a glimpse

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I wanted to throw in my two cents about Cancun. It was a trip I have wanted to make for at least 10 years. Seeing Chichen Itza and Tulum just about completes my must see list of ancient American ruins - Machu Pichu, Tiwanako, Tenochititlan [the little that is left] & Teotihuacan. Really Tikal is the only one left, though having been as close to Ek Balam and Coba as we were, I may have to expand my list....

Going to church, grocery shopping in Mexico [yes, I know its weird. I like grocery shopping], playing at the resort, swimming, biking, driving around, haggling, it was all a blast. The trip to Isla Mujeres was so much fun, and Xel-Ha was perhaps one of the funnest days of my entire life. And it was so marvelous to have Joy and Jason with us.

But the highlight of the trip for me, occurred in just a few moments of the day while snorkeling at Xel-Ha. I have a snap shot in my mind of it, as I realized what had just happened. We were almost to the corner of the lagoon where the manatees lived, I turned around in the water and saw Molly swimming, her snorkel mask up on her forehead, her head just poking out of the water (maybe she was dog paddling). She had just said something really funny in one of her animated, clever, and goofy voices. I realized that for just a moment Molly was the playful, vivacious and bubbly woman I married, WITHOUT the pain and sorrow that have been her constant companion the last 9 months. It was the first time I have seen her like that since Lucy went home. Did you see it Joy? I almost said something about it, but realized that I would cry and the spectre of loss would return immediately if I said anything. I don't know if she even realizes that it happened.

So when I say thank you to Kevin and Jennifer Townsend for their generous gift of a week in a time share, what I really mean is thank you for providing a way for my wife to be completely free of pain and loss for just a few moments and for a glimpse of our future when this sorrow will vanish and our tears will revert to tears of joy.

I think that more often than not in this life, we don't know the effects we have on the lives of others, how the things we do small or big ripple down through time and generations. How what we do changes what others perceive and how they will chart their course through life. I doubt Kevin and Jennifer knew the glimpse of the future they were giving me. I'm sure you can think of people and events in your life like that. Lucy was "just a two year old"; a beautiful, funny, silly, sometimes ornery and petulant, but sweet two year old, and yet even before her departure she forced a new perspective of life and the world on me. She had forever altered and changed me, and the course of my life. She didn't do anything particularly grand or epic other than love life, love her mom, love others, and love me. I guess she provided me a glimpse of just how happy I someday will be. It is nice to catch a glimpse every once in a while.


  1. Good to hear from you Vic.

  2. Good to hear from you Vic.

  3. Vic:
    What a beautiful post. I'm so glad you were able to see Molly for a moment in the joy that hopefully will come again into your life. Derek and I went to Maui last fall. There were moments there that I felt the grief leave and joy peak it's head out. They didn't last too long but they were there. I'm so grateful as well that we had that opportunity to experience some time away from everything to experiecne those moments of joy. I too hope that as time goes by that the grief will be replaced with more moments like that. Thank you for giving me that hope that maybe someday it will happen.
    Wyatt's mommy

  4. I am SO glad she found you Vic! Thanks for taking such good care of her for all of us.

  5. Sniffle Sniffle......What a beautiful husband/person you are Vic. How wonderful for you to be able to see that in Molly (again.) I'm sure it made Lucy smile to see her happy, beautiful mommy like that again also! Hoping for more happy moments to come.

  6. Such a thoughtful post...

    I hope the joyful moments will come more often... as well as closer together.

    Thank you for sharing.


  7. Thanks for sharing that experience, Vic.

    Reading it made me feel good on two levels. One, that Molly is healing. (it surprises me how much I care about that, since we have never even met.) Two, that she has obviously married a man who is worthy of her.

    THAT is always a source of joy, no matter how hard the challenges get.

    Hugs to you both.


  8. My family is also going through a pain like yours, although no pain is the same. I want to know Vic if you feel that joy, the one you speak about very often, since Lucy's passing?
    I am so very glad that Molly was happy, if only for a moment. I know how good it feels when there is a reprieve from the sorrow, even if it was short.
    God Bless

  9. Dear Vic and Molly, What a sweet post, how true and geniune your love is. While I have no idea how one bears the kind of grief you are living in, I do know grief and all that Molly describes is universal, not in its depth, but in its cycles and timelessness.

    It is the glimpes in life that keep us going. I hope that they become more frequent. You are in so much pain because you had so much joy, and because you had so much happiness you will cherish it when it comes to you again. Here is something I wrote last week but was hesitant to post:

    Feb 20th:
    Molly, I thought of you yesterday, as I knew I would. It was my first trip ever to Disneyworld (and Izzie's too). As we waited in line for the Peter Pan ride, I thought of your family. During the ride I could think of little else but you, I sent wishes of peace to you and thoughts of Lucy, smiling, hanging with Tinker Bell in the stars, flying above us all, wishing us some magic in this sometimes unmagical world. It was right around the time you were writing this...
    I wish those thoughts of peace were enough. But I know they are not. And I wonder if I should even share this with you. I am sure it is hard and painful to know what the rest of us are doing. I really get that but you seem to reach out anyway. I just want you to know that my thoughts are with you. And Lucy, as with all children, reminds us of how magical some moments can be. I hope some more fairy dust is sprinkled soon.
    Love Meg

  10. You're a good man, Vic. A much better one than I. Hang in there.
    - Chris

  11. I remember when I was grieving, being surprised by the moments when joy pushed bravely and boldly and shockingly through the pain. I am glad you could SEE that in Molly, and therefore FEEL IT yourself in that moment. It is a gift. Something you can replay when needed. Remember. xo Linda

  12. I love to read your writing Vic and was so happy to hear that Molly, if even for a moment, experienced joy on the trip. I hope that in time there will be many more moments of joy. It never seems to fail that I leave the blog needing tissue. Hang in there.

  13. I always love your insights Vic. Always great to see this world through your perspective. You have a brilliant mind. That was such a great thought about the people in our lives and what path they turn us on. I loved reading this.

    P.S. your comment about "the animated and clever Molly" was so visual for me. I grew up knowing nothing but that side of her...always a joy to be around!
    (Love you Mollz)

  14. Well thank you for the comment, that was quick and to be honest not expecting a comment. Well my wife and I are hooked on them and they are trully a delight! nex time you are down you should try them. Ah I was wondering if you could read my blog, My Personal Superman, i think you will like it. Hope all is well and know that you have a new fan out of the many that follow your blog.

  15. Oh and by the way I have family that lives in Cancun and as a child I went often but I havent been since 99 so I miss it. Its nice to see the place still is breath taking. Isla Mujeres is way fun!

  16. Second attempt here to leave a comment.

    First of all I want to thank the Townsends too! Because of their very generous gift, Vic and Molly were able to invite some family/friends along (and we are both after all :) and we got to be the lucky people who happened to get life, work, kids and all arrangements made to be able to go. And it was... sigh... SO AMAZING. Jason has been telling people that we thought we were going to have a good time, but it ended up being 10x better than we could have imagined. And for so many reasons. It was soooo fun and soooo beautiful! And for the reason that you mentioned Vic. I felt so giddy and so slap happy! Molly all of the jokes and her silly voice, we just couldn't stop laughing! Vic, I had the same thought you did- that we were seeing a glimpse of the old Molly we knew and the one that may someday be a little more permanent. I know things will never be the same again but you know what I mean. For me it was when she said "Paradise found"! I know she was talking about the beauty and nature that we were literally swimming in but it felt like a moment free of pain! It made me feel so happy and hopeful.

    And you Vic, acting like a little kid running around with so much energy and excitement- I saw it in you too!


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