Uno, Dos, Tres!

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 8:18 AM

My Lucy,

You loved counting to three in Spanish. Dos was your favorite number to say. Today you would be Tres. I wish you were here with us.

Mommy has been very depressed lately...and not sleeping. She misses you terribly. She loves you completely.

I know your beautiful blond curls would be all the way down your back by now. You would be talking up a storm and cracking us up everyday. And singing...oh, what I would give to hear you singing. I don't know how it works, but I have hope that we'll experience all these things with you someday.

Help me, Lucy. Help me be a good mommy to Peter. Help me endure this life well. Help me "Let go and Let God." A part of me died with you and I need help being re-born. My birthday gift to you today is a commitment to keep going despite the crippling emotions that I feel.

The English language is woefully inadequate--there are no words to express my love for you. And thus, no words for my pain and loss. I want to feel whole, I want to feel happy. I want to feel my Lucy.

Happy Heavenly Birthday my dear Lucia--

Mommy Molly

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43 Loving Lines

  1. Wow--Molly, that was such a beautiful post. I'm sitting here at working shedding tears for you. I have a little girl of my own and can't imagine what you are going through. I don't know you or your family personally, but please know that you are in my prayers. Hugs, Sharon

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  2. Oh Dear Molly and Vic,

    Today I think would be the hardest day, birthdays mean so much and our bodies remember so well. Izzie turns four in two days and I have been thinking of you a lot. I think it is so brave and splendid that you are celebrating her today and I hope to see you there, hug you and meet sweet Peter. I am sure she will be looking down on you, singing you a song (even if you can't hear) it and playing with her curls. Never doubt that you are an incredible mom, you know exactly who she is and you knew her while she was here as well. Maybe today is the day to add Peter to your blog top? So you will have four!

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  3. I have thought much about your last post and how much it has touched me, though I've never met you. I wish I knew what to say to ease even a little of the pain. I don't, but I do know that Lucy is with you, and that someday you will get to hear her sing again. I know that. Blessings to you. Though we have not met, you are in our hearts.

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  4. Happy Heavenly Birthday Lucy-goosey. I love you.

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  5. Happy Birthday, sweet Lucy. Molly you are amazing, strong, faithful, beautiful, and courageous. Your birthday post is beautiful, I have been thinking about birthdays alot this week--the opportunity to celebrate our lives and progress--you are celebrating Lucy's life everytime you share a memory or thought about her. AND no doubt she is progressing as she learns and experiences on the other side.

    Love you, Vic & Molly!

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  6. Sending many little thought hugs your way, Molly. I hope Lucy is able to make herself especially present with you on her birthday. Somehow it seems like that will be possible. (You know better than anyone that our loved ones are not so very far from us.)

    Happy birthday, angel Lucy.

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  7. Here's also wishing Lucy a Happy Birthday in heaven & hoping that YOU can have the gifts you desire -endurance, peace, love, and SLEEP.
    Love you!

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  8. Happy Birthday, Lucy.

    Have some cake, Molly.

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  9. Happy Birthday, Lucy.

    Have some cake, Molly.

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  10. Happy Birthday to you little Lucy. Lucy must want her mommy happy and smiling, after all, Molly, that is how she knows you best. She has shared that with Peter and he is looking for that too! You are strong beyond any words, Molly. I am proud to know you in spirit.

    with love... Diana

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  11. Happy Birthday, Lucy.
    How happy your parents must be that you were born into their lives.
    How painful to be parted for now. How joyful that through Christ we can all be reborn and celebrate birthdays eternally together. May the anticipation of celebrating together again someday slowly inch out the pain of your current separation.

    We love you four.

    Dorothea

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  12. Hi Molly: That was so painful to feel your broken heart, but it was also so beautifully expressed that I was deeply touched. I want to give you my testimony that you and Lucy WILL be together again, and in that day it will feel like NO time has passed at all. She is yours and you are hers. Happy Birthday Lucy!!!

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  13. So sweet.

    And I loved everyone's comments, especially Shara's. I totally agree.

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  14. Oh Molly... I have been thinking of you, and reading your post fills my heart with ache and hope. Know that I'm thinking of you and love you. What an incredible person you are. And sharing this special day with everyone strengthens others who are and are not going through similar experiences. It certainly strengthens me. You are eloquent, and though there are no words to express your feelings, we all know what you mean.
    Love. Happy Birthday sweet Lucy.
    Annie xo

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  15. Okay I am crying now. :( I miss sweet little Lucy. Thanks so much for inviting us to her birhtday party tonight, we wouldn't miss it. No matter what, please know what an amazing mom you are. Lucy and Peter both are amazingly blessed to be your children. I love you.

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  16. Happy Birthday to Lucy! Hugs to you, Molly. I am praying for you.
    Love, A sister in Zion

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  17. absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
    your words and your sweet daughter.
    Happy Birthday to her~and happy birthing day to YOU Molly, an incredible mother!!!

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  18. Happy Birthday Lucy! Molly, you are loved by so many. May the arms of heaven wrap around you extra tight today.

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  19. I hope you will be able to feel your beautiful Lucy near you today. I don't know how it works either, but it seems to me that you will be able to know that answers to all of your questions someday. It also seems you will be able to make up for all that you are missing, a thousand fold. I hope that is the case. I know you are a good Mommy to Peter. He was chosen to come to you at this heart wrenching time. He is valiant, and loves you, as Lucy does. I hope you will be able to sleep better, and feel of my prayers for you.

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  20. Happy Birthday Lucy! Thinking of you today.
    Jen (Angel Kamber's Mommy)

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  21. Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Girl. Molly - the english language is inadequate, but you are phenomenal. You always have been and always will be in my prayers. Rest sweet mommy, she's always with you!

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  22. Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Girl. Molly - the english language is inadequate, but you are phenomenal. You always have been and always will be in my prayers. Rest sweet mommy, she's always with you!

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  23. The weight of your pain and loss is incredible. I pray that your burden continues to be more bearable every day until you are not suffering so much.

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  24. Happy Birthday to Miss Lucy. Me and my girls sang Happy Birthday to Lucy a few times this morning as we were getting ready for the day. They clapped each time we sang. I have been thinking about you all day. I hope and pray for you to have peace. I love you Mommy Molly!

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  25. Sending love and birthday wishes today.

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  26. Molly,
    I have followed your blog for quite some time now, but never commented. I am a cousin of a close friend of yours, and my mother passed away about two months ago. She was only 52 and it was totally unexpected.
    I know I only feel a tiny portion of the sadness, longing and pain that you must feel as a mother who lost her child, but today I am comforted (as the tears flow again) by knowing that my wonderful mother and the world's best grandmother is up there enjoying the spirit of your beautiful child and laughing with her. Oh, how I miss the laughter. Stay strong. You are an amazing woman and mother.

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  27. Happy Birthday Lucy.
    Molly. You are one of the strongest and most valiant women that I know. You can do this. God knows it and so do I.
    And I will pray that you can sleep. Life is much more bearable when you get some rest.
    Love you.

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  28. My heart goes out to you my dear. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Always.

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  29. Happy Birthday Lucy! Thinking of you Molly and Vic. It's just sooooo hard! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I saw a little girl at Disneyland that reminded me of Lucy last week. It tore at my heart for you. Oh, the deep deep loss you have to deal with. I hope you have felt some sort of comfort this day...I know it's beyond possible sometimes but hopefully today you have felt your Lucy near.
    Love,
    Andrea
    Wyatt's mommy

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  30. Happy Birthday Lucy. I hope you got lots of cake on your face...they eat cake in heaven, right? Such a cute photo.

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  31. First of all...let me say Happy Birthday to Lucy.

    Let me also say that this pulled at my heart strings. Recently my daughter has been wanting to count in spanish, and when I saw the title...gah! I know there is a "plan", but why? Why do you not get to have your Lucy to count in spanish with too!? I will pray for you. If ever you need anything...let me know. You have this amazing spirit, and you have to be a strong person to go through all of this. Thank you once again for sharing.

    Loves,
    Evonne

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  32. Molly-

    So well said. I love you and Lucy and hope you have some better days ahead. Some days are just too much...it's impossible. You have to endure Lucy's death while being a new mom to Peter...impossible. But somehow you'll do it...in fact you're the only one who can do it.

    Hugs.

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  33. Molly & Vic... I hope you know how honored I was to celebrate Lucy's birthday with you and your family/friends. Such a sweet spirit was there...and I know that was Lucy. Molly you are even more beautiful in person, and I feel like I have so much more to learn from you. Hang in there! and Happy Happy Birthday to your sweet Lucy girl!!! xoxo

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  34. Sending love...Anniversaries are so...well, like you said, there are just not adequate words to describe some things. My heart smiled to hear you held a birthday party for Lucy! Lives should always be celebrated!! I will pray for some much needed sleep and peace to find you, my friend. One day at a time, okay?

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  35. Dear Molly~I am a friend of a friend and have kept up with your blog and your trials since your sweet little Lucy went home to heaven. You have been a strength in my life and have helped me become closer to heavenly father. I cherish my babies more and try to soak up all they have to offer. This life is so short and soon we will all be together talking about how fast our earthly life went by. I can't imagine the grief you go through each day, but know that the lord(and lucy) are so very close to you. Peter is a very special little boy who chose to come to this life to help u and your family heal. He is a very strong spirit that will hold u up when u can't, when u are having a bad day~he will bring you laughter and joy. I hope you don't mind me writing u a note, but I have wanted to for some time. BTW~I grew up with Nicole Riding. Take care Molly and know that we are all with you as part of your earthly family! God bless u! Ashley

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  36. As I sit here taking it easy because I fear miscarrying yet again this year, i read your post and realize I am so grateful for my 3 children {sitting downstairs being couch potatoes today ;)}
    And how hard it would be lose one of them. the little hugs that they give me. I am so sorry for you loss and you are in my thoughts today!

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  37. Happy Birthday Lucy! Thinking of you. I hope the day it self was not terrible. I know the ones leading up were the hardest for me. And don't worry, you are the best mom!!

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  38. Happy 3rd Birthday Lucy. I hope you and Angel Mia have had a great celebration of your birthdays in heaven this month. Love, Nicole - Mia's Mom ^i^.
    PS - Molly & Vic - thinking of you today. Nicole

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  39. Molly, such a sweet and tender post. my heart breaks for you.
    We are in Park City now, can you tell me what time church starts? I look forward to seeing everyone.I look forward to seeing you!

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  40. This must be such a trying, difficult time. Your emotions must be so mixed with the new baby, and still mourning sweet Lucy, especially on her birthday.
    Sending extra prayers your way...

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  41. Molly, I again sat and cried as I read your blog. You and Vic really are my heros. You have so much strength, and I love you so much. Happy Birthday Lucy!!!

    Michelle

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  42. You are amazing and such an inspiration. My brother-in-law died June 9th at the age of 32 leaving a wife a 2 year old and an unborn baby and our whole family is in the midst of our grief, I am going to share your blog with our family, especially my mother-in-law who needs to know she isn't along mourning the loss of a child.

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  43. Molly,
    It's Missy from Boys and Girls Club,a few years ago. I heard through Jennifer about your loss and am so sorry. What strength and faith you have. I hope you don't mind my peeking at your life. Congrats on your new little guys, he is beautiful.

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