Just to Clarify...

Thursday, November 13, 2008
If you read Molly’s last post you know what her impression of my mental process was as we saw the news we’re having a little boy. While I admit that my mind eventually did make its way to soccer, Star Wars, camping and wrestling; I want to clarify that it wasn’t my first thought…

First you should know about our ultra-sound with Lucy. Until Lucy’s ultra sound I had been telling myself that I didn’t really care one way or another whether we had a boy or a girl first….. I lied….

When I saw little Lucy on the ultra sound and the nurse confirmed what I was seeing… well… Molly will tell you my face almost fell off. I was dazed. I couldn’t believe it. I was supposed to have a boy first. After all, I am male; I already knew what we would do. I was excited to wrestle, play with legos and Star Wars again.

Again, this time I thought I preferred a boy, that somehow it would be easier for us, that I would be less likely to impose “preconceptions” on the next member of our family. But when the ultra sound presented the obvious I didn’t know what to think. I realized that this time I would be excited either way, boy or girl. Psychologically, it finally made the fact that we are going to have a baby a concrete reality.

And then I began to think about who this is that is coming into our home. He knows my little girl Lucy. He loves her. He knows what we have been through, and he knows how we are feeling. He has seen our anguish and sorrow. He knows our hearts need healing. And he chose to come to our family. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this young man, so willing and so courageous to be born into this situation.

I also felt like we had just received a letter from Lucy, a message. “Mom and Dad we are sending someone to help fill your lives. I love this guy. You’ll love him too. He will help you. I think you were great parents to me. I think you’ll be great for him. I am excited he is coming to our family, to have you as his parents. I love you Mom. I love you Dad”.

I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. And since this is the month of Thanksgiving let me try to say how thankful I am for Lucy. I am thankful that Heavenly Father saw fit to bless us with such a spectacular young woman. That he trusted us enough with such a blessing and the trial that would come with it. I am thankful for this young man on his way now, for his love for us and for Lucy. I am thankful that we are an eternal family, and will be re-united someday.

People used to say that Lucy looked like me. I was never able to see it. But I hoped that it was true. I hoped that something of me was part of something so amazingly perfect…..

One evening at my parents I saw an old family photo and I finally saw it. There is something of me in her. Of all the honors, achievements, accolades and accomplishments that I have or yet will receive in this life; I don’t think there is a better one than this: I AM LUCY’S DAD.

So while I am excited about Star Wars and legos, wrestling and camping, soccer and all the other boy things I’m planning, I am even more excited about a young man that loves his Mom, his Dad, his sister Lucy and above all his Heavenly Father and Savior.

Son, I love you. I am excited to share all the great things about this world with you [I promise I will do my best to make red vines licorice your first taste of solid food just like your sister’s. More like a binky I guess, but it’s the perfect starter]. And I promise I will do my best to teach you about your Heavenly Father and your Savior, so that the things you already know will never be lost to you. I love you. See you soon.


  1. Very sweet beautiful post Vic. You don't know me personally, but I feel like I know you three. I read your blog religiously. I lost my little James 2 1/2 years ago. When we had our baby girl in January, it was the most beautiful moment I had since the time James flew home to his Heavenly Father. The two worlds met at that instant and I knew within my heart that as she left James' arms, she was placed in ours. There are a few times when the veil is thin, when one is born and when one flies home. Revel in that moment, it will be very very sweet and you will feel sweet Lucy saying goodbye to her little brother. Much love in your loss.
    James' Momma

  2. Your are a terrific Dad. I bet they are standing in line hoping to come down to you and Molly. Love Mom

  3. Vic, you moved me to tears. Your description of that boy who is on the threshold of entering this world was breathtaking. I hope Molly has shared with you how elated I am for you both to receive such a blessing at this time. A million congratulations...

  4. Sweet as always, Vic. I'm just as sure as you are that the ultrasound was a kind of letter from Lucy and from our Father. And, just for the record, Lucy looked EXACTLY like you from the moment she was born. I can't help but think that maybe Peter will look like his mom? Good thing you are both so blessed in the looks department that either way he will be a stunner. I can't wait to see him. In fact, I bought him a little outfit just today. I couldn't help myself.

  5. You are a top 10 dad in the history of the world.

  6. I consider myself honored to stand next to you in that privileged category called "Dad", Vic.

    Welcome to the world of lightsabers, karate, and peeing standing up (and often banking it off the wall).
    - Chris

  7. That was so beautiful. I think that Lucy has especially handpicked the BEST little boy you could ever even dream up! What a gift! To know that Lucy had a hand in this. I think it's so great!

  8. thanks so much for sharing :)
    beautifully said.
    now i just have to ask MY husband what HE was thinking when he saw our ultrasound for the first time!

  9. Your words are so heartfelt and strong. A beautiful sharing.

  10. That was so lovely. I hadn't thought of it that way. That the child that comes following the loss of another child is aware and still chooses to come in the grief of it all. Thank you for that insight. (We lost our little boy 3 months ago, and I am 2 1/2 months pregnant right now. That insight has been helpful to say the least.)

  11. Vic, I loved your post. I have communicated a few times with Molly in recent weeks. It has been over seventeen years since my daughter passed away. We were blessed with the gift of another daughter exactly 18 months (to the day) later. We wanted her to come on St.Patricks Day (I was born in Ireland) but the day grew long; she finally made her appearance at 11:05 pm. I have always believed that two sisters were saying a lengthy goodbye and finally one said to the other, "you'd better go now if your going to make it on St. Patricks Day to please Mom and Granma." She has been a healing blessing ever since (although she will be driving and dating this March).

    I love how you referred to your children as "young man" and "young woman". That's just what they are.

  12. Vic, that was beautiful. Ryan and I are both pretty emotional from the birth of our little girl this week. It is amazing to think that they leave our loved ones that we have lost and come to us to start their lives here. There is an amazing connection there. I remember when Kate was born on Saturday, my midwife looked at her and said that she felt that she was still hearing "whisperings" from the other side. I believe that is true, the veil is so thin and your little boy will be hearing these whisperings from Lucy.

    You are a wonderful father. I remember that you gave Ryan a lot of encouragement when we found out that Maren was a girl. He had been hoping for a boy as well. I remember him telling me how you and John Evenson told him how wonderful it was to raise a girl. Thank you for helping him get excited about our sweet little girls. We miss you guys, and would love to get together sometime soon.


  13. Great post VIC. No doubt this baby is a speical spirit, coming to a speical family. Boys are lots of fun, a little more rambunctious than girls. (I'm sure Molly told you of our visit to your house) Don't worry in a few years this little guy will be flying down the banister too. I am so happy for you guys. What a blessing.

  14. What are little boys made of?
    Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
    That's what little boys are made of !"
    What are little girls made of?
    "Sugar and spice and all things nice
    That's what little girls are made of!"

    Peter and Lucy ... what a blessing. Two of the our Father's choicest spirits are a part of your family. It says a lot about you and Molly.

    Peter may not be as big as AJ but he will have just as big as heart, with you being is Dad.

    Good times are upon you, again.


  15. I have been reading your blog for about a month now, since I found it on a link from a friend's blog. I am constantly amazed by the strength that the two of you exhibit. I am so happy for you as you prepare to welcome a new member to your family. Your beautiful new son is truly a gift from a loving Heavenly Father. I am sure as he is preparing to join your family, he is spending plenty of time with his big sister, learning just how terrific his mom and dad are!!

  16. I love the pictures you shared and enjoyed your post. You're an awesome dad!

  17. Vic! No doubt our little boys know each other already! Jonathan James Bergeson is scheduled to arrive on Feb 21st. Our little girls are a few weeks apart and our little boys will be, too. :) Raegan's birthday is April 9th, so we are hoping for a late birth for Baby Boy Jackson (we wanted either a 04/05/06 birthday for Raegan or at least born on the Savior's birthday, but she was actually born two years to the day that Blake and I had our first date. That was okay, too). :) We are still fervently praying for you and Molly and are THRILLED for your healing angel to come to your home. Love you! Jennifer

  18. I enjoyed reading your beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Tears were streaming down my face in this post. It was beautiful. You both have such a way with words. No doubt this little boy has a great purpose to fulfill, and he will receive advice, instructions and love from Lucy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly.

  20. Such strength and beauty. Thank you so much for sharing.

  21. That was possibly the sweetest thing I have ever read.

    Vic, your children are lucky to have you as their father.

  22. Vic, that was beautiful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with all of us. Molly and your children are SO blessed to have you.

  23. Vic, I don't even know you and I thought Lucy was your mini-me the first time I saw your family picture! How sweet. Like my friend's mother said to my husband, "Your face looks so darling on a baby girl!"


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