose ends in our lives will be taken care of, filled up and tied off. That when all is said in done we will see that it is complete - That we are whole and complete because of Him.

I AM taking care of Lucy - You take care of Molly!
This came like a command - no harshness at all but I very clearly felt a responsibility; something I will someday have to answer for, and report on. I just had to make sure that I did what I could for my Sweettart. It makes me feel a connection to Him. I think I understand him a little. He loves his daughters something akin to the way I love mine [just a lot more perfect]. I'm not perfect but I try to take care of Molly, to be good to her the way I would want some guy to be good to Lucy.

There is more value in the everyday experiences than you realize. Make sure your actions and interactions reflect that.
I think this came in response to some thoughts and questions I had. Lucy's life was so short, did she get everything she needed? The answer has become apparent through a number of avenues - no question about it. Lucy got more out of her almost 2 years than many people do in long and lengthy lives. I also wondered about the time I spent away from Lucy at work. Family is what matters so why was I wasting all that time? [FYI as far as attorney's go I really don't have a demanding schedule - I'm not working some of the crazy hours that others have to work] While I would love to have more of life with Lucy, it was clear that my time working wasn't wasted. It is important and will have value in the eternal scheme of things. It seemed so clear to me that even eating and breathing have value that I just don't understand now.

So that is what I have wanted to share. My expression of what I experienced that week in the hospital is pitiful at best. It is what kept me going and helped me make it through the week. The certainty of all that, that He is real, that He lives and that He loves me was so strong it was almost distracting.

Someday Lucy will be resurrected. Someday Molly and I will too. You'll be there also. It really is quite amazing. There is a Plan that goes with all this chaos, and trouble, anguish and sorrow. Someday we will be SO HAPPY that we have been a part of that Plan. I promise.

  • Share:

You Might Also Like

24 Loving Lines

  1. Molly really is an incredible woman, and it's so amazing to know she found her equal in a partner.

    What better parents than to be stewards over such a special spirit as Lucy in her short time spent here? There are none.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is beautiful. I feel most deeply the spiritual message here, as I'm sitting here with tear-filled eyes. Thank you for sharing your experience during such a sacred time with Lucy and Molly, and yet I got something out of it that pertains to my own life that has been humbling. I truly feel the Spirit behind these words. Thank you for sharing it. -Melissa ("friend of a friend")

    ReplyDelete
  3. loved this, loved this, loved this. i can't imagine how your feelings must have been so raw and clear, so that only at a time like that could thoughts like these come up, and where you'd be so close to the spirit that inspiration could come. i've always been amazed at how deep the pain must have been (is), but also how many emotions have come about. so many q's about the gospel, about what we're really doing here, everything. you understand the whole plan on a whole different plane than i do.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautiful Vic. You are indeed a strong, faithful, loving man. Molly is blessed to have you in her life. I believe you to be a man's man. Girls all need one! Your faith is best shared, for you put it into words that touch the heart. Thank you for sharing. I believe as you do, we will be SO HAPPY! God Bless!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Truly profound...
    and personal.

    Thank you for your thoughts, Vic.

    I hope to apply the 'value in everyday experiences' more in my life. There was a time I rushed through my days so fast that I didn't have time for sunrises or sunsets or to notice the beauty around me... shame on me.

    ToOdLeS.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Powerful. No doubt you are also being prepared for something Heavenly Father wants you to do as part of His plan. I remember feeling that same powerful, deep spiritual feeling as you were speaking at Lucy's funeral. I felt that I was in the presence of a man with a spiritual depth that I had yet to see. What an honor it is for me to call you friend, and I hope that as your friend, I can help carry that heavy burden you have been called to bear. As always, you and Molly continue to be in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony of the atonement and Jesus Christ. I'm going to hug my children and play with them with a little more meaning today.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for sharing so publicly something so personal. You and Molly are amazing and are such special spirts that Heavenly Father holds very close to Him. Again thank you for helping so many people, like myself to understand more fully the importance of each day. Lucy has touched and continues to touch so many lives. What a great missionary (she was taught by wonderful example).

    ReplyDelete
  9. as always... well said, Vic. so good to see you (read you) on the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Vic. I remember that week when we visited you at the hospital on your birthday, and as you told us the latest developments with Lucy. It was so heartbreaking and sad to hear, but you were amazing. You seemed so strong and calm and at peace. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so proud to have you both as friends and thankful for your example. I know Ryan has looked up to you a lot in our struggles with our daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Vic, your words are so powerful and so meaningful. Thank you so much for sharing that very personal inspiration/revelation. It has been so meaningful for me in my life.

    Your promise at the end struck like an arrow to the heart.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I feel honored to read this. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your insight is powerful. I don't know what more to say than thanks for sharing. Love you much and love Molly for taking care of you too. Mom

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for sharing. This is beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you, Vic. Thank you for sharing your sacred thoughts with us.

    ReplyDelete
  16. How do you do this? I am amazed by you. Lucy is so lucky that you are her dad.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good for you for writing this down. I'm sure it was incredibly difficult. It's obvious you're a good man and I'm glad Molly has you. Thank you for sharing that!

    ReplyDelete
  18. sending prayers your way.

    Michelle
    Gavin's Mom

    ReplyDelete
  19. Beautifully written. Your words conveyed peace, serenity and calmness. Thank you. I think of you both often. My continued thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Angela

    ReplyDelete
  20. Words seem inadequate to thank you for sharing such deeply personal, sacred thoughts and experiences with all of us, but thank you! All who read this will benefit from it and be uplifted...I sure was.

    ReplyDelete