Answered Prayer

Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I've had a boy on my mind lately. A really cute boy. Blue eyes, dirty blond hair, big smile. I think I might be infatuated with him. I can't stop thinking about how much I love him. I guess you could call it a crush, but I think it's something more. A crush couldn't get me up in the morning when I feel like dying. A crush couldn't change my tears to laughter and give me the courage and strength to carry on... Could it?

I've been praying to know who I can serve, what I can do. Where do I begin? At times it is daunting. I've thought of going to Primary Children's and volunteering there, but don't think I have the emotional strength for that yet. Daily, I think of women in my ward and branch who are in need and try to do small things to lighten their burden. But I knew there was something "more".

And then it hit me.

My crush! This little lover boy and inspiration in my life. My husband. It hit me like a ton of bricks while in the shower the other day. The service God needs me to do right now is right here in my home. I have often played the game, "Which trial would be worse?" Losing a spouse verses losing a child. Losing an older child verses losing a toddler...on and on. It doesn't matter. They're all hard, and we have no control over our losses. But I do have control over what I do and how I treat the family still here with me on earth. Two days down, and a lifetime to go, but so far so good. He's enjoyed the lunches I've packed him for work along with the surprise treats and love notes.

I've thought so often, and even more so since Lucy's passing, of the role the men in our lives play. They are the providers. The rocks. The stabilizers. But I know Vic is full of emotion and pain like me. Yet day after day he faithfully goes to work, serves in his callings, and holds me while I cry. To me, it is the closest thing to being in the Savior's arms while I'm here on earth. I have found a renewed sense of purpose and even excitement in my revelation to serve my husband. He has proven to be, yet again, an answer to my prayers.

An unwilling Hero

You’ve stood strong
For SO long,
Yet the pain may still be overwhelming.

And your eyes took
On that look,
That the injury continues its’ HAUNTING.

I pray each day
You’ll let it lay,
Finding ways to LOOK to life and living.

Knowing one day
You will say,
“Some how I NOW am surviving”.

When our hearts were torn
We ALL mourned,
For every person that was hurting.

And you some how
Spoke out loud,
Giving each of us HOPE for the living.

-I know that-

Your heart will heal
That is real
It just takes a LONG time and believing.

You chose this not
And yet fought,
As a hero in our very difficult learning.


Vic - Live and love
And RISE above,
This loss that is understandably consuming.

Thinking of you – With love - Linda Kohler Barnes – August 7, 2008 (Our Bishop's wife artist extraordinaire)

"In terms of giving fathers love and understanding, it should be remembered that fathers also have times of insecurity and doubt. Everyone knows fathers make mistakes—especially they themselves. Fathers need all the help they can get; mostly they need love, support, and understanding from their own." James E. Faust


  1. Beautiful post!! I'm glad you have been inspired in this struggle. I think you are taking great steps not only in the healing process, but also in the strengthening of your marriage. Many marriages fail in times like this I think, but yours won't. You have a strong foundation, and you're building upon it.

  2. What a sweet post. And a great reminder that I need to do the same appreciating and serving for Chad. You and Vic have such a wonderfully romantic relationship. I'm impressed every Christmas, birthday and anniversary at the thought you put in to gifts and other ways to celebrate each other. Love you both.

  3. Hi Molly
    Like many others, I have been reading your blog and I'd just like to comment that you are wonderful. You are an inspiration. Sometimes we don't know why things happen, but others that read your story are changed. I keep a little bit closer of an eye on my kids after reading your story. I have shared your blog with many people I know. A friend of mine also lost her daughter, but in different circumstances, she lost her when she was seven months pregnant. I know my friend Marni reads your blog, she even blogged about your blog. You have changed lives Molly.
    And your husband sounds like an awesome guy! God Bless~

  4. What a sweet and wonderful tribute to your husband. I am sure Vic appreciates all that you are doing to serve him. What better way to strengthen your love and marraige than by serving. It is a great reminder for everyone, to remember to serve, especially those we love most. Thank you. I hope that you and Vic are healing, and will continue to feel the love of so many praying for your peace and healing.

  5. Molly,
    Oh I love this post! And can honestly see through Vics eyes in his pictures that he is a geniune, loving husband and father. Are you guys not the sweetest couple?
    Wishing you a beautiful day today.

    With loves,

  6. Thanks for reminding me to think of my husband and his struggles more. I made a special effort this morning to send him off to work feeling loved.

    He deserves it!

  7. Thank you Molly for being so good to my big brother. I love you for it. I love him for being so good to you. This post made me cry a lot. This time it isn't a cry of pain an sorrow for loss of Lucy, its a cry of gratefulness to be associated and in the same family as my big brother Vic. Its also a cry of being so happy I also have good men in my life. You sure know how to pull at my heart strings Molly. Not many people can do that. And good for you for being so willing and ready to serve.

  8. That was absolutely inspiring! I loved the poem and your touching words. I think I'll take a little of your advice and serve my sweet husband just a little more. Thank you Molly!

  9. I love your post! Vic is a wonderful guy, he sounds like he has been amazingly supportive. We'd love to get together with you guys after we have this next baby and I am off of bed rest. I will be induced on the 8th unless I have the baby naturally before that date. We think of you always and continue to pray for you to be comforted. I hope everything is going well with your pregnancy.

  10. I have been thinking about standing in the hospital and saying goodbye to Lucy lately. Today as I was thinking about it I imagined it was Jason lying there (why do we do that?!). And then I read this. My goodness... I have no words. I love and appreciate this soooo much and your last post as well as I have been thinking a lot about it in relation to my life and the struggles and weakness that I feel right now. And then the photo you choose at the end... to have not just Vic but your dad and my dad there too. That was the icing on the emotional cake.

  11. Molly~

    You continue to remind me of the important things in life and inspire me to be better at them.

    Your strong, sweet spirit shines so brightly through your sorrow.

    Thank you for shining your light on me!

  12. It's so hard to think about serving others when all you want to do is crawl up in a ball and cry. Not many people would think 'what can I do?' Vic is amazing and I'm sure feels your endless support, but I'm sure would only embrace more. I know when my brother was deathly sick, my family was brought closer together through that than through anything else we've ever experienced. Your marriage will forever be closer b/c of this.

    And also, I didn't have to time to comment below when I first read the 'Anatomy' post, so I wanted to say here just a couple of things in conjunction with it. I SO believe that the atonement is probably one of the most misunderstood and underutilized gifts from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ by so many people (including myself). There was a talk by Bednar at BYUI called the Enabling Power of the Atonement (which is one of my favorites of all time - it just really hit me hard the first time I read it), in which he says "I think most of us know that the atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the atonement is also ... for good men and women who are obedient and worthy and conscientious. I frankly do not think many of us 'get it' concerning this enbaling and strengthening aspect of the atonement, and I wonder if we mistakenly believe we must make the journey from good to better alone."

    He also says, "As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon." I love that quote.

    Also, one of my favorite quotes from Eyring says (revised a little for this), " in the power of the atonement [gives us strength beyond our] natural ability to do whatever the Lord calls us to do." Heavenly Father wants you to be relieved of this pain, as impossible as that may seem. And through the atonement He will help relieve you.

    Like I said before, I think the atonement is so misunderstood and there are so many facets to it. I remember talking to my dad once about it years ago and how it applies to not only sin. He told me all about Callister's book, The Infinite Atonement, and how he said that that is why it is called infinite - because it covers our daily lives. Jesus' pain in Gethsemane was not just for sin, it was for our injustices, our sicknesses, everything! There was not one emotion he did not experience. I had never thought of it that way before. Our sicknesses even? And even our heartbreak. Just like you said in your post, it will help you now.

    I have cherished all these quotes and conversations as sweet morsels of hope and inspiration since I first read and heard them. I have thought about all of them often since my first interaction with them. I really hope they come across this internet page to you as hope and full of love as well. I know this post was jumbled, but I had so many thoughts running through my head at the same time. And now I'm thinking maybe an email would have been better, but it is what it is written here.

  13. That was so sweet! I loved the way you say you have a crush on him and that being in his arms is the closest thing to being in the Savior's arms. That's got to make him feel so good to be validated in that way! Thanks for reminding me that showing appreciation for and serving a husband are so important.

    I'm so sorry you're both having to go through this. Your tears are always justified, no matter how many weeks, months or years you continue to shed them.

  14. Molly, you are such a writer. You really should publish something. I cry every time I read your blog. It doesn't matter what you write about, I cry. You really should. You have a gift!

  15. You're so talented Molly. and so honest. And so open.
    I truly appreciated your words of advice with my friend who lost her babies. You are so beautiful and amazing. We're still keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

  16. I needed to lurk here, right now, at 3am, and read your words on this post. Thank you.

  17. Do you know what I love about you Molly? You have such a gift for understanding things and seeing things as they are, with so much much beauty and ease. I absolutely loved these thoughts that you shared. I think you can so easily be consumed in what you are personally feeling, and forget that your spouse is equally as consumed and needy as you. I also love that God would have us "serve" those that we live with and see every day, when we assume our need for service is beyond our homes. Lovely insight Molls. Love you.

  18. I've visited your blog many times, but have never left a comment. I've learned so much from you in the last few months. You are an amazing wife, mother, friend, and an angel on Earth. What I want to point out to you is that you are helping all of us who read your blog. Sharing your extraordinary faith, being such a wonderful example in your times of deepest grief and joyful moments, all of those things are a "service" to your blog readers. So, I would like to say thank you. You really are an angel on Earth.

  19. Miss Molly. Can we send you a free Blush to brighten your day? Pick out a size and your top three colors and I'll send you one.

    I've been thinking of you a lot lately and just want to hug you, to tell you I pray for you, to tell you my heart aches for you. This is probably less awkward than hugging since we don't really know each other (I'm Sam Hirt's sister). Please visit my website and send me an e-mail (its on the website) letting me know your choices. A Blush is a great addition to a maternity outfit but isn't a maternity specific product! Yay!

    If you like us, add our html to your blog to win more!

  20. I learned about your blog from a former mission companion and have been reading from your last few months. I just couldn´t stop sobbing and sobbing. I couldn´t fall asleep for a long time last night, because I could not get your faces out of my head.
    You see, we have two daughters and our first one, Lorena, was born on 1st of June 2006, just 11 days before Lucy, after an 8 year wait and with the help of IVF (check out our blog if you want to). I couldn´t possibly imagine how it would be... I just so feel with you.
    I understand that I cannot really offer you any comfort, but I just wanted to share with you what I felt reading your experiences.
    I very much hope and pray Heavenly Father doesn´t want me to go thru such an experience.
    You´re such incredible people, with what you learn and get stronger every day. And it seems like you have alot of family and friends who are soo good with you.
    Just go on like you do and enjoy your second baby. If it is any comfort, you´ll be able to do it. We had ours 18 months apart and it´s crazy!
    If you every want to come to Spain on holidays, you´re always welcome!

  21. I forgot to say, that you very much tribute to our family. Since I learned from your experience I squeeze and kiss my girls even more (before I already did alot, well now even more) and I´m more patient with them (or at least I try:)). I think you are exceptional parents with Lucy, I think she knew alot more than Lorena that age (I saw that she already knew the colors and more). Shé was learning alot faster I think.
    So don´t give up and be the amazing persons you are! With the Lord we cannot fail!

  22. Oh Molly. When we were texting the other day I thought of saying something like "How about if I go kiss my sleeping children for you and you go enjoy having such a wonderful husband for me." But it seemed really insensitive. Looks like the universe was intent on getting the message to you one way or another! ;) And I am doing my darndest to love my children as much and as often as possible.

    That was a touching post (as always). I think my favorite part was Vic's response, "I LOVE you Molly." You did well choosing him!

    I love you.

  23. I just love your blog (I'm not a stalker, but a friend of Jenny Robinsons). I have grown through your trials...please don't take that wrong. I appreciate your honesty. As well as your writing style.

    I have a friend who recently lost her one year old. I am at a loss. I ache for her. But I don't know what I can do or say! Is there anything to say??? I thought maybe you might have something to say that would make her feel somewhat 'better'. Ease her grieving. I don't know. Maybe you've seen her blog...

    There is a special place in heaven for parents that have had to struggle through the loss of a child-- I'm sure of it!!

  24. I am thinking about you both. I wish i could be up there and provide a welcome each morning, to help you out of bed. Vic, you keep going, too, it sounds like. I send you many hugs and hope you are doing well. I like the poem. Vic I hope you find what you need to keep going each day and that you both still enjoy the like and life in each others eyes. You are both great examples. I love you!

  25. Vic is a remarkable guy. I'm so glad he has you and that you have him. I love you both!

  26. Thank you for that reminder, Molly. I need to be so much better at serving my hubby :)

  27. I´m soo glad you answered me!! I was kinda hoping, but I thought, you can´t really answer everybody. Thank you for writing me! I am from Austria, met my spanish lover-boy in Germany and moved down here with him when we married. Where we lie is a very nice area and not very cold. Alot of people come here on holiday, anyway.
    Well, I got to know your blog from Vicky Coleman from California. She served with me in England. I´m not sure how she knows about you. You can look her up in Facebook if you want. I added you as my friends there, if you don´t mind. It´s easier to write there.
    Right, thank you again, for taking a few minutes to write and just keep in mind, that we´re thinking about you and being with you around the world. I gave my testimony the other day in Relief Society about you, so keep your heads high and may the Lord be with you!


Powered by Blogger.