Thursday, June 25, 2009
If you're on the hunt for the world's cutest baby; look no further:

If you've been wondering what I've been up to:

Training for a half marathon and loving it. I know--you either love to run or you hate it. All I can say is that it is saving me. The parallels between pushing myself physically to accomplish a painful goal and muddling my way through life are so powerful for me. I did my six mile run on Monday and had chills when we finished. I nearly cried, I was so proud. Running is helping me sleep better, be more productive, lose weight, feel better about myself, have more energy, be a better wife and mother, deal with stress and depression---LIFE SAVER. Now if I can just get back into singing and dancing. I'm getting there. You bet I'll be inviting all of you to see me in my next show.

If you're wondering who designed my blog:

A beautiful gal who reads my blog did it as a gift! (I am barely computer literate, are you kidding me?) I have the best readers in the world. Go HERE to see more of what she does. Thanks, Jayna!

If you're wondering HOW I'm doing:

Better. Much better. I still struggle with my sleep but it is getting better. Sunshine and Peter (one and the same) are helping to boost my spirits. Next up on the list of things to try: acupuncture and energy healing. We have clumsily made it over all the first hurdles without Lucy. I still have horrific flashbacks of it all. I still lye awake, unsuccessfully trying to nap, and think to myself, "I LOST A DAUGHTER." I dreamed the other night that I was angry. VERY angry. Enraged. I was yelling and screaming about Lucy dying. At one point I was sitting on the grass with a group of other young moms and cried at the top of my lungs, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SEE YOUR CHILD DIE IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!" So much angst. I could taste it in my bedroom when I awoke. It is obviously not far from the surface and still needs to be worked through. But we are progressing and I'm thrilled to have each day that I do with Vic and Peter.

If you're wondering how Peter is doing:

AMAZING. He is the sweetest, most adorable, most patient, loving little boy. I can't stop kissing him and marveling at him. He is growing like a weed, of course. My little guy is in the 93rd percentile for height and 80th for weight. 16 pounds already and counting! (For those of you who can't tell from our photos--Vic and I are not big people. I'm just shy of 5' 2"). I never knew a baby could be this "easy". His temperament is outstanding. While Lucy was never a colicky baby, she was definitely demanding and high maintenance. Peter is a snuggler and a healer. It amazes me when he coos to me as I sing to him. And even more amazing is the way he so earnestly is trying to tell us something. I've never seen a baby more verbal at such a young age. "He's an angel. An angel straight from heaven." (Raising Arizona, anyone?) But let me throw this out there too--this kid has THE most room clearing gas that only a 12- year old Boy Scout could dream of. He has taken to filling his diaper only once a week. Don't be fooled by the recurring stench. It's Toot City and not Pooperville.

If you have friends and family who have suffered any kind of loss (divorce, miscarriage, death, illness, depression, unemployment--anything!) :

I am in the process of starting a website called Good Grief. Though I will be the main author and host, there will be forums and guest writers-- ranging from professional therapists, Broadway actresses, stay-at-home moms, Grandparents, to successful men in the work force. Watch for it in the coming weeks. My hope is that it will be a healing resource and community... that Lucy's light and story, and the lessons from losing her, will continue to thrive and help all of us on our journey. I want to grieve healthily. I want my grief to be good. To point me towards wholeness.

Here's a sneak peek at the design:

Hand illustrated by Alma Loveland.


  1. haha, Raising Arizona is right! I love him so much! (Remember that from the movie too? Right, when they get little Nathan Jr. to the car). Glad to hear you're doing so well. I'm real proud of your for running too. And yes, he is the cutest.

  2. I am OVER THE MOON you decided to do the blog! I am also happy to hear you are getting a few winks in now and then, my sister saw you running the other day with your jog stroller, and I was relieved to hear you had the energy to get out at last. What half marathon are you doing? YOU ARE AMAZING.
    Toots or not- that little Peter is to Stinkin Cute!

  3. Your idea to create Good Grief is wonderful and so needed! Well done.

    And though I haven't had acupuncture yet, my doula at my birth a few weeks ago is an acupuncturist and had the calmest demeanor. She is such a listener and has a beautiful way about her. I think that the training acupuncturists go through is so intriguing and has a lot to offer us. So I look forward to reading what you have to say about it if you give it a try! I really hope it is helpful to you. :)

  4. Hi Molly, I have been reading your blog over the last year. I have ached physically for you and Vic, but haven't known what to say. You are an inspiration to me. You make me want to be a nicer mom, a better wife, and a more valiant example of Christ. I am glad that you are finding some joy in life again. You have been and will continue to be in my prayers.

    Jen (wood) Claunch [a fellow Madison Bobcat/Rexburger!]

  5. IF...
    you EVER wonder if you are amazing or that you are loved, KNOW THAT YOU ARE!
    Cute pics of Peter, great updates (apparently Peter spared us because I didn't smell a thing when we hung out the other night), GREAT JOB on your training (oh, how I miss my long runs when I'm pregnant!), and I think it's FANTASTIC that you're starting "good grief" (and what a clever, appropriate name).
    Don't know if I'll be able to see you when Britany is in town, but I hope so!
    Love ya!

  6. This was the mother of all update posts, and I enjoyed every paragraph. Now I understand why you weren't so down with the whole "lie around and be fed grapes and fanned with palm fronds"...marathons! fantastic.

    Thanks for the shout-out too! And how adorable is that illustration? I'm in love with it's whimsy.

  7. Peter is wonderful, and so is your idea for this new blog. I can't wait to be a part of that community!


  8. I love Raising Arizona!!! It's been awhile since I have watched though... but I remember laughing til it hurt. WE (my hubby and I) love Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter.

    That little Peter is adorable.

    I always thought you looked shorter than 5' 2"... don't know why I thought that. I have a daughter barely 5 foot even... and your petiteness reminds me of her.


  9. Thanks for the all encompassing update. I'm so glad to hear that you are finding so much joy in baby Peter and your runs sound so cathartic. Wish I'd been able to have lunch with you and the ladies on Monday.

  10. Molly I love reading your blog! you are a wonderful wise women. Heavenly Father has so much trust in you! I can't wait to meet baby Peter. He is so adorable!!

  11. I have been wondering ALL those things! Thanks so much for the updates in all your corners of life. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better than you were a few weeks ago.

  12. Thanks for the updates, Molly! I've been thinking about you & wondering how you are doing--sounds like you're making some huge steps forward with Peter, the Sunshine, your jogging stroller, a new blog, and Vic by your side! Love it.

    I'm excited to check out the new blog, will be referring it to friends also!

    Peter gets more darling every time I see him...such a Lucy look-alike, and such a SMILER! I can feel the *new* energy through your words. Thanks for sharing, you're an inspiration!

  13. Molly,
    I can imagine the nightmares you've had that disturb your sleep.Not feeling rested seems to amplify all emotion. I am so glad that you are doing better. You heal beautifully.Thanks for the new blog. I'll look forward to it,and as long as Peter is happy, let the gases flow! I would love to see you soon!

  14. So good to hear all about your plans, the marathon and the new blog. You will be so instrumental to others with your words and wisdoms. Thank you Molly.

  15. So good to hear all about your plans, the marathon and the new blog. You will be so instrumental to others with your words and wisdoms. Thank you Molly.

  16. Molly, I have been pretty much out of the loop on the blog thing lately, but just checked in to see how you are doing! You are great! You go girl! I can't even fathom a half marathon! Congrats on your beautiful new addition too! Peter IS the cutest baby ever! I look forward to your blog! And, just FYI...I am flying to Utah on Monday night for the last time! Yeah! I finally made it home!

  17. I love your idea of creating a web site. I wish that I had been inspired to do something like this when my daughter died. Thank you for being able to share your story with us.

  18. Molly--

    This is all great. I love the idea of a grief blog. I think it will be huge. And I don't necessarily mean 'huge' as in traffic numbers or popularity. At some point everyone goes through some type of grief. And I'm glad you've found some comfort in running. What a great thing to have.

  19. Thank you for the upcoming blog and thank you for encorporating many different kinds of grief. I've felt so isolated in my grief never speaking of it to anyone. Thank you.

  20. I love this post - it answered so many questions I have had. I can't wait to see this new project you are taking on. And that Peter - truly adorable! Can't wait to meet him! Are you free for our lunch on the 17th???

  21. Just wanted to let you know that I can feel the spirit almost tangibly in the room with me when I read your blog. It's been an amazing, heart-wrenching experience to read about your life. Thank you for sharing it with those of us who don't know you.

  22. Molly, you don't know me, but I have been following your blog for quite some time. I am good friends with Emily Dunn. I am always amazed at the way you and your husband can express your grief and thoughts through words. You both write so beautifully. You inspire me and many to want to be better. I am always encouraged to kiss and hug and snuggle my children more when I read your blog. I am glad to hear that you are doing better and are enjoying running. Your Peter is so beautiful. Much love to you.
    Jenn Harris

  23. Hi Molly--you don't know me either. I think you're amazing and have taught me much. Thank you for sharing your story and for inspiring me to be a better me. I think your forum idea is wonderful. And all the best with your half marathon training.

  24. Miss Molly - you go girl! You sound in better spirits and I am glad that you are turning you sadness into a positive. Well done and good luck! I'm proud of you!
    With much love from South Africa

  25. I just have to say isn't Alma lovely! Her work is uh-mazing, rihgt?!! So, is your new layout.

    I went last night to a sneak peak of the Timpanogas Story Telling Festival, and was brought to tears when Wendy (her real name) told a story of Peter Pan. You are the first person that I thought of. You gave me a new perspective on Peter Pan that I won't ever forget. I wished that I could be sitting next to you enjoying it together, and she told the story...and sang along to a guitar. You must hear it...I'm going to try to make that happen!

    Loves you long time!

  26. Thanks Molly for the update...I had been thinking about how we have some control about the thoughts we let ourselves think in the day, but you are so right about how our nightmares can not really be controlled....the grief will play out wherever it can...and WILL.

    I like the new blog idea and the first thing I thought of was Charlie Brown and THAT LUCY. I think I used to have a book called
    'Good Grief, Charlie Brown!'

    I love the idea that Peter is a coo-er, a snuggler, and a healer, and that he is being an 'easy happy baby'! YAY! I really wish infants COULD tell us THE STUFF!


  27. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, but have never commented before!! I'm glad to see that you seem to be in better spirits. I'm always impressed with your honesty and have learned a lot by reading your story. Thank you for your example...

    I had to comment on the cute illustration for your new blog!! Alma is my cousins wife - they are such a talented couple. It was fun to see some of her work on your blog!

  28. Hey Molly, I still check in on ya and I loved this post. I am humbled by your dream.
    Peter is adorable. It is such good news to hear that he is so good. I wanna meet him in person! The Raising Arizona comment made me like you even more.
    I think your blog idea is superb. And I am looking forward to checking it out.
    So are your back handsprings still going strong? I am still working on those blasted aerials! Good luck on the half marathon.

  29. Your new website sounds fantastic. I will definately check it out and add it to my favorites. Love all the pictures. I am so inpsired by you with the half marathon. Thinking maybe some excercise will help me with the emotions I have been having lately. Love you.

  30. Hi there cute Jackson Family,
    Yes, he is so cute!
    The update is splendid.
    Let me know if you need Babbie (accupunture/natropath) number again?!
    I can't do six miles, but if you are up for a trail hike let me know! I tend to stay on the dirt.
    I also love the new blog design-
    and the idea of the new new blog-I will send a contribution.

    I am wondering how Vic is too?
    Summer is finally here-stop by and see my garden!
    Love, Meg

  31. Dear Molly! Love you! Ever since my brother died, we planted his tree, and I have watched people I love battle through grief and healing I have wanted to compile a book called, "The Healing Heart" or something like that. It's basically what your new blog will be doing! I look forward to reading it! You are inspiring.

  32. Molly, thanks for the updates. I have been wondering about you. Good luck as you continue to work through it all. And, Peter is amazing!!

  33. I am so glad you are doing the Good Grief blog...I will be sending a lot of people your way...unfortunately our family has just experienced a huge loss and I have dear friends who have lost spouses at very young ages. I think it is a wonderfully healing idea. Thank you!

  34. I just spent more than an hour reading about your beautiful daughter Lucy. I blog hopped from Cassie Weber's blog - I'm in her ward in CO. Thank-you for the reminder that each day is a gift with my children. May Heavenly Father continue to pour His Spirit on your family.


  35. Reading this post makes me smile. It makes me thrilled to my finger tips that you are seeking out and finding some peace. Love you.

  36. Though a stranger, I am another Mommy who has been touched by your words. Thank you for sharing them. I was more patient and caring with my kids tonight because of you.

    I wanted to tell you how impressed I am with the relationship you and your husband seem to have. I have always worried that if something this huge and sad happened to us that grief could hurt our marriage. You seem to have become stronger and closer. Good for you. I lost my dad in a terrible accident 25 years ago (when I was 11 years old). It still feels like I saw him just last week, but somehow you get better. Really. Take care.

  37. Molly- WAY TO GO on the six miler. I share your joy in accomplishing that. I recently have done the same thing and was so proud.

    You are right, your little guy is completely adorable. You must be so proud. I can't wait to see the new blog, I know it will be amazing. The design is beautiful.

    Can't wait to watch you sing and dance once more...

    Leslie Hurst

  38. Hi sure IS a cutie pie!

    The emotions in your recent posts have seemed to jump off the screen and grab my heart. I stopped and said a prayer for you and pray that you are buoyed up by all the prayers said in your behalf.

    You have such an amazing family!

  39. You're amazing Vic and Molly. Peter looks like he's getting chunky! Good Job! I miss you guys, I'm home alone this week.


  40. Yes he is pretty adorable. BUT he does have some tough competition. His name is Dax and he is SUPER cute

  41. First of all, Peter is darling. Period.

    Congratulations on getting through the last few months with all the anniversaries. You guys are troopers.

    So, I work for some homeopathic doctors, and acupuncture is awesome! I highly recommend it! I also recommend looking into Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT. It is a way to allow your body to let go of excess emotional baggage through acupressure points and certain affirmations in order to heal. It is pretty cool, I have done it. The body does not lie, and if you are with someone who knows how to read it right, your body will tell you exactly what the heart of an issue is. I have been helped a lot with my own baggage by doing it with one of the doctors I work for. Check it out, seriously.

    Take care of you. Awesome that you are doing a half marathon.


  42. SO glad you are getting a little bit of sleep! Your new website is such a good idea, & I LOVE the name:) I am so happy that Peter is a snuggler- there is nothing better! Hey, email me your address and I will stick that cd in the mail for you:)

  43. Hi Molly: I've been ill and have just caught up with what I've missed. The photos just melt my heart. I'm so happy that you are doing better. I'm so happy you are getting in touch with your anger, even if only in a dream. And I hate running, but I'm glad that you're doing it, with wonderful results.

    I'm so excited about your new blog. I'm always looking for ways to help my Darien deal with my progressing illnesses, and eventually with my death. She is only 3 years old, but she is already aware and stressed over my declining health and I need advice on how to deal with this. I have no idea how children grieve, or how to prepare them.

    Well, stay well and happy and know that you are loved and supported and in all our prayers.

    Best personal regards,

  44. I've been reading your blog from afar since, well, it seems like forever. When you lost Lucy I was in the slow and painful process of losing my mother. She had Alzheimer's, she passed away gratefully in November, but it's been hard. Your blog has helped me through it all! And I continue to look to you for inspiration and you have a great way of making me feel like all those feelings I'm going through are okay and healthy and normal.

    Love you. Thank you. Can't wait to see your new blog!!

  45. I know it's been said a million times, but you're amazing! Such an inspiration! (In many ways, you're doing a marathon? Wow! You Go!!!) I can't imagine your strength and grief- I look at my kids all the time and pray I never have to be as strong as you- my grandma watched lost 2, one from placenta previa and one choked on a pill when he was almost 2, she held him as they rushed to the hospital, got a flat tire, and nobody stopped...go ahead and scream, that's what pillows are for right? Glad you're progressing, and love the grief blog idea!


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