Be Still My Soul

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Just as we let the balloons go and Nana said, "Goodbye, Lucy", the wind stopped, the rain ceased, the clouds parted, and the sun came out.

So many parallels. So much symbolism.

So hard to do.

I loved wearing her bow. I loved that a beautiful girl with a beautiful family who reads my blog approached me at the store just minutes before heading to the cemetery. She hugged me and cried with me and said sweet things to me. It made my day. She didn't feel like a stranger at all. (Tamarin...right?) I wish I could do the same with all of you.

We were blessed with peace.


  1. You looked beautiful. The bow was perfect, the headstone wonderful, Peter Delightful even despite the difficulty of the day. We Sang "be still my soul" at James' Funeral. It's lovely and heart warming and comforting. Much love to you on this day and her up coming birthday. Loves,

  2. I'm a new reader and have been praying for you all week. I pray for your loss, I pray for Lucy (although she doesn't need them, as she is already perfectly with the Father) I pray for you and your husband, for your marraige and for you as parents, but mostly, Molly---I pray for Peter. I pray coming into this family, so filled with love right now--a family so much more aware of each other and the Lord--I pray that fact will be so very good for him. I pray in thanksgiving for Peter, who will be shown a deeper love from the very start--I pray for what that will do for his life! How amazing for him! Lucy has truly helped the father in blessing him--and you through him, and God's plan for him in this world.

  3. Her headstone is so beautiful. I love that it has your name and Vic's name on it as well. I absolutely love that last picture of Peter lying on the headstone. It just shows how close they probably are. Thank you for sharing that!

  4. I wish that I could run into you at the grocery store, and give you a big hug too!

  5. I can't imagine how difficult this day must have been for you.

    I've thought of little Lucy many times today. I'm sure she is an amazingly beautiful angel.

    I'm sorry this day has to mean something to you...I wish it were just another day.

  6. That bench is just wonderful, the quotes, her sweet picture.

  7. So beautiful! You have so much strength, grace,and awareness. Love you!

  8. I am so happy to hear that you were blessed with peace. Lucy's headstone is PERFECT! I love it, and the quote you have on the back is beautiful. I am a huge CS Lewis fan, and love that quote, and the fact that you have a Lucy and a Peter. You look lovely and very serene, I love the pink bow, too. Thanks for sharing these special photos.

  9. That is the most gorgeous headstone I have ever seen!

    Loved seeing the pictures of you all with Lucy...because I know she was there. :o)

  10. Precious. I don't even have words.

  11. That is beautiful. I'm very touched by the C. S. Lewis quote. What a perfect choice. Your Queen Lucy certainly is valiant. Thank you for sharing.

  12. Seeing little Peter on Lucy's blanket... whew... that is an emotional sight for me. Like your blog post for not too long ago, you have Lucy's little video followed by Peter's video (or were they photos?). It is so like they are both here. And yet Lucy is just off playing some place. Oh I wish she could come back and play. She would be so cute with her little brother. I have thought all day today how her funeral was one year ago (not to date but to the "day"). Miss her.

  13. Looks like you did it up right. And I love the C.S. Lewis quote. Perfect.

    Can't do the grocery store hug, but here's a few cyber ones...



  14. so lovely. i love the pic with peter on lucy's blanket.

    can I just say...Molly, you just had a baby. How do you look so freaking amazing?1?


  15. What a gorgeous headstone.

    Such a heart warming family moment... I am sure Lucy was close by.


  16. OH Molly. It is beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking.

  17. Vic, Molly, and Peter, You all look peaceful in your picture together. You are a beautiful family. What a precious afternoon together.

  18. I love that you put "Queen Lucy the Valiant" on the headstone. It's so true, she is a queen. Your love for her is so beautiful.

  19. My heart is with you both.
    Her head stone is so beautiful ~ so right and that line from Narnia is so fitting.
    Although I have never met either of you or indeed had the chance to meet your beautiful Lucy ~ you all hold a special place in my heart.
    Love and big hugs Tabitha XXXX

  20. Its beautiful ... You all have been in my thoughts and prayers this past week..

  21. The bench looks even better than you described to us. It's so fitting of her. With Peter laying on the bench, it just looks like he wanted to give his sister a hug. Precious.

  22. I was thinking of pink balloons and you bows, pink shoes...and Lucy the Valiant. I was at the Narnia movie when I found out Lucy was probably not going to make it. The thought I keep having is how Lucy's greatest wish for you all as a family is JOY. Eternity is now.

  23. I should really stop reading your blog at work!!! I am always moved to tears by your sweet words. Your words make us better parents, children and friends. Thank you for being so willing to share your journey.

  24. Love the headstone for sweet Lucy. I have thought about you and so glad that you were able to feel peace.
    Love ya,
    Kamber's Mommy

  25. It's already been said, But I must say it again...Such a beautiful headstone and quote. Thank you for sharing the pictures. You always share your experiences with more grace than I can imagine. thank you.

  26. Molly, you are often in my thoughts and prayers. Now that I have a daughter of my own, I cannot imagine the grief that you have born so gracefully. You have inspired me to be a kinder, more patient person, and to cherish every moment I have with my little one. May peace be with you and Vic in the coming months and may you find the joy in life that you deserve. Love, Lisa Allen Larsen

  27. this weekend around the campfire my sisters and i talked about sweet little lucy and her story. we were all moved to tears. your strength is a big example to me and my family. we think of you often and are grateful you are able to share your story.

  28. Beautiful. You truly are amazing people. Thank you for your help and comment on the angel blog. I think of you and your sweet little Lucy often. God be with you. Love, Nicole - Mia's mom ^i^

  29. I love that quote. How fitting for your Lucy. God bless you and your family.

  30. I am not sure this is a 100% appropriate of a comment, but I love what you have written on Lucy's headstone. Of cource, how brilliant with the CS Lewis quote on the back. Anyone who passes by will know you and your family truely love Lucy! So special and personal.

    Your family will continue to be in my prayers as you go forward and raise Peter.

  31. Precious, priceless, beautiful pictures.

  32. That quote. . . .perfection.

  33. Hands down, the most gorgeous, most fitting headstone I have ever seen. Beautiful.

  34. There are no words to completely express the beauty of this post. I love the quote. It is amazing.

  35. Beautiful! Love the picture of you Molly wearing Lucy's bow. Just want to say that you are still inspiring me daily. I love reading and feel the spirit when I do. It is part of my weekly routine to see when you update. I feel a connection with heaven when I read your blog. You are both so amazing.

  36. I am not sure how I stumbled on your blog, but I am also a stranger who is always moved to tears when I visit. What a gorgeous headstone and a beautiful moment for your family to be able to be together and feel peace. You are a great example to all of us who read. Lucy is beautiful and so is Peter...what lucky children to have you as parents.

    BTW, I went to school with Paul Jackson and my husband's cousin is Zach Sutton (married to Lyndi)...small world:)

  37. Was it symbolism or the Heavenly Father bringing you peace? I think it's both... Molly & Vic, your strength, unity, faith and love through little Lucy's tragedy & Peter's birth truly demonstrate the beauty of marriage. The CS Lewis quote states it best...we are all here for a moment and return home...may Peace remain in your hearts.

  38. Congratulations on making through the first year. This last weekend marked 6 years since my younger brother (Travis Michaelis, you may have known him?)passed away and I still miss him but am so glad to know that he is in a much more perfect place. Good luck in your love for your sweet boy and through making it another year without your beloved Lucy.

  39. I'm so glad you were blessed with peace...just beautiful! Thinking of you and I continue to pray for you as your sweet Lucy's birthday is approaching.

  40. you DO look more peaceful, and I am glad for that; everyone deserves peace and love.

    I read a statistic that said something like "for every person who makes the effort to write to someone (in terms of a comment, letter of complaint/commendation, etc) there are ten other people who also consider doing the same, but for whatever reason they do not."

    If that is true, Molly/Vic/Lucy/Peter, imagine how much MORE you are doing for the world than you are even aware of...amazing. Don't stop.

  41. I have thought and thought about what to write. Your story has seemed to touch my heart from the beginning. By the “beginning”, I am meaning 3 days ago when I started to read your blog. But I skipped back to the beginning and read everything from the past year. I love your past description of this “sacred experience”. I don’t know if I would ever describe going through something like that as anything less than traumatic, which I am also sure it has been but I also can’t imagine the veil being so thin in such a hard time.

    When my daughter was born, I feared someone would take her because she was perfect to me. It was hard to let love in for fear that she would be gone the next day. The whole experience seemed surreal to me. Throughout this past year of her life, I am often reminded of parents that have lost their children. I don’t know why these stories become more present after having a child or maybe it is just that they hurt my heart more, knowing the love I have for my child.

    Before getting pregnant with my daughter, I miscarried a child. It scared me. It was the closest death I have experienced since my best friend passed away in junior high. People would tell me, “Don’t worry. It’s your first, so miscarriage is normal.” But I worried. I worried I would never carry a baby full term. I hated their reasoning…because it WAS a big deal to me. I WAS worrying.

    I remember last month, when my daughter Hayley started choking on goldfish in a restaurant…goldfish crackers. From across the table my husband told me she was choking and I laughed because she was eating goldfish---my one year old with teeth. It seemed silly until I looked to see her labored breathing. It was all of two seconds when I ripped her out of that high chair and did some version of the Heimlich on her before she threw it all up and was crying in my arms. I thanked my Heavenly Father because even though it sounded like it wasn’t a big deal when I told my sister later, I know anything can take my daughter away if it is the right time for her to return home.

    I don’t believe I could ever be as strong as you in a situation like this one. You have lost a child and I feel that you are stronger than me still, or more so. I am grateful for eternity and the opportunity you will have to raise sweet Lucy up in Heaven. We are so lucky to know that we are forever. But that doesn’t make your hurt here on earth any less.

    Lucy is a hero. She gave life to others and continues to wrap her angel arms around you when you most need it. She is watching over her brother. Though it is hard to not have her physical body in your arms, she will never leave your family. I feel a strong sense of who she is through your blog and love that her beauty reminds me of my daughter. She will forever be with you and I cannot wait for the day when you will get to continue raising her in Heaven.

  42. Molly, I have to say that I have been reading your blog for a short while now and I love how truly honest and wonderful you are. You say some of the most heartfelt and heart wrenching things and you make me appriciate my son so much more. I cannot help but bond with your story since my son went into the hospital for an asprin overdose May 19th of last year, one day before my 30th birthday for 3 days and thankfully he came back out but I can only imagine your pain. Thank you for everything that you say because it really makes me thankful for what God has given. And your husband is amazing also.

  43. Thank you for sharing such heartfelt pics and words.

  44. Molly, you popped into my head yesterday during sacrament meeting and I wanted to go home and look up your blog. I haven't been on since about this time last year....I think about you and your sweet Lucy and admire your faith and strength. Congratulations on your new baby. I love that you named him Peter.

    Tara Bloomfield Butler

  45. You are a Special Little Spirit

    "You're a Special Little Spirit," the all great Master said,
    As he gentlycaressed the curly blond hair of the Little Spirit's head
    "You need to go toEarth to spend some time, you know,
    A place I send most Spirits to be tested, to learn, and grow."
    The Little Spirit, in sadness, slowly bowed his head,
    And from his eye a tear did steal and down his cheek it shed.
    "Don't you fret now little one, I won't let you stay too long,
    I'll bring you back to help me here, You'll hardly know that you've been gone.
    You're my choicest Little Spirit, you're the apple of my eye."
    And he wiped the tear and gently kissed His Little Spirit good-bye.
    "I'm back," the Little Spirit whispered, as he climbed onto his Master's knee,
    And the Master said, "I told you, you would not be long away from me."
    And then, the Lord, He noticed still another tear welled in his eye.
    "Why are you so sad, Little Spirit, whatever should make you cry?"
    "I'm glad I'm back," the Little Spirit said, "but Master you must surely know,
    When Your Angel came to get me, I did not want to go.
    I know You said You needed me, and that I'd be gone the shortest while,
    But Lord, couldn't I have had a little longer earthly trial?"
    The Master let the Little Spirit slip down from off His knee,
    He firmly took the little hand and said, "Come walk with Me."
    The Little Spirit and the Lord slowly walked hand in hand,
    As the Master explained his special part in the great and marvelous plan.
    "Now,Lord, I don't mean to argue, I understand that you needed me home.
    But I left in such a hurry, I left everyone hurting and so alone.
    I didn't let my earthly parents know how much I loved them so.
    I was too small to tell them Lord, how will they ever know?
    They feel they've been cheated, and in a way,so do I.
    Not getting to share any more than we did, how can I ever tell them why?"
    "Little Spirit, I know your heart is heavy with this message you need to share.
    But you need not worry anymore, I'll watch over your loved ones there.
    I'll send them loving comfort as a strong and helping hand.
    I'll contend and give peace to their aching hearts, so they will understand."
    The Little Spirit looked up at her Master and said "Thank You for explaining it to me.
    And could you please tell them that I'm safe and happy, and that someday They'll be here with me?"
    "Yes," said the Lord with a smile and a nod, I'll tell them all that I can.
    Then the others came to see the Little Spirit, as the Lord let go of his hand.
    He said, "I'll tell them that you're pure, as pure as Heaven's Gold,
    That I needed the warmth of your perfect soul to keep Heaven from getting cold"
    Author unknown

  46. I just found your blog today. I don't think I can even express what I felt as I read your family's story. I have just cried and cried...for your pain, but also for your strength, for your faith and for sharing with us the details of your life. It helps me appreciate my life and the blessings I have. It helps me realize that I need to be grateful for my time with my 3 year old and one year old boys, even when my patience is thin and I haven't been able to take a shower today! :) I just wanted to thank you and let you know that you touched someone today. Thank you!

  47. Happy Birthday Lucy.........tomorrow. You have blessed so many lives. There are so many that are better because of you. We love you,

  48. the narnia quote is perfect and your daughter's headstone is beautiful. hugs from another stranger - eliza


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