baby showers.... from a man's perspective

Saturday, April 4, 2009
So I went to both of the baby showers held for Molly. I know it's not normal for a man to go. For some reason I wanted to be there; I'm not sure why, perhaps I am just longing for greater connection to him.... Please don't tell any of my friends, it's not very manly.

I think baby showers are an interesting tradition. Anyone know how baby showers evolved into the events that they are? Anybody know who invented the baby shower games? Baby shower games are scary weird. That was the one part that I avoided.

It was interesting to see all the women congregating thus, busily chatting, laughing, eating [if you can get food from a baby shower you are a lucky individual indeed]. There is definitely a certain camaraderie. I suppose it is the bond of motherhood. Pregnancy really is a big deal. I am fascinated by all the physical changes a woman experiences. To change shapes so drastically? The amount of energy it requires? The changes in hormone levels? And then to have another being inside, that moves and kicks and punches and gets the hiccups? Really -- its like something from a science fiction movie! Its like magic. "And now for my next trick, I will make a person; Ta-da!"

Women make people. I carved an eagle out of soap once, when I was in cub-scouts. My wife makes people. It makes sense that there would be this camaraderie. There is a camaraderie among lawyers - "you suffered through law school, passed the bar, are sworn to uphold the constitution and are an officer of the court? I can relate to you. I can respect your situation". For women - "you have the power to make people too? Yes, we are in a special club aren't we?" Making people. It really is amazing.

There is a special feeling at a baby shower. The shared connection for sure, but more than that I think it is the desire to celebrate a new life, to give something for mother and baby to make the transition to a new stage of existence just a little easier. The thought and planning put in to the showers was spectacular. Everything was just right, beautiful, comfortable, inviting. I was overwhelmed by the gifts given to our family. People are excited for Peter; for the hope of healing he signifies, the next step he represents, and the demonstration of love that he is from a knowing Heavenly Father and an older sister beyond the veil. It is exciting. The generosity of so many left me humbled.

I sat and watched. So many women of different ages and stages of life, mingling. Some of them also expecting a new life, some mothers of several, some grandmothers, some still waiting in various stages for the blessing of motherhood. It was enjoyable to see the friendships, the love they felt for each other. It made me think about the reunions of friends and families that will occur in the next life. What will women say to each other? What will they talk about? It seems they will know each other so well. I suppose they will be just as busy with a million things to do. I have watched Molly go through pregnancy twice [we're still waiting for the second delivery]. I recognize that it is a sacrifice. I don't envy the challenges pregnancy presents. I felt like I was surrounded by people exceptionally important, powerful and sweet. I imagined Lucy there, how much she would jump up and down, how excited she would be, how much she would have loved the food just like her Daddy. I feel certain that she is excited.

Molly is still finishing the thank you cards; but is there an adequate way to say thank you? I think the giving of love and support at baby showers is divine, one manifestation among many; from the more divine half of the species. I probably won't go to future baby showers, they are intended for a special group of people - those who at some point or other will make other people, besides that, I don't want to be exposed to baby shower games.


  1. What a beautiful post Vic! Thinking of you both!

  2. I may be different from many other women... but I am not into baby shower games.

    I love to visit. Swap stories.
    But my favorite last two baby showers involved BBQ's and families invited.

    My hubby has never attended a shower... bridal or baby. So I admire you Vic for attending. My swetheart has a hard time if too many women are present at any event. Glad to hear you survived.


  3. I don't mean to intrude....I have been following your blog for a while because I love your scrumptious little Lucy. Her life shines all the here to Maine, thanks for sharing her with us.
    I also wanted to say....what a neat post. Thank you, Vic. You have said some things to make your species look pretty neat, too.
    I myself have had the honor of making six people and the sixth one was just as amazing to me as the first. The miracle of birth is truly one of the greatest blessings in this life.

  4. How awesome. We are not able to see a baby shower through a man's eyes very often! I love your thoughts! You and Molly are so blessed to have one another. Our prayers are with you as you prepare for your baby Peter!

  5. You don't know me, I am a blog stalker. First off sorry about your lucy. I also think it is cool that you went to the shower.

  6. Come on. You didn't like the make-a-diaper-on-your-partner game??

    I like how you put that. A special group of people who at some point will make other people. It's an interesting thought. And a very cool one.

    I hope you guys are doing all right, and I'm excited for Peter to get here.

  7. I like the thought that women make people. The wording is majestic. I send much love and encouragement for Molly in these last days/hours/moments as she completes her finishing touches on this next creation. How precious.

  8. Your family is so lucky to have you Vic ... I loved this baby shower from your point of view post and beings how I just went to a baby shower for one of my friends last night... I can totally relate to how you see it because, yes that is really what its like isn't it... I love Baby Shower games ..So sweet ...

  9. Hi Vic: You don't know me, but I'm a follower of your family and it's joys and sorrows. I just wanted to comment on how eloquently you describe things...from a man's point of view. I am a childless woman, terminally ill, and yes, sometimes I feel cheated. I wanted the joy AND the sorrow of a life like yours. Molly is so blessed to have you, as you are to have Molly, and we're all awaiting the arrival of your precious Peter. Thanks to you and Molly for being so open and honest about your life experiences. You are always in my prayers!!!

  10. Awesome post Vic. I hate baby shower games too. They are creepy. But, baby showers themselves are divine.

  11. I think it is great that you went, Vic, but I'm sure Warren would have felt the same way. He showed up when it was over to see the decorations and help etc. Actually with Joseph they held a surprise shower for him at work! They told him it was just a potluck and because he hadn't brought anything he didn't want to go to the potluck, but they convinced him to go and it was a shower for him!
    You'll be in our prayers.

  12. Vic,
    How lucky you are to have Molly she trully is a amazing being. Her beauty shines from inside out. You and baby Peter are some lucky Men to have her around!(And on top of everything else her voice is AMAZING! and she doesn't get strech marks-what gives?

  13. What a thoughtful husband you have to think about all the hard work of pregnancy. That was so sweet

  14. I like thinking of myself as having made four people. Thanks for the food for thought!

    I bet they all loved having you at the shower.


    PS. I don't play the shower games either...

  15. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Molly you look beautiful and I love the things you write on your blog, especially about mothers being warriors. Fight on!

  16. Vic, your perspective is priceless. So true to life. Mothers are bonded by this task. The games are for laughing cause we all need to do that when you think about the huge task in front of you. We pray for you always. Love ya Molly and Vic,my man child. MOm

  17. Vic, thanks for letting me share some time with you at one of the showers. As Megs goes through her (she doesn't like 'our') second pregnancy, I too am amazed at everything pertaining to the arrival of children to this earth. We can't wait to meet Peter.

  18. I love the thought about how women have the power to make people. It puts things in perspective as I complain about my aching body parts.
    I'm so glad you guys have had people showering you with gifts and love.
    Good luck with the birthing. I'm sure it will be wonderful.
    Love you guys. Tami

  19. I loved this! Molly--you are so blessed with such an awesome & insightful husband. Vic--you are so lucky to have such a hottie + fabulous wife!

    I absolutely LOVE baby showers. I love attending them, hosting them, planning for the, decorating for them...all of it.

    There is something sacred about the gathering of women to celebrate a new life!

    AND I have a LOVE THE GAMES! :)

    Thanks for this post...and good luck this week! WE are thinking of you daily!

  20. I love reading your blog, you are amazing and an inspiration to all!

    I thought of you during conference this weekend, I know you are a stranger to me but I couldn't help thinking of how SPECIAL the Lord must think you are to handle this trial you are going through. I find myself being so excited for you to have this baby. Thanks for letting all of us keep up on your life (even though we may not know you).

  21. From a total stranger, what a wonderful post - and what a lovely man you must be, Vic (meaning that in the most un-scary weird way possible, of course :>). My husband is an attorney, and what you wrote (the attorney part) just cracked me up.

    I hope your next few weeks are especially wonderful, literally full of wonder and joy.

    If you read this comment soon, there is a song posted on the following blog that made me think of your family. Do you know the Christian group Selah? This website is a blog of one of the members' wives (and they too lost a little girl last year). The wife posted a rough cut of a song from Selah's forthcoming CD. If you mute their playlist at the bottom of the site, and then look for the tiny "play" bar embedded in the most recent post, you can hear the new song for the next day or so.

  22. Molly! I found your blog through Maria Bennett Wood! I love your blog! It is so beautiful! You are such a strong woman. I want you to know I am thinking of you and love you!
    (Casey Brey McDaniel)

  23. You both have an amazing talent with writing....

    One more day ~ wishing you all of the very best.

    V x

  24. ah, baby showers! I actually like MOST of the games. All of the girly-womany-person creating chit-chat that goes is a club meeting, ready to initiate a new or returning member.

  25. are AMAZING! I am speechless! My prayers are with you both at this time! Can't wait to see your next post of your new little man!

  26. i'm so sad that i missed it!
    molly text me the day she mailed out my invite, and i never received it. still waiting. our mail has been messed up, we just received an invite for a wedding that happened in december.
    anyway, sending my love to your wonderful family! xoxox

  27. I have to use your quote about women making people. I'm coming up on my 38th birthday and will no longer be making any more people. 4has been enough, though at times I feel like I'm missing one. I guess in the next life I'll be stronger and be able to handle more children. I wish you both luck and love. I'm glad I found you. You were always a great friend. See ya around the block.

  28. I JUST saw the pictures in the email Le sent out - wow, is there anything more exciting??? I think he totally has so many of Luc's features, like you guys said, and Molly's mouth (in my opinion). I cannot wait to hear more about everything - the physical, the emotional, the whole deal. Good luck with the recovery and we'll talk to you real soon!!


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