Happiness. Today I thought about a few occasions where I was so happy, where I felt such joy that I felt like the spirit came up and said to me, "I'm here because you are so happy I have to stand next to you or you will explode." And those moments became etched in my memory and I can see exactly where I was and what I saw on those occasions.
One was on my mission. It was zone conference at Christmas time with several zones. We enjoyed a spiritual feast followed by a fantastic Argentine lunch. We were doing a silly story about Santa Claus and missionaries-- different groups of us had to do little actions and say different things whenever the story teller said a specific word. My group had to say Ho Ho Ho every time the story teller said Santa Claus. Somewhere in all of that I looked around the church gym and saw my friends, my brothers & sisters, my fellow laborers, and I knew that I was so blessed and I felt such joy that the sight is forever etched in my mind.
The next was about a year after my mission. I was in college and life was going well. I was dating a girl that I was in love with. I was working as an insurance agent and had tripled the sales in the office I managed. I felt so at home in Arizona and it seemed like my life was perfect. I was driving my $1400 dollar Nissan Stanza East on the Superstition freeway at the end of a good day of work, all by myself, listening to the radio and I realized that I was so blessed and life so good and I felt such joy that I will always remember driving that day on the Superstition Freeway.
The last moment was six weeks ago. I was at home with Molly and Lucy. I work as an attorney for a law firm that I love and feel like I am able to do good things for people. We had just moved into our new place here in Park City, and it was exciting to be here and have new paint and new walls and space. I could hear the loves of my life playing and laughing. I am a father and a husband, a blessing I had desired to have for many years and I realized that I was so blessed and life so good, my daughter and my wife so beautiful and wonderful, and I felt such joy that I will always remember walking from the kitchen towards the dining room and my girls.
They are kind of odd moments I think. Almost random. Driving down the freeway? Really? Perhaps more than moments of happiness and joy they were moments when the spirit yelled at me [with a still small voice], “yes you are right, you are so happy and you are so blessed, and there is more, this is only a taste, the beginning of so much more to come. Oh, and trust me, you won't explode from happiness and joy”.
Of course, I do not feel like that today. But I thought about those moments today, and they are etched into my mind and soul. I don't know what raising Lucy after the resurrection will be like. Will she be so smart and advanced that I won't be able play hide and go seek, or make her laugh with my Donald Duck impression? There are so many details I don't know.
During the long years I dated, wanting to get married, feeling alone, yearning for the blessing of being a husband and father, seeing my friends get married and begin raising families, I worried that time was passing me by and that I was missing out. After I married Molly, I realized my worries had been a waste of time, all the heartache disappeared almost as if it had never been.
I will miss Lucy for the rest of my mortal sojourn. But I have enjoyed a lot of happiness in my life. I have had those moments I felt I would explode I was so filled with joy. I hope I will have more. I suspect that on resurrection morning, when my blessings will be so overpoweringly obvious, when I will have my Lucy, Molly, and many other loved ones there with me, these odd moments I attempted to describe will seem like a candle in the sunshine. I can't help but think that these mortal moments of mourning will disappear as if they had never been. That as Neal A. Maxwell said, "Righteous sorrow and suffering carve cavities in the soul, that will become later, reservoirs of joy."
The hope does not erase the pain, but it reminds me to be patient so that I can make it to eternal happiness. I appreciate the chance to share these thoughts in a semi-formal setting, because it forces me to bring together my thoughts and feelings and gives the spirit a chance to tell me once more, IT IS TRUE. I hope you know it too.
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