Happy Birthday, Lucy

By Molly Bice-Jackson - 9:00 AM

Dear Lucy,

A few of my friends wrote letters to their children on their birthdays this past year. I have been so excited to do the same for you. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think it would be under these circumstances, but I still want to write it nonetheless.

Lucy, you are amazing. I always knew you were special. Every child is special, but you were exceptional. You ARE exceptional. I have never seen a child with more energy, spunk, and love of life. I marveled at you everyday; wondering how on earth you could be so incredible. So smart. So cute. And how you could be mine. You epitomized joy. Every one of God's creations was a reason to celebrate. Nothing went unnoticed by you. I have never seen a more observant child. One word that describes you so well is the word PRESENT. You were very present. You had a knowing smile from a very young age.

From the moment you kicked so hard that it shook the bed WHILE YOU WERE STILL IN MY WOMB, I knew we were in for it with you. You came out kicking and didn't stop. But it wasn't kicking and screaming. It was the getting-the biggest-kick-out-of-life kind of kicking. I think you knew you would only be here for a short and time and you were determined to fit a lifetime's experiences into two years. And you did just that.

When Daddy and I found out you were coming to our family, I was very scared. I didn't know how I was going to take care of a little baby. I was worried about money and other silly things. But on the morning of June 11th, 2006, while driving to the hospital to welcome you into this world, I couldn't stop crying. Not because I was scared anymore, but because I was so happy. I didn't know how anyone could be as blessed as I. We were so excited to meet you. At first, Daddy thought I was giving birth to a little kitten because you had so much hair. When we finally got to see your entire little body, daddy was still concerned because you had a slope from the tip of the nose to the top of your head...like a Mayan statue. "She's going to have a hard life, but we'll love her anyway," he admitted to thinking. But he soon realized he was wrong. You were the most beautiful little angel we've ever laid eyes on. Your curly corn silk locks were more marvelous to us than chocolate truffles, European landscapes, the seven world wonders, and outer space. I remember Daddy holding you one night during those first few months and saying, "Honey, LOOK! She's growing. Right now. Right here in my arms. I can see her growing." And grow you did.

You grew right into our hearts. You grew into the hearts of your Nana and Poppa, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunts and Uncles. You grew into the hearts of the Kimball Ward, the Egyptian Theatre, Showtime friends, Young Ambassadors, the Prospector Branch, the Boys and Girls Club, and anyone who ever looked upon your face. And you are still growing there. You are blossoming and beautifying these hearts. You are making us better people. You are changing us into new creatures.

It brought me so much joy to see you enjoy musicals. It may sound trite, but I think the opportunity I had to play Peter Pan was a huge and important part of your earthly experience. The symbolism of flying, Never Never Land, never growing up...they were all the things you got to do. Peter Pan was your every waking moment. Everything you saw and did somehow tied back to Peter Pan, Mommy flying, Captain Hook. You wanted so badly to fly. Perhaps that is why you jumped so high, so vigorously, and so often. I have no doubt you are singing and jumping and dancing and blessing lives on the other side of the veil.

I have chronicled much of your life already on this blog, and I think you know now, more than ever before, just how much Daddy and I love you. You have probably seen us weeping and mourning, aching with our entire beings for you. Maybe I should say we are suffering for each other, not for you. We know you are safe and happy. We are hurting for ourselves because we don't get to see you everyday and tickle you and run with you and bathe with you and laugh with you and squeeze you and delight in you. But somehow we will make it through without you physically here. There are several reasons that we will make it even though we miss you more than tongue can tell. And those several reasons are called friends. Family and friends. Mommy and Daddy have so many people who love us. Even people we don't know. You have given us all a taste of heaven on earth, Lucy. You have shown us what it means to be One, like the Savior admonishes. Through your death, you have saved many lives. The Donor Coalition sent us a letter telling us that you are a hero. I know they are right. You are my hero.

So today, on your second birthday, as we celebrate all that you are, all that you are teaching us, all that you will become, I want to thank you for the re-birth you have given me. I don't know a greater gift I can give you today than a new and resolved commitment to Heavenly Father. I will honor Him and live worthy of His spirit so that I can return to His presence and be with you for eternity. That is my birthday gift to you today, Lucy. Happy Birthday, Booger Baby.

I love you with every heartbeat,
Mommy

P.S. Can you do something about the snow? Or is this what you wanted on your birthday? You did love the snow.

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43 Loving Lines

  1. Oh Molly,
    I knew this post was coming and I didn't know if I could read it or not. But, as you can tell, I can't turn away from your story. I cannot imagine having to have written the birthday letters I wrote to my girls this year after they were gone. You remind me daily to cherish them, so thank you. Happy Birthday cute little Lucy. We know you've got some pink balloons and you're celebrating somewhere. Your parents certainly celebrate you.

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  2. I've been thinking about you guys all week--knowning today is Lucy's birthday. Thank you for this post, I'm inspired by your strength Molly and appreciate the time you've taken to document & articulate so many of your thoughts & feelings for us who are wondering daily how things are for you both.
    Lucy is so lucky to have such incredible parents--and what a great day to celebrate her life.

    Happy Birthday Lucy!

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  3. Molly-
    You never cease to amaze me. I don't know where you find your strength. This was such a wonderful tribute to Lucy. In her brief life she taught you guys so much, and touched the lives of many. Although no gifts will be wrapped up and opened today.The Savior has given you and Vic the gift of the resurrection and the promise of eternal families. Someday you will be together forever.
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCY

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  4. Beautifully written Miss Molly. Happy Birthday Lucy, we will miss you for this short time. Thank you for strengthening me too.
    Danielle

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  5. Molly and Vic,

    As I have read and followed Little Lucy's life and death, I want you to know that I too have resolved to be more committed to Heavenly Father. Through your experience I find that I am trying to be more present in each and every moment I have with my girls and cherish them more. Because of Lucy I am praying more fervently, I am pondering more deeply, and reading the scriptures more often. I too want to wish Lucy a Happy Birthday and thank her for being such a great example to me....even though I never met her, I have been touched by her life and her spirit. Love-Adriane

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  6. Molly and Vic - I have been reading your blog off and on since January (Via the Cooley's) Like so many others, I have been greatly impacted by your experience-- while I am not a mother, I have shared your story with friends and family who ARE - I think that is what I have learned from your family and your sweet angel - to recognize how precious and uncertain life is, to cherish our loved ones, and to achieve greater heights. Thank you for continuing to post your thoughts, and thank you for sharing your faith.

    - Jenny (Rush) Helmer

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  7. That was so sweet Molly. Happy Birthday little Lucy!

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  8. SHE SHOOK THE BED??? IN-UTERO? Wow. That girl has skills!

    Happy birthday to your DEAR Lucy. Molly, that was beautiful. And wonderful. And perfect.

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  9. Happy Birthday Lucy... your momma loves you so much.

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  10. Molly, you never cease to amaze me (and all of my family and friends that are constantly talking about the AMAZING Jackson family!)!!

    Happy Birthday Lucy!

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  11. Molly, that was beautiful. We will most likely be coming to the gathering tonight, hope that's okay. I have been thinking a lot about you and Vic. We miss you guys.

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  12. Happy Birthday little Lucy!!

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  13. Molly,
    I have been thinking of you constantly since rediscovering you. Please know how much you and your family have affected people for good. My sister had a baby boy who passed away soon after birth, and that experience has truly impacted my attitude towards parenting. Now Lucy will forever leave her mark as well. You really are amazing, and we all wonder how we'd get through an experience such as this, but you give me great hope that it is possible to survive and be the stronger for it.

    Happy Birthday Lucy!

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  14. I do not know you and you don't know me. I found your blog from a friend of a friend of a friend (as bloggers often do). I am so sorry about the loss of your Lucy. My heart aches for you. She is a darling little girl. So beautiful!

    I will remember you in my prayers.

    We recently had a family in our neighborhood lose their little girl - 18months old - the mom of this little girl says that the way she has survived is that she has let God carry her these past 3 months since their little girl died. I know that Heavenly Father will be with you and hope for His grace and love to heal you in the weeks and months to come. Having lost my mother as well I can attest to the fact that the Lord carries us through these hardest of times.

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts, stories and pictures. Your faith is inspiring. Bless you!

    Denise Gonda
    San Diego, CA

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  15. Happy Birthday Lucy! Swing on a star for me! Jenny

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  16. Happy Birthday Lucy! We love you and miss you so much.

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  17. Happy Birthday Lucy!
    I know I never met you, I never met your Mommy and Daddy. I only heard about you from a post on a friends blog. My heart is touched by your short precious life and the wonderful gift of parenthood that you gave to your
    Mommy & Daddy.
    Miss Molly...
    I am so sorry that you had to write this letter knowing that Lucy is not here with you on earth. But thankfully... you will get to be with her again & forever as a family. There is nothing like a child to warm your heart and teach you to enjoy the little things each day... I am sure that our Father in Heaven will continue to allow her to continue to warm your heart... and you will see things just as they would be seen through Lucy's eyes... and you will marvel at the little things that remind you of her.
    toodles, Sheila, NV
    ps. She is my hero too! I am a registered organ donor and what you did... I have not the words to express your selfless act of love & kindness for someone you have never met.

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  18. Molly...what a wonderful Lucy Letter.
    I am so proud of you for using your talent with words to bless the world on Lucy's birthday. You certainly have many talents! I was surprised to read...its snowing??? You are a SHE-ro yourself, lady ( and unabashed still, I hope!)

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  19. molly & vic, i hope you know you are loved. thank you for your inspiring words. still thinking about you, praying for you, and trying to send you much love & strength.

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  20. I know I do not know you or your beautiful Lucy, but I wanted to let you know I am so touched by your daughter. What a beautiful child of our father in heaven.

    Happy Birthday Lucy!!

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  21. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are so inspiring. You are in my prayers. My sister-in-law's sister knows you and that's how I found your blog. Happy Birthday Lucy.

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  22. Molly And Vic,

    I do not know your family, only through a friend of a friend. I just wanted to share my love for your family and my sympathy for your trials. June 11 is my husband's birthday and I feel a kinship to your Lucy for that reason. I have prayed for your family these past few weeks and can not even imagine what pain and anguish you have suffered. Lucy's photos and description of her personality remind me so much of my daughter Sarah. We too are members of the church and live in Georgia. My testimony has been magnified greatly by watching your strength and your testimony of the plan of salvation. We lost my mother-in-law in April to neuroendocrine cancer...she loves children, perhaps she is rocking yours for you! Best of luck in your long road ahead, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. If feel sure there well be happy times ahead again for your family. We are sisters in Christ no matter what ward we live in or what part of the country.
    Love,
    Heidi Kreitlein
    Buford, GA

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  23. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCY LOO!!! We are SO blessed to know you. Albert Einstein said that "Wisdom begins in wonder." To be so filled with wonder, I'm sure (even at 2) you are very wise.

    Love, Rochelle, Alfonso, Ben, Spencer, and Will

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  24. I am one of the many who don't know you personally, but found your blog through another online friend. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the grief you must feel - while at the same time experiencing the peace that comes from knowing your little angel is safe, free from all the cares and troubles of this world. Guaranteed a spot while the rest of us work away down here for ours.

    Brother and Sister Jackson, the strength that you both have exhibited here has been a real testimony builder for me! You are truly an example for us all to follow. Thank you for your candidness and ability to share your strength and testimony as you pass through this trial.

    Love from Calgary Canada!

    Kerry Stanek

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  25. Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl! I am so sorry for the loss of Lucy. I saw her picture on my friends blog. My heart aches for you and I have been praying for you all. I know Heavenly Father has big plans for Lucy. Even though it is still so hard to comprehend. You guys have such strong testimonies I can tell. I can't imagine the pain you feel, so I pray the the Lord will ease your burdens and in time let them feel light again. I know Lucy will live in your hearts and the hearts of others forever, until you are together again. May you all find comfort, peace, assurance, and an understanding in time. Lucy was a perfect angel. She was so beautiful. She will always remind me to look for the good in life and to live each day to the fullest. My thought are with you this day. Love-Jenna Lines jennalines@gmail.com

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  26. Molly- this was absolutely beautiful! The way you are looking at this amazes me. You are a hero too you know...

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  27. Happy Birthday, Lucy! Eat lots of cake and smash it into the clouds. (I won't tell).

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  28. Such a wonderful and touching tribute to your darling daughter. Even though I don't know you personally, as a mother I have a glimpse at the pain you must be suffering. My heart aches for you and your husband. Please keep writing, it will only help you cherish Lucy even more!

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  29. Thanks for sharing Lucy with us. As I contemplate our Lacey's birthday today (June 13th), your post brings back lots of memories. You have a good handle on what it is like to live with a Heavenly angel. I'm so grateful God entrusted us with these experiences. I'm sure our daughters only hope we cling to them, and do what we need to be with them in heaven again some day. Again, thanks for sharing, and enjoy both her earthly birthday celebration, as well as her 'birthday in heaven' when the hard day comes. Again, thanks for sharing!! (Melissa's mom)

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  30. That is so beautiful. She definitely was and is such a special little girl. Like you say, this experience and Lucy, have helped so many families in so many ways. Some you will know about and others you never will. She had a very important mission to fulfill in this life.

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  31. I love you guys! that was so sweet and tender thanks for sharing it with us! I miss you guys so much! will ya take care of my family and keep my padre laughing? And keep him on the straight and narrow too, ok? ha ha whenever he calls me to talk he just talks about the good times he has with you guys and well to be honest, it makes me jealous that i'm not there with everyone!! :-) he he well love you both can't wait to see you in a couple of months!
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE LUCY BUG!

    Much Love from philly,
    Carson
    oh, and steve too :-)

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  32. Hi Molly and Vic,

    I have been checking by to see how thing are looking up for your family. I am really grateful that you have had the spirit and energy to sit down and do this for Lucy and to share with all.
    This blog is an incredible tribute to your Lucy and I have thoroughly loved reading about her sweet spirit and life, so i am very happy you have continued.
    I have to tell you I was in a bad place today, just kinda had a bad day for whatever reason. And came to your blog and read this letter and tribute to Lucy. With tears streaming down my face, I had such a wonderful peaceful loving feeling come across my whole body. My day is better for the time being and I sat and thought about it for a while. I asked myself why I felt at ease when I should feel horrible and sad. I know it is the incredible LOVE that Lucy was and still is. You and Vic represent this love and is apparent through your words. You have so much Love and it radiates. Thanks for brightening my day.
    Your wonderful people. And know that I am still thinking and praying for you.

    Love, Whitney Boice Arensberg

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  34. Molly and Vic, I have never met you or your little Lucy. I read your blog through your sisters blog and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I know that the Lord has plans for us all and that he is grieving with you. I'm positive that he wanted Lucy to enjoy more time with you and was sad that it was not meant to be. I know he is watching over you and encircling both of you with his loving arms. You are in our prayers and we hope that the days will get brighter for you down the road. Happy birthday to Lucy.

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  35. this week i went to madrid�s temple and i put your names there. i know that God will suport and love you.

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  36. I'm sure Lucy's celebration in heaven is a grand one! Indeed, many lives have been touched because of Lucy (and her parents) and many of those lives are those you do not know.
    My heart has been aching ever since I read your story and I'm holding my children a little closer tonight.
    I know the comfort you feel is immense and I pray that it will continue until you are together again.

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  37. Molly and Vic- She is beautiful! Thank you for making her so personal to those of us who never met her. I know that she is loving you from above and marveling at the incredibly strong parents she was priviledged to be sent to. I love you!

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  38. Molly,
    Among all your many many talents is writing. That was absolutely beautiful. Lucy is lucky to have you as a mother. Todd's mother lost her baby (2 yrs) when he was hit by a car. Their family also made the resolve to live so they can be with him someday. What a perfect promise and beautiful gift. I love you.

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  39. You don't know me, but like so many others, Lucy's life and your amazing, courageous, example have touched me to the core. From one mother to another, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  40. My heart goes out to you two and the pain you must be experiencing to not have that precious LIGHT in your home in the tangible way of her beautiful, energetic little body running, playing, laughing and jumping. You don't know me but somehow I came upon your blog and your story has touched me immensely. I have a daughter who is just a day short of two months older than your little angel and the inner turmoil I feel for you in having my little angel taken so soon is beyond any feeling I can even approach in understanding. I wish I could have known your little girl. She sounds so much like mine who also came into this world with the same exuberance for life and living that you describe of your Lucy--I just can't even begin to imagine or pretend I know how you feel but this is a great lesson of life to know of you and your husbands heartache which in turn will make me more appreciative of each precious day I get with my Kinlee. You are strong and full of such incredible faith.
    In some ways like Joseph Smith said there must be some relief in knowing the pain and troubles of mortality are behind her and she is excused from a life of the envy of man. She truly is exceptional and one of God's precious precious children.
    My thoughts are with you and your husband. I pray the Lord will continue to bless you with peace and all the feelings of tranquility and serenity in the height of challenging stepping stones here on earth!

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  41. June 11th is my birthday :) i couldnt be more happier to share it with your amazing daughter! Thank you for sharing your story, it has touched me so. I am 21 years old struggling with infertility. my husband is quite a bit older and has one son, but we feel like there is such a void only a child could fill. While searching for other women who have the same problem as me, i found you. I think what you are doing with the headstone donations is magnificent. I also think God wanted me to read sweet Lucys story. Sometimes I can be selfish and think I am the person with the most sadness and what is wrong with me is the worst thing. But it isnt, and the Lord needed me to see it! I will keep you in my prayers! I know your daughter is the most beautiful princess in heaven! God Bless you.

    Savanna Huff
    Morgantown KY.

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