It's been a while. I was very sick. Depression crept in. I don't have many words, but you do. And you have all reached out and shared them beautifully. Today marks 10 months since Lucy's choking accident. Today we finalized the text for her headstone. Today my husband cried on the phone with me while sitting at his desk at work. Today my therapist told me I sounded heavy-in every sense of the word. Today I re-read this email from a dear friend in Boston to help sustain me. I'm in love with the power of words--
..."When I was in the shower yesterday, I was thinking "I'm a warrior. Mothers are warriors. They fight the worst most intense war imaginable. They fight for their children's lives every single day in some way or another. They have casualties again, and again, and are expected to keep fighting. Their lives are bloody, literally. They are not only emotionally connected to everything, but literally, physically connected, and any loss is a loss of part of themselves."
Molly, you are brave, valiant, mighty, and strong. You are a warrior. You've suffered a great loss. But, you have more fighting to do. You have a baby to deliver. You have a son to raise. I have more fighting to do. My entire morning was a fight, literally, with my kids. That's why I missed your text - we were fighting the fight.
Again, I'm just grasping at something to send you to give you a reason to get up tomorrow and keep fighting. But, to me, it feels good to grit my teeth and get mad and fight. We have to keep trying.
I love you..."
Thank you, Michelle. It was wonderful to be photographed by someone who knows.
Today I hope for a bright future with my son. And many, many other things.