I woke up this morning and thought, "I'm healing." I'm healing! I'm finding joy in life again. I'm finding my old self. I wake up feeling like my life is worth living. These are big words! These are God's miracles.
Then, amidst the cleaning and cuddling, I checked my email to find this video from Vic's cousin, Shara. I started sobbing. Seriously?? Why am I crying?? But again, it came back to me, "You are healing." This wedding party illustrates perfectly how I want to live my life...celebrating wonderful things! Enjoying friendships. Not taking yourself too seriously. It hit me hard. God does want us to be happy. I won't be dancing at Lucy's wedding in this life, but I will be dancing my way through many wonderful events. Like long weekends with my boys, simple dinners at home, running through mountain trails, singing in church, picnics in the park, visiting with friends, performing on stage, making someone laugh, and watching Peter grow and learn.
The pain can come back in a heartbeat. Trials will knock on our door over and over. But two scriptures from The Book of Mormon came to mind:
2 Nephi 1:21
"And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity;"
2 Nephi 2:25
"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."
Rock on, wedding dancers.