If you read Molly’s last post you know what her impression of my mental process was as we saw the news we’re having a little boy. While I admit that my mind eventually did make its way to soccer, Star Wars, camping and wrestling; I want to clarify that it wasn’t my first thought…
First you should know about our ultra-sound with Lucy. Until Lucy’s ultra sound I had been telling myself that I didn’t really care one way or another whether we had a boy or a girl first….. I lied….
When I saw little Lucy on the ultra sound and the nurse confirmed what I was seeing… well… Molly will tell you my face almost fell off. I was dazed. I couldn’t believe it. I was supposed to have a boy first. After all, I am male; I already knew what we would do. I was excited to wrestle, play with legos and Star Wars again.
Again, this time I thought I preferred a boy, that somehow it would be easier for us, that I would be less likely to impose “preconceptions” on the next member of our family. But when the ultra sound presented the obvious I didn’t know what to think. I realized that this time I would be excited either way, boy or girl. Psychologically, it finally made the fact that we are going to have a baby a concrete reality.
And then I began to think about who this is that is coming into our home. He knows my little girl Lucy. He loves her. He knows what we have been through, and he knows how we are feeling. He has seen our anguish and sorrow. He knows our hearts need healing. And he chose to come to our family. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this young man, so willing and so courageous to be born into this situation.
I also felt like we had just received a letter from Lucy, a message. “Mom and Dad we are sending someone to help fill your lives. I love this guy. You’ll love him too. He will help you. I think you were great parents to me. I think you’ll be great for him. I am excited he is coming to our family, to have you as his parents. I love you Mom. I love you Dad”.
I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. And since this is the month of Thanksgiving let me try to say how thankful I am for Lucy. I am thankful that Heavenly Father saw fit to bless us with such a spectacular young woman. That he trusted us enough with such a blessing and the trial that would come with it. I am thankful for this young man on his way now, for his love for us and for Lucy. I am thankful that we are an eternal family, and will be re-united someday.
People used to say that Lucy looked like me. I was never able to see it. But I hoped that it was true. I hoped that something of me was part of something so amazingly perfect…..
One evening at my parents I saw an old family photo and I finally saw it. There is something of me in her. Of all the honors, achievements, accolades and accomplishments that I have or yet will receive in this life; I don’t think there is a better one than this: I AM LUCY’S DAD.
So while I am excited about Star Wars and legos, wrestling and camping, soccer and all the other boy things I’m planning, I am even more excited about a young man that loves his Mom, his Dad, his sister Lucy and above all his Heavenly Father and Savior.
Son, I love you. I am excited to share all the great things about this world with you [I promise I will do my best to make red vines licorice your first taste of solid food just like your sister’s. More like a binky I guess, but it’s the perfect starter]. And I promise I will do my best to teach you about your Heavenly Father and your Savior, so that the things you already know will never be lost to you. I love you. See you soon.
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