A poem begins with a lump in the throat. -Robert Frost

Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Hanover Street

There's an elephant on Hanover Street
Where is my Lucy Sweet?
She was right here beside my feet.
Oh, there she is, high on an elephant seat.

There's a kangaroo in Central Park you know.
Now where did my little Lucy go?
I wish her bouncy curls would show.
Oh, there she is, jumping to and fro.

There's a monkey in that Redwood Tree.
But my lovely Lucy I can't see.
Where could my little sunshine be?
Oh, there she is, way up high and swinging free.

There's a butterfly perched on my ear.
Why isn't my Lucy here?
She might miss the world, I fear.
Oh, there she is, she's always near.

by Jen Jackson Robinson (Vic's sister)

Have you heard of Orson Scott Card? He is one of Vic's favorite authors. Through mutual friends (I am assuming) he found our blog and left the following comment and poem. If you've ever read Ender's Game, or any of his other fantastic books, you know his genius mind. Oh, the power of words.

"My wife and I have been down this road twice, once with our seventeen-year-old son who was relieved of the burden of cerebral palsy after a life of love and generosity and patience, and once with a baby we only held for six hours. My older brother and his wife lost a beautiful 18-year-old daughter to complications from anesthesia; dear friends lost their firstborn daughter when she was at college. We find we all tell the same story: The grief never ends. You miss the missing child all your life, and even after you learn to set aside the raw emotion so you can get on with life (especially meeting the needs of the children still with you), it can flood back with all its force at moments when it is least expected.

Do you measure your loss by the years of life you don't get to be part of? Or do you measure your joy by how much of this beloved child you got to have? We never got to see our seventeen-year-old son take a step, or run, or speak in a torrent of words; but we had him for seventeen years. Our little girl we barely had at all; are we blessed not to know what we missed by never getting to know her? or should we be disappointed? The answer is: you feel what you feel."

Here is the poem I wrote for our little girl, the first Christmas when we would have had her, but didn't:

A Poem for Erin’s First Christmas

This is the season of the invisible.
By the gravesides now poinsettias bloom,
Garlands drape along each fence,
Starlight shines from every wire,
And at every manger, shepherds kneel.

Of public symbols I am quite insensible —
These are the icons that to me are real:
The grieving parents of the innocents,
The babies that the Savior did not heal,
And Tiny Tim’s crutch
Leaning useless by the slackening fire.

Delicate fingers that I cannot touch
Hold my hand and guide me through the gloom.
I bow my head for flesh made word
And sing the carol of the voice unheard.


  1. Oh my goodness- what a sweet, poignant message he left you. How kind of him to write that, and I am sure every word of it rings true with you. My heart goes out to him, losing TWO children, I can hardly imagine, as it does to all who have lost children. The poem from your sister in law is perfect, and so sweet. The picture of little Lucy is amazing. She has a gorgeous, happy smile. You can tell she was so well loved, and happy. And her hair- unbelievable. Thank you for sharing these sweet messages, and the adorable picture of Lucy.

  2. Wow. That is really powerful. Thank you for sharing that.

  3. Orson and Jenny... Thank you for sharing your talents in a such a beautiful and moving and powerful way! I loved these poems!!! And wow that sounds so trite. But thank you!

    Vic- thanks for your part in that poem too and Molly for sharing this with us. I spent 2 hours in a very sacred place thinking about Lucy the whole time.

  4. What a beautiful and touching comment, and poem. So very kind.
    My heart aches with every post you write, and I'm grateful for that. I know I could never alleviate the pain you feel, but I pray that the knowledge that people who come by your blog, ache for you and your family--(what am I trying to say here?) I pray that the ache we feel for you and your loss, lets us carry some of that burden, just a little bit, for you.

  5. Dear Molly,
    I have hesitated writing to you. My husbands cousin told us about your sweet little angel. I am so sorry. In March of this year, we too lost a child. Our little boy was 2 years old. He played in our front yard often...his playing was silenced when he was struck by our friends jeep in our own drive way.

    There are times that I wish I could just wake up from this horrible dream...And then I am reminded that it's not a dream. Sometimes I feel like I am reading a chapter from someone else's book...and then I am reminded that it is my own.

    I enjoy reading the things that you write, it helps knowing that there is someone putting into words what my husband and I feel, but can not write...

    Buying apples for the first time in a while? Not so wierd...I wondered if we would ever get used to pulling up in our own drive way, or if the conversations with our friend that hit him would be normal.

    We recently added a new little boy to our family, and I wondered if this blond haird, blue eyed little boy would remind us daily of him...
    especially when we had to pull out the box of "boy clothes" from the attic.

    You are not alone. I think of you and your family often. I pray that your heart will be healed...and that you will find peace. Continue to inspire people. Keep sharing your sweet words and testimony.

    Thank you...

  6. I just wanted to let you know I love you and I think about you often!

    love, Ali K.

  7. Your words are inspiring. My heart and prayers are with your family often. Please keep sharing your thoughts and your journey--I know it helps you heal and inspires others who are on the same path.

  8. These poems and comments are truly gifts for the imaginably difficult holiday season ahead.
    Many thoughts and prayers being sent your way...

  9. It was so nice to finally meet you Molly. You are so amazingly wonderful. Your posts between you and Vic never fail to uplift, encourage and strengthen me in my own loss. Thank you for your example of faith and courage. I love the poems and songs you find that fit so well.
    Much Love,
    James' Mommma

  10. that poem strikes me speechless.

    ....it is simply heartrending depth.
    raw truth. stunningly beautiful so the more achingly sad.

  11. Beautiful...simply beautiful. Fanciful, imaginative, surreal, so special.
    Thank you!

  12. I am originally from Centerville Utah and know a lot of people from where you live. You don't know me but I want you to know what an impact you have had on my life. I am a first time mother to a beautiful five month old baby boy. After hearing about your story and then reading your blog your family is truely an inspiration to me. It makes me look at my little one in such a different light and makes each day so special. I am so sorry for your loss. But I want you to know you truely are a special family!

    Alexis Blackner

  13. I'm sure you hear this all the time.... "you don't know me" but I've semi-followed your blog and have thought about and prayed for you. We lost our first 2 children so although everyone's story is different, we understand each other's grief and the depth of sorrow. I have 3 kids at home now including a 16 month old baby, and many times while making his lunch I have thought about you and what happened. I hope you are doing alright and that you will be blessed with peace upon you tomorrow.....

  14. Oh, thank you :) Your post was such a comfort to me today.

  15. I love that...."you feel what you feel."

  16. You words are touching even the most skilled of poets. The Lord has indeed ordained you to do his work in a marvelous way. Molly I loved your writings about the "apple". You guys will someday need to publish this blog. You can feel the spirit's inspiration in each letter.
    Love you guys.

  17. You have no idea who I am, but your story has touched me so much!! I can't imagine what you have gone through & are still going through, losing your precious,beautiful little princess Lucy. Your strength amazes me & I am not surprised that you were blessed with her beautiful spirit by our Heavenly Father! I know that you must have peace & are grateful for the plan of salvation, and the atonement & for the opportunity that you will have to be with her again!!! Congratulations on another special spirit!


  18. Molly,
    Orson Scott Card is also one of my favorite authors. I knew he had lost a son, but not a daughter. The poems are so tender. Thank you for sharing them.
    Your family is never very far from my thoughts. I have been thinking of you often with this holiday season. It must have an incredible mix of emotions. I pray God will be especially mindful of you and Vic.

  19. I know you don't know me, but I wanted to write to let you know that I'm thinking about your family and praying for you during this holiday season.

    And that picture of Lucy is priceless!

  20. I've peeked on your blog a few times and each time I do I feel so uplifted. You're such a beautiful person and I'm sorry you've suffered such a horrific loss. I pray you and your husband have a happy holiday season. Thanks for sharing that post from Orson Card. Loved it.

  21. Such beautiful words about such tragic experiences. I faced losing one child almost every day for six months and I can't imagine what you have gone through. My prayers are with you.

    Congratulations on your baby boy. I still have a crush on my boy. Whenever I look at him I'm a schoolgirl with her first crush.

  22. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I'm a friend of Amy's (from UofMichigan) and have been reading along for some time. Much love to you and your dear ones.


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