Welcome Home

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 6:13 PM

A definite and concrete line has been drawn in the sands of my life. On one side lives "Life with Lucy" and on the other, "Life Without..." There will always be a before and after. All I have to say to a family member or close friend is "It's been five months", and they know exactly what I'm talking about. (Five months since what? That sale at Nordstrom's ended? Vic's done the dishes?) But, No...Five months since my eyes have been opened. Since my heart has been ripped in two. Or as my friend Lesley says, "the end of part of my innocence". But how can 5 months feel like 5 days? LITERALLY. How did time become this master magician? I knew time was capable of such trickery, but never like this. We've all said the phrases, "Time was just dragging!" or "Time stood still". How about, "The older I've gotten, the faster time goes." ? Time is an illusive thief in the night, a controller, a surprise guest, a welcomed visitor, our biggest obstacle, our greatest ally. It wears so many hats in our lives! "If only I had more time in a day." Or my newest favorite, "If only time would speed up and I were 90 yrs. old and very near the end of my journey." Friend or foe, it marches on.

Neal A. Maxwell said, " Time is clearly not our natural dimension. Thus it is that we are never really at home in time. Alternately, we find ourselves wishing to hasten the passage of time or to hold back the dawn. We can do neither, of course, but whereas the fish is at home in the water, we are clearly not at home in time--because we belong to eternity. Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here."

If five months can emotionally, physically, and spiritually feel like 5 days, then waiting until Friday for my ultrasound to find out the sex of my baby can feel like years! And telling people I will never fully feel at home until I am reunited with Lucy again isn't so much a guess as a truth. I will learn how to settle in for a very long visit here on earth. Not so much a vacation, as an intense workshop for the soul. Just like the line in my heart that divides "Life with Lucy" from "Life without", so is our spiritual life divided. Life before earth, and Life after. Someday this period of grief and agony will feel like a drop in the bucket of my life's span, just as our entire earth experience will feel like a speck in eternity.

Can you just imagine...




"Welcome Home, Mommy!"

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37 Loving Lines

  1. Oh that was really beautiful! That picture is so sweet!

    And I was just wondering today when you find out the sex - can't wait!

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  2. love ya Molly- I am excited for you to find out boy or girl- or twins! That would be insane. I would give you a smooch if I was there right now.
    Love Thea

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  3. I found your blog through Angels Among Us. I Just wanted to let you know that I love your words concerning time. And a huge lump came in my throught as I read the last line "Welcome Home, Mommy". I also look forward to that moment in time. Thank you.

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  4. Another amazing post. You ARE Amazing Molly! Since I posted your links, 3 or 4 people (including my friend who just lost her twins) have told me how much they love, learn, cry, and smile with your blog entries. People you don't know. People who have never seen you in their lives.
    Lucy's life had glorious meaning on earth and it continuous to have meaning and purpose through your thoughts, lessons, and reflections.
    You could have just crawled in a hole and not come out (I certainly wouldn't have blamed you), but you did such an amazing thing - opened your heart, soul, and life to us through your healing. Amazing.
    Sorry, but I can't talk about you without using that word - amazing.
    Thank YOU Molly. Truly.

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  5. Thank you for sharing that quote by Neal A. Maxwell, it was stirring, and so true. You are such an inspiration to the world...

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  6. That reunion with you and Vic and Lucy will be the most sweet and amazing reunion. I know without a doubt that she is with your future little babies right now, including the one who is about to join your family. I knew the first time I met Lucy that there was something extraordinarily beautiful about her spirit. She is a perfect little angel. We love you guys.

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  7. Thought of you and Lucy yesterday.

    Mourned a little.

    Can't imagine it.

    Still pray for you often.

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  8. That quote by Elder Maxwell is perfect, eloquent and beautiful. The photo of you and Lucy took my breath away, it is SO beautiful, tender and sweet. Your posts never fail to bring me to tears and cause me to think deeper. Thank you for lifting me up and helping me to become a better person. Good luck with your ultrasound on Friday! I hope your baby cooperates, and that time will move a little faster until then.

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  9. Molly- hello there. you do not know me, but i randomly somehow found your blog as I just kept clicking away. That was about a month ago and ever since then I check your blog practically every day. Your story has touched my heart so much that it is always on my mind. I don't even know you but I keep you in my prayers, and I love your posts. They are so honest and true. You bring up things that make me ponder, make me appreciate, make me notice the things I have in my life right now. Thank you for your thoughts,and for your honesty. You are such a strong woman and I admire you.

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  10. Thanks for this. Isn't that quote from Elder Maxwell's book? I love it. I remember reading that and it really resignating with me.

    I love the pic of you and Lucy. I play in my head often the reunion I too will have with my sweet boy. Now that some time has passed when that "daydream" comes I go with it and feel a smile on my lips and his arms tight around my neck.

    I am excited to know what you are having. This baby will be such a blessing for you. It feels so good to have little physical arms tight around your neck oncemore....and to feel an eternal connection to ALL of your family.

    Much love to you, and all your babes...Cassi

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  11. dang it! why do you have to make me cry like that?! :) thanks for sharing your beautiful soul and your inspirational thoughts. i think of you often.

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  12. Lovely post Molly. You are an inspiration. This new little one will give you such comfort. I am happy for you and Vic.
    Hugs and kisses to you Vic and Lucy.

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  13. like I just told you, this picture is so sweet. It feels so intimate. like a very private moment with you two.

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  14. that ending words gave me chills and filled my eyes with tears. as mothers we are united in that total and eternal love for our children.

    would you possibly mind sending me your address through email? i'd like to send you something.
    beezus74@hotmail.com

    if not i understand, some are very careful with privacy here on the internets

    and gosh how exciting to find the sex of your baby this Friday...:) that is a wonderful thrill.

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  15. very very beautiful!!! You have such a great talent. I love you and you 3 soon to be 4 also feel like family to us. keep holding on to the Savior's hand,that day will come and you will be with your sweet lucy again.

    I can't wait to find out what the new little one is. So excited!!!

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  16. Beautifully written.. reading your words brings chills to my body and tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing. Hope that Friday comes quickly for you!

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  17. That picture is stunning...two beautiful girls.

    You have a gift of speaking from your soul.

    Thank you for continuing to put things into perspective for me.

    I continue to pray for you and Vic and your family.

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  18. you don't know me and I don't you... but I want to thank you for putting me right where I need to be. You have amazing courage and you are an angel to others just as your sweet baby Lucy is to you!! Thank you...you will forever change my life.

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  19. What a beautiful little Lucy! Those hugs are the best. I'm excited to find out the sex of your baby too. Wait till the end of your pregnancy--time crawls like no other! Let us know!

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  20. No, I cannot imagine the sweetness and power that will be in those words. I wish I could express how much it pains my heart to hear you describe the rest of your journey on this earth with out your girl. The quote by Elder Maxwell was PROFOUND.
    I am also so excited for you to receive another spirit into your life and have the gift of raising more children. I better get a text on Friday. Deal? :)

    One more thing. Shouldn't everyone else know that you were making gravy at 8 a.m. today? Gotta love being pregnant...

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  21. Before and after...your thoughts on time were an answer to prayers. We are never comfortable in time. I love you so much. I can't wait until Friday to see if that little boy that you have a crush on is in your tummy. I love that picture...I have looked at it for quite sometime....it is perfect.

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  22. Molly, You are so eloquent. You should be a writer. I don't know how do it again and again, but your words go right to the soul! What a beautiful picture of you and Lucy.

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  23. Beautiful, Molly. Your words are so beautiful, your baby girl is so beautiful and so will your reunion be....beautiful.

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  24. What a sweet photo of you and Lucy! You can see the strong love you have for eachother!

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  25. Oh Molly, this post was absolutely breath taking. I have tears rolling down my cheeks and the picture at the end captured such a tender moment. What a glorious day; to think that our sweet angels will welcome us home some day if we live worthily, and the tear of happiness can flow freely.

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  26. Molly, So many times I wish that I had your phone number or that we could get together sometime!!! You are constantly reminding me of so many things. I love you!!!!
    From the bottom of my upper lip....
    Danielle
    p.s. shoot me an email sometime and we can exchange phone numbers/addresses at least.

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  27. Thank you Molly for always finding the words to make me feel inspired. Maybe you should quit your day job of dish washer and house cleaner and become a writer. You really have such a beautiful talent. No wonder Elder Maxwell is one of your favorites. I think he mentored you. I love that quote you shared from him. Time is a strange thing. I think you are doing a fantastic job with the time you've been given. I know you and Vic and Lucy have touched many lives. Can't wait for Friday!

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  28. oh! that was beautiful. i love your words. i double love the thought of her welcoming you home. glorious.

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  29. I want to say that I hope the next 90 years fly by for you, but at the same time, I want you to be able to take your time and enjoy this new life within you. Makes me cry. What a bittersweet agony.
    I love that thought by Elder Maxwell. He had such a way with words, as do you.

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  30. What a beautiful and tender post. I hope you have a wonderful day on Friday. I work for an OB/Gyn in the Avenues; ultra sounds are always so exciting in our office. I'll be looking forward to hearing the news.

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  31. What a great post. You look so beautiful in the picture Molly, and lucy is too cute, I love her little piggies. What an amazing reunion that will be!
    I love you!
    Suzette Baird

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  32. Molly,

    You are so stickin wise. Honestly, I haven't known you very long, and rely on Brooke's description of you "before"...but you and Vic or old souls. You are teachers on this earth.

    As for your ultrasound...what a joyous day!!! I hope for you to have a healthy baby...but because of my Jack, I must say a boy is a lot of fun!!! ;)

    Can't wait to hear the news!!!

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  33. I just had to check in today, to see if there is an update. I can't wait to hear what you are having. Hopefully he/she will not be too modest! :)

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  34. Best wishes for the ultrasound!!

    And as always, thank you for sharing your story with those of us who don't even know you or your family.

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  35. Molly,

    What a beautiful post and an even more beautiful picture. Thank you again for sharing the lessons you are learning and for your profound insight.

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  36. Molly,
    Your perspective on life teaches me so much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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